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Original poster

Photos on graves

64 replies

Clappingforjoy · 04/03/2021 20:46

Posting here for traffic but currently in discussion with my siblings as to whether to have our parents photo on thier gravestone. Its me that really wants this but my siblings dont like this and think it's not private whereas I feel it gives a bit of soul to the graveside. What you think yes or no to photos on graves.

OP posts:
Thefamilybusiness · 04/03/2021 20:48

Each to their own but it's not for me.

GrumpyHoonMain · 04/03/2021 20:48

I think the person who will visit and maintain the grave regularly gets to decide. If that’s you then do it.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 04/03/2021 20:48

Very sorry for your loss Flowers

It’s a personal choice, but have you double checked with the graveyard that photos are allowed?

I’ve seen that some churchs or council run graveyards can be very strict on what is and isn’t allowed on a headstone in terms of language and decoration, including photos.

Rillington · 04/03/2021 20:49

No, I don't see the need.

GreenOwl · 04/03/2021 20:50

I agree with your siblings. The photos should be for you to enjoy and kept close to you, not put on the gravestone for anyone to look at.

You're not being unreasonable to want something different though.

Cocomarine · 04/03/2021 20:51

I don’t think it matters what anyone here thinks - what matters is that siblings with equal “say” have different views.

In which case, I think the fair solution is no photo, and you bring one with you whenever you visit the grave.

I personally wouldn’t - I wouldn’t mind, I just wouldn’t choose to. I certainly don’t think a gravestone / plot lacks soul without one.

likeamillpond · 04/03/2021 20:51

Sorry for your loss.
In my expeeience pictures on gravesrones don't weather well and can end up looking strange after a while as some parts fade and get worn away..

Longdistance · 04/03/2021 20:52

I've sen those photos on headstones before, but why seem to fade with the sun. They are a lovely idea but if your siblings don't like it then you may be overruled.

creepingthyme · 04/03/2021 20:54

I have never done this, but when I need to go to the graveyard I quite like seeing a photo, it 'personalizes' what are all very generic graves, if that makes sense? I hope that doesn't sound too weird!

Sunhoop · 04/03/2021 20:54

This is very common where I'm from and I agree with you it's nice to have that personalisation. However, from the comments I'm guessing it's not the done thing in the UK so perhaps that's why they're resistant?

I'm very sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 04/03/2021 20:55

Thanks for the input all and yes I can always take a photo with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 04/03/2021 20:56

Yes creeping that's my feeling not weird at all.

OP posts:
SweatyBetty20 · 04/03/2021 20:56

My mum told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want a photo. Partly because it would fade (and they do) and partly because what age would you pick? One the age they died or at their best?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 04/03/2021 20:58

Terrible yes we are allowed a photo but it's either a photo or a engraving we are not allowed both and my siblings would prefer the engraving such as a dove etc instead

OP posts:
maddy68 · 04/03/2021 20:59

I think it's a bit tacky and they don't age well over time

Pogostickhellride · 04/03/2021 21:00

I know someone thats already got his headstone. He chose a lovely photo of himself and had that laser etched onto the stone. It looks lovely. Its personalised and works with the stone. But not a full on photo.

GrumpyHoonMain · 04/03/2021 21:01

@SweatyBetty20

My mum told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want a photo. Partly because it would fade (and they do) and partly because what age would you pick? One the age they died or at their best?
In my culture we tend to display photos of the dead and will pick the best one. DH has a lovely photo of FIL in his prime because that’s how he will always be remembered to everyone whoever knew him.
VinylDetective · 04/03/2021 21:02

I’d choose the engraving for myself or a loved one.

Dkfhenzkghsm · 04/03/2021 21:03

How would you feel if it became damaged over time?

scrivette · 04/03/2021 21:04

It isn't popular in the U.K. but in other countries I have visited graveyards and more have them than have not. I like seeing them as it personalises the person and I have a look and think about them as I pass by.

WineInTheWillows · 04/03/2021 21:08

I've never seen a photo one but I think it's a great idea. I sometimes like to wander around an old cemetery and wonder about the lives of the people the headstones are dedicated to. A photo would be a very interesting source of information, put a face to a name. A dove tells you nothing.

I'm surprised people feel entitled to pass judgement on grave markers though. I mean, 'tacky'- really? Hmm

user1471538283 · 04/03/2021 21:08

We have two of my GGGPs and they were expensive so should last and look very nice on our family grave

ParkheadParadise · 04/03/2021 21:16

It's very popular in the cemetery my dd and parents are buried in.
I didn't have the photo on the gravestone, I have a heart engraving on the headstone. Considering the price of the stone (£2,000) I didn't want the photo to fade through time.
I have several memorials on the grave that have photos on. Amazon does photo memorials.

ParkheadParadise · 04/03/2021 21:17

I forgot to say I do like looking at the photos on the gravestones.

MinnieJackson · 04/03/2021 21:17

I'm an only child so I know all this is going to be down to only me when the time comes my parents pass. I do have a grave for my son though. His headstone is just engraved because he was so young. It's such a hard time and you have so many emotions going through you all. Do you have to decide on what's going to be put on the headstone now, or can you you wait a little? I know my parents wouldn't like a grave with their picture on it, so I won't do that. Sorry I don't have any real advice but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you Flowers