How would you handle this childminder situation?

[Pinkpurplepurple]

NC as possibly identifying

Sorry this is long

My DD started with a childminder early 2020 when she was approx 1 year old. Me and DH are both key workers so she kept her space through lockdown.

At first everything was absolutely fine and DD loved going but it seemed out of nowhere something switched and childminder took a dislike towards us. Was very snappy, very critical of DD (e.g. criticising that she wasn't able to fully use cutlery yet etc)
She also kept sending DD home saying she had diarrhea . I don't have a problem with sending her home is she is ill but it was literally every week and she never had diarrhea before or after coming home from childminders. It got to the point where we paid in full for 3 months of childcare but she was only in 2 or 3 days. (She went 2 days a week)

We looked for alternate childcare but was difficult to find anywhere in lockdown. The final straw came when she sent me a message again criticising that DD would not use cutlery. She then sent a video to 'prove her point'. It was horrible, DD was obviously very very upset and childminder was trying to force her to use cutlery and was being very snarky / mean to DD when she was too upset to do it. It was horrible to watch. We immediately collected her, paid our 8 weeks notice and kept DD home and used leave / family help to cover childcare around work.

I was very upset about what happened but DP said we should let it go. We found a new childminder who is lovely and DD is so happy.
However it has now come out that the original childminder had badmouthed us to various people, saying we were neglectful parents, saying DD obviously had an allergy causing the bad tummy but we just ignored it and lied about it and various other things. This has made me extremely angry, it is not true and how well DD is doing at new childminders with none of the previous issues shows this.

I am now in a position I want to do something about first childminder. I still have the video she sent me which anyone I have shown has said it borders on abusive. However original childminder has now moved to a different part of the country and I don't think is childminding anymore. So what can I do? I have looked up reporting to ofsted but I'm not sure they would care considering she is no longer childminding. I have thought about messaging her to confront her on her behaviour but I think she would just double down on what she has said. Any suggestions of further steps I could take at this point?

[Notapheasantplucker]

Fucking hell she sounds horrid.

[CroutonsAvatar]

She sounds like a psycho! You’ve done the right thing in contacting ofsted. It’s pretty shocking that she’s been sharing videos of your child to strangers. If someone sent me a video like that I’d think they were a nutter and tell them so.

I doubt you’re the ones coming off looking bad in this situation if this is how she’s behaving.

[DayBath]

The contract should have details about where the photos are allowed to be shared. It's pretty standard to agree to photography for the purposes of Tapestry, or advertising their services, but the scope is usually well defined and limited in contracts.

[mumwon]

If she was badmouthing you to other cm I can assure you they would be judging her not you -& on the qt they would be talking amongst themselves about HER. Unfortunately for these others cm reporting her to OFSTED would be unproductive (they wouldn't be interested & it could cause THEM problems wrong those this might seem) Nasty gossipy cm like this will get a bad rep amongst other prospective people who observed her.
Seriously op there isn't much you can do unless you report her to social workers & to be frank I am not sure about what they would do (though I think she was horrible & should never have been a cm)

[Alexandernevermind]

Ideally you would have reported to Ofsted at the time, but as others said still report in case she sets up again.
I'm glad your lo is settled with someone lovely.

[DayBath]

childmindinguk.com/legal-requirements

Have a look at the ICO section here. Contact the ICO to see if she was registered with them and ask them directly if they consider it a breech or not. You do not have to be certain of wrongdoing to ask them to investigate.

[SionnachGlic]

She can post pictures of your child...& it is in her contract. I would never never agree to this. I'd be livid she was sharing videos of my child. On top of the mistreatment. You are well shot. Find out the appropriate forum to complain (I don't know it) & make the complaint.

[Ugzbugz]

What a cunt, I wouldn't have paid the 8 weeks notice no way and would 100 percent report her. She will no doubt start uo again.

[snackmammy]

I would be furious and probably would have confronted her after the video! No one upsets my DC, records it and sends it to me! She sounds like a bitch and
I'm glad she is no longer childminding. Seeing as she has moved away and is no longer child minding the best thing to do is
Probably to forget about it and be glad she is out of your life. In the long run any action now is just prolonging your anger towards her. X

[Pinkpurplepurple]

Honestly I'm so mad at myself for being so passive about it when everything was going on and not confronting her strait away but I was so stressed with lockdown / finding new childcare / working that I just let it go

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

I don't think that there is much you can do except be grateful that she showed her true colours to you and you followed her instinct and removed her.

[bookworm34]

I'd send it to ofsted failing that I would name and shame her publicly. If she's sent a video of your child around without your permission whilst being abusive to your DD that's terrifying... just to imagine what she must of been like not being filmed.

[tracker222]

This gets worse! She needs reporting to the ICO as well as Ofsted. Absolutely appalling behavior

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@DayBath

Put the video on Facebook but edit it using an app so your child's face is blocked out. Leave no comment on the video just tag her former childminding service in. Let people judge for themselves what they think of her "skills".

It will probably result in a royal rumble but I can't see that it would break any laws if you make no comment. I don't have time for people like this. Let the truth stand for itself, if she's so perfect then she has nothing to fear by being exposed does she?

I was thinking this, too.

The video was given to you by her, so she can't claim that shows videoed without her own knowledge.

In hindsight (always 20/20) perhaps you should have taken this to Ofsted, or made it public when she sent it to you, or just refused to pay the notice time, and threatened to report her if she tried to sue for it.

Like you, I would probably have just wanted the whole thing done and dusted and moved on without comment, but I would also have been furious that she had the temerity to speak badly of you. Is there no redress regarding her slanderous comments - especially if you have the video.

It's very possible that she was bullying your baby (and she is a baby), then your DD defecated out of sheer fright when she was with this horrible woman. I wouldn't expect a child of 2 to be able to use spoons with any skill TBH i I think she was expecting too much from her, but I can't see why because it's not that much of a chore to wipe sticky hands after feeding a toddler.

[Wobblywombat]

Wouldn’t her career in childcare be over if you posted the video of DD on social media with a hashtag saying something like “XX’s methods with little children”?

[NettleTea]

I would imagine the bad tummy was entirely related to the childminders effect on your daughter - a stress reaction. Poor little thing.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

New childminder also has a friend who I believe is a teacher who also knew original childminder. This teacher had apparently seen the video of DD (we never sent this to anyone) so I believe is safe to assume original childminder has sent this and badmouthed us to this teacher. And if she has done it with this teacher who knows how many other people she has spoken to.

HUGE breach of confidentiality.

[MatildaTheCat]

Certainly report her.

However I really wouldn’t worry about her badmouthing you to anyone, anybody who knows her will already know what she’s like. It’s massively unlikely she became this horrid for one family only and then reverted to her normal lovely self.

I’m glad you have your baby settled elsewhere now.

[Highfivemum]

How awful to subject your child to what I see as abuse. If she was happy to show you a video like this then how did she act when not on video!!! Most def report to ofsted. They are there to regulate and she should not ever look after children again. I once reported another mum to ofsted. She was a childminder and would bring the brood of babies to school with her. She would chat away and ignore the fact they were in the rain without proper clothes and just left while she socialized. It tormenting me and the final straw was when she bought a tiny baby in a car seat and put the seat on the floor in the rain as she stood under cover. The baby as getting soaked. I eventually picked up the seat and put it under cover and she didn’t notice. !! I reported her. All I kept thinking was if that was my baby I would have fooored her and I am not a violent person. Report please

[Bopping298]

Well done for reporting her.

You did the best you could. Be kind to yourself.

[Haenow]

She sounds horrendous. Definitely report to OFSTED in case she returns to childminding.

I am unsure as to what outcome you’d get from confronting her now. She sounds unreasonable and I doubt she’d apologise.

[Frazzledbutcalm]

I would further contact Ofsted about the distribution of the video. I’d also contact the police to be honest. It sounds like abuse. It’s up to the police and Ofsted to actually investigate and decide in law, if it is or not.

You may have consented to photographs/videos ... you did not consent to them being sent to private individuals fir no other purpose than humiliation. I can’t see any other reason she’d share the video?

She sounds vile..

[Haenow]

Sorry, I missed that you’d sent an email to OFSTED. Well done, that was a good call. I’m sorry this happened to you and glad your DD is doing well at her new childcare.

[Pinkpurplepurple]

@Haenow that's what I thought, if she felt comfortable sending that video to me then she obviously doesn't think she has done anything wrong

[user1493413286]

I would still report to ofsted in case she decides to childmind again. In terms of anything else I don’t think you should do anything; I think messaging her will just lead to more stress and I don’t think you’ll get much resolution from it