I havent had the easiest of relationships with my mother but she is quite ill now and I dont see her often because she lives abroad. I try not to rock the boat. We usually see each other twice a year, Christmas and summer holiday. I am their only child and my two children their only grandchildren.
My son is nearly 6 and I've always brought him up to be kind to animals and plants. We are vegetarian and my parents aren't.. which is fine.. and when they look after the grandchildren I dont mind what they cook etc
I also do not mind if my mother kills insects herself. She is allergic to insect bites and gets swollen lumps from them.
However last summer when we saw them I came across her teasing my son trying to get him to swat a fly... I just said 'oh dont wind him up like that' good naturedly and she stopped and I thought that was it.
But recently we were discussing maybe going over there in August if we are allowed to this year.... and my son looked worried.
After a time he started asking me why grandma kills insects, and I told him she's allergic to their bites etc
But it transpired she had been forcing him to kill insects on quite a few occasions and he has anxiously been thinking about it all this time. He seemed quite upset. He was saying I dont want to kill insects its wrong. I got the impression she was kind of bullying him into it. He said she made him squash a ladybird on the garden table...
Now I know this seems like a really petty issue but its just the fact that he's had this in his mind all year and it seems to be something worrying him.. im not sure how to handle it without looking disrespectful to my mother and causing an argument or bad feeling... our relationship is delicate anyway
But I feel very guilty about my son having to go through that when its obviously effecting him.
Should I try and speak to her about it or is that ridiculous?
Shes not the type of person who really takes on board any type of perceived criticism... both my parents think im oversensitive.. they have quite old school ideas they dont talk in emotional terms really and are set in their ways and respond negatively to any challenge to that (for example they chain smoke in the car even when they have my son in the car despite telling me they wouldn't just to placate me, but my son mentioned that they do it anyway)
So I'm at a loss as to how to make this better... how much do you put up with to keep a relationship stable and have grandparents in grandchildren lives?
I love them and I know they love my children... but I also don't want my son to be emotionally invalidated and essentially bullied
And we dont see them that often to be fair...
YABU ignore it you are overreacting
YANBU you have to try and do something about it