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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Schools aren't open to all until the 8th?

64 replies

YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:02

Name changed so my other threads aren't identifiable, but I'm a regular and long-term mumsnetter.

I completely understand that schools have never been shut, and that keyworker children and those classed as vulnerable have always been able to go in, and I realise that the reasons for being classed as vulnerable vary. However, unless a parents work situation has changed (understandable) or school has decided a child now classes as vulnerable when they haven't before, children shouldn't have suddenly started going back into school this/last week should they?

I'm happy for people to tell me there are reasons, maybe teachers that have started having some of their class back early, to tell me that actually this was allowed and we just weren't aware of it. Our concern however, is that the child is suddenly being classed as vulnerable.

This is in relation to one of our dc who is in primary and lives with us 50% of the time. We've had issues in the past where school haven't informed us of things even though we they are supposed to inform both parents of everything because they say it's privacy for the other parent, although if it's about the education or welfare of our dc. There have also been issues with home schooling, where despite us having the dc and equal amount of time, the work hasn't been done at the other house and we've either had to do the entire weeks worth or they've had to miss significant chunks- neither of which is fair on the dc.

While all this is frustrating that the other parents won't be supportive of the dc in that context, we've been doing the majority of the work with them and so that alone shouldn't be enough of a cause for concern for the dc to be taken back into school. As we haven't been informed of this, we've also not been taking them in on the days they're at our house. This leaves us worried that there are other concerns that we're not being made aware of. AIBU to think this is the case, or has it actually been ok for some children to have already returned to school part time and it's just coincidence that it's not on the days they've been with us?

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 04/03/2021 19:06

If they haven’t been doing the work at the other other house that is likely why they are going into school. The other parent may have spoken to the school and explained that they are struggling to motivate the child to complete their work so the school have said they can attend part time.

Yesmate · 04/03/2021 19:06

Can you not just ask the school? Schools have not opened early so there is a reason your DC is in. Maybe the other parent I struggling (hence no work being done) so on their days school is a better option.

skeggycaggy · 04/03/2021 19:07

Since half term our primary school has had anyone in who has asked, basically. It wouldn’t signify anything at our school. Only a handful of kids remain at home full time.

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 04/03/2021 19:08

If it has just started this week and is part time it could be because the school feels they need help with the transition back to school. If you are the child's parent then phone up and ask.

wkwishe · 04/03/2021 19:11

I would ask the school if you have concerns. We have had kids back in this week for various different reasons.

Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:13

Thanks for the replies.

We have asked school today, but not had a response yet- we only found out about it today, as I said, neither school nor the other parent has informed us. The other parent has been impossible to work with and we've picked up the pieces throughout, we thought low workload last week was because of returning from half term, but it turns out they'd actually been in school and no one advised us.

Aside from the implications that we should be informed of anything in relation to the education and welfare, it's also increased the infection risk for all of us (and we could have needed isolation and never been told!).

@skeggycaggy that's interesting, thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:15

As I say, we have asked the school, but until we get a reply are obviously worried, especially if there's a significant concern that we're not aware of when it comes to the children going back to the other home.

OP posts:
CrappingMyself · 04/03/2021 19:22

Do you have a court order over how information is to be shared between school and parents?

scrivette · 04/03/2021 19:24

Our school has been taking more children since half term, previously they had been strict about two key worker parents/vulnerable children only but since half term it looks as though they may have relaxed their criteria.

I would be having a word with the school though.

Givemeabreak88 · 04/03/2021 19:26

Our school has been having more children in since half term as well, the school is much busier and their are parents now that weren’t there before so I’ve assumed they have let more kids in.

Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:29

@CrappingMyself

Do you have a court order over how information is to be shared between school and parents?
Yes, everything has to be shared, fully to both parents. It's a full residence order for both parents, not one having primary residence. There have been significant issues in the past with the other parent doing things with school, doctors etc without our consent, in breach of the order.
OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:30

@scrivette

Our school has been taking more children since half term, previously they had been strict about two key worker parents/vulnerable children only but since half term it looks as though they may have relaxed their criteria.

I would be having a word with the school though.

If they'd relaxed the criteria in general though, surely they'd have told both parents? As we didn't even know about it, if it was a general relaxation, then we could have taken the dc on the days they're with us too.
OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 04/03/2021 19:34

I don't know everyone's circumstances but I'm a childminder dropping off at a school and this week there's been a massive increase in some reception children attending. No idea why just this week but there's been a marked increase. Maybe bringing in the younger ones ready for the full week next week. Not all of them mind so no idea of the reasoning. School have been quite strict throughout over who gets a place

Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:34

It's really good to hear that it does seem to be common that schools have relaxed who they've had in, although it doesn't explain why we don't know about it for our days, it does make it less worrying.

OP posts:
traveller11 · 04/03/2021 19:35

Mine went back this week. She wasn't doing the work here, I had been working with the school and putting in all their techniques. It all didn't work.

School decided because of this, she was now classed as vulnerable.

It's likely it will be the same case for your DC

Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:35

@Looneytune253

I don't know everyone's circumstances but I'm a childminder dropping off at a school and this week there's been a massive increase in some reception children attending. No idea why just this week but there's been a marked increase. Maybe bringing in the younger ones ready for the full week next week. Not all of them mind so no idea of the reasoning. School have been quite strict throughout over who gets a place
Ours are older than Reception, but still lower end of primary.
OP posts:
CrappingMyself · 04/03/2021 19:36

Yes, everything has to be shared, fully to both parents. It's a full residence order for both parents, not one having primary residence. There have been significant issues in the past with the other parent doing things with school, doctors etc without our consent, in breach of the order.
I would ask to speak to the designated safeguarding lead for the school and ask about how they will ensure you are notified about your child's safety. I'm assuming the school have got a copy of the order on file and that the Family Liaison Officer or Pastoral have been made aware.

It would appear to me, based on what you have said here, there were concerns that the child was not accessing education in the other home, which is a statutory requirement, and the pupil was offered a place in school which the parent took up.

Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:38

@traveller11

Mine went back this week. She wasn't doing the work here, I had been working with the school and putting in all their techniques. It all didn't work.

School decided because of this, she was now classed as vulnerable.

It's likely it will be the same case for your DC

We were doing the work though, at great stress to try and cram it into half a week. We repeatedly expressed our worries about this to school and they've never told us about the dc getting a place. I really hope it's a miscommunication and not that there are concerns with the other household.
OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreStorable · 04/03/2021 19:41

@CrappingMyself

Yes, everything has to be shared, fully to both parents. It's a full residence order for both parents, not one having primary residence. There have been significant issues in the past with the other parent doing things with school, doctors etc without our consent, in breach of the order. I would ask to speak to the designated safeguarding lead for the school and ask about how they will ensure you are notified about your child's safety. I'm assuming the school have got a copy of the order on file and that the Family Liaison Officer or Pastoral have been made aware.

It would appear to me, based on what you have said here, there were concerns that the child was not accessing education in the other home, which is a statutory requirement, and the pupil was offered a place in school which the parent took up.

Thank you (and I love your name!)

The school did take a copy of the order eventually, although they tried to refuse it for a long time, but it was pointed out to them that they were regularly assisting the other parent in breaching it and they eventually took it. Communication had been brilliant since then though, with SLT involved, and we go direct to the teachers with everything now instead of it going through the office who didn't understand the implications at all.

OP posts:
monkeysox · 04/03/2021 19:45

Mine have had to go back this week as I've had to go back in to school myself (secondary) primary dc have been home with me up until now as was teaching from home.

scrivette · 04/03/2021 19:47

If they'd relaxed the criteria in general though, surely they'd have told both parents? As we didn't even know about it, if it was a general relaxation, then we could have taken the dc on the days they're with us too.

I don't think that our schools has told anyone they relaxed the criteria, I wonder if the other parent phoned and asked if they could return on specific days and were just told yes (and they didn't ask about the other days).

Hellebored · 04/03/2021 19:48

Try not to jump to conclusions. Our children have struggled with home learning and we're 2x keyworkers without a school place which isn't helping our situation. I found out by accident that because of all this our children were classed as vulnerable. When we asked the school we were told it wasn't our business but confirmed yes they were.

Still no school place offered. Our children are classed as vulnerable because a) the school work is crap and the kids (ks1) can't engage with it - none is live b) we're too busy working to pretend we're doing it c) they can't do what the school set unsupervised because they're little kids.

Some schools are a bit terrible and not always the ones you expect. I've always been supportive of them up to now but the wheels have fallen off during covid.

Our kids are not vulnerable by any other definition, we can't move for computers and devices, WiFi and books. Just how it is.

If I'd sent in one worksheet a month wouldn't be classed as vulnerable but not sure the kids would have learned much more. The whole situation is ridiculous.

Hellebored · 04/03/2021 19:50

As for criteria the school can do what they want. Ours has an official criteria which they ignore and an unofficial one in the head of the headteacher, lord knows what it is.

FireflyRainbow · 04/03/2021 19:50

Obviously something going on at the other household. Maybe she told school she wasn't coping.

TheCatWithTheFluffyTail · 04/03/2021 19:53

Lots of children started back at DD’s school after half term because their parents are key workers who had previously kept them at home or else they were struggling too much to do the work provided.