How would you handle this childminder situation?

[Pinkpurplepurple]

NC as possibly identifying

Sorry this is long

My DD started with a childminder early 2020 when she was approx 1 year old. Me and DH are both key workers so she kept her space through lockdown.

At first everything was absolutely fine and DD loved going but it seemed out of nowhere something switched and childminder took a dislike towards us. Was very snappy, very critical of DD (e.g. criticising that she wasn't able to fully use cutlery yet etc)
She also kept sending DD home saying she had diarrhea . I don't have a problem with sending her home is she is ill but it was literally every week and she never had diarrhea before or after coming home from childminders. It got to the point where we paid in full for 3 months of childcare but she was only in 2 or 3 days. (She went 2 days a week)

We looked for alternate childcare but was difficult to find anywhere in lockdown. The final straw came when she sent me a message again criticising that DD would not use cutlery. She then sent a video to 'prove her point'. It was horrible, DD was obviously very very upset and childminder was trying to force her to use cutlery and was being very snarky / mean to DD when she was too upset to do it. It was horrible to watch. We immediately collected her, paid our 8 weeks notice and kept DD home and used leave / family help to cover childcare around work.

I was very upset about what happened but DP said we should let it go. We found a new childminder who is lovely and DD is so happy.
However it has now come out that the original childminder had badmouthed us to various people, saying we were neglectful parents, saying DD obviously had an allergy causing the bad tummy but we just ignored it and lied about it and various other things. This has made me extremely angry, it is not true and how well DD is doing at new childminders with none of the previous issues shows this.

I am now in a position I want to do something about first childminder. I still have the video she sent me which anyone I have shown has said it borders on abusive. However original childminder has now moved to a different part of the country and I don't think is childminding anymore. So what can I do? I have looked up reporting to ofsted but I'm not sure they would care considering she is no longer childminding. I have thought about messaging her to confront her on her behaviour but I think she would just double down on what she has said. Any suggestions of further steps I could take at this point?

[Russell19]

@pinkpurplepurple Why would Social Services think you are a bad parent?! You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You actively safeguarded your child by removing them from someone who you thought wasn't acting appropriately with your child. They would applaud that.

[Pinkpurplepurple]

Thank you everyone for being so kind and pushing me to report. It sounds really silly but I was still having doubts wonderingly if I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I've reported to Ofsted and LADO although that's made me a bit anxious that social services will think I'm a terrible parent.

Luckily DD is at a new childminders and has settled amazingly well, no issues at all and is really happy to be there so looks like no lasting damage has been done

[Lalliella]

Oh OP I am so sorry this happened to you and your poor DD, it sounds horrendous. No wonder she had a bad tummy at the CM’s. Definitely report - to Ofsted, to social services and to local authority safeguarding. CM must be a bit thick to circulate a video of her abusing a child.

And just in case you have any concerns about DD using cutlery - my DS aged 18 isn’t great at it!

[Frazzledbutcalm]

sakura

Child abuse IS a police matter.
Sharing images of children IS a police matter.

[Russell19]

OP this is totally not your fault and you took her out as soon as you saw that video. You protected her as soon as you saw it. It's her fault not yours. I certainly wouldn't have paid the 8 weeks notice though, you're kinder than me.

[Goodmum1234]

I would report her to your local authority safeguarding department and state where she has moved to so this can be shared. Ofsted too so it remains on her record. I would share the video with them. I think data protection has been broken too as she shared the video. Maybe ask the local
Authority if they have a gdpr officer about the video sharing. Serious stuff and not acceptable for you or future parents. Your poor child.

[Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou]

This made me really sad when I read it, your poor little girl! I would have been so so angry and upset if anyone ever did that to my little girl. Please do report her, she wounds bloody awful! What a bitch. I bet she will be wanting to start childminding again in the future and imagine if she did this to another family? Awful. Please update us and let us know what happens.

[MNWorldisCrazy]

Sounds like your DD had a bad tummy through stress & fear of being around that *!

I'd call the police personally. Child abuse

[SakuraEdenSwan1]

@Frazzledbutcalm

I would further contact Ofsted about the distribution of the video. I’d also contact the police to be honest. It sounds like abuse. It’s up to the police and Ofsted to actually investigate and decide in law, if it is or not.

You may have consented to photographs/videos ... you did not consent to them being sent to private individuals fir no other purpose than humiliation. I can’t see any other reason she’d share the video?

She sounds vile..

This is not a Police matter, they have much more serious issues to be dealing with.

[SakuraEdenSwan1]

Write a trust pilot review on her Childminding, and yes make an official complaint to Ofsted in the hope they revoke her registration in case she starts back up in her new area.

[thosetalesofunexpected]

@Pinkpurplepurple

Maybe a social worker or someone who works for child protection organisations will come on board this thread post later on op

I have a feeling someone will later .😕

[Motnight]

Bloody hell. Well done Op on reporting this horrible woman.

[thosetalesofunexpected]

@Pinkpurplepurple

I am sorry about your childs experience by Arsehole childminder op

I would report this former childminders to social services in the area she is living at now,
Just in case she decides to become a childminders again,once she feels settled.

Tell social services you are extremly concerned about the possibility of this cause of x y z etc reasons op.

[Swandaisyswan]

You aren’t a bad mother at all. People like this are usually excellent at deceiving others.

[Pinkpurplepurple]

@WinstonmissesXmas thank you I did not know LADO was a thing but I have also reported to them aswell now

I feel like I've reported to so many places this morning, hopefully something comes of it. Thank you everyone for being so nice about it, I honestly have felt like the worlds worst mother for letting this happen to my DD

[Swandaisyswan]

How awful. I am sorry this has happened to your DC. You must be so relieved knowing she is happy in her new setting. I would also be concerned about what else was going on behind the scenes if she thought that her actions in the video were something she was happy to share with a parent! I expect she was attracted to childminding as there is no real oversight and she knew she could get away with things she wouldn’t in a nursery setting. Sadly people who abuse children often move areas when suspicion points towards them
so reporting is definitely the right thing.

[custardbear]

I honestly don't know and others would know better than me, but I do hope you're able to get justine foe yournooor child - if she's recording that what's happening behind the scenes - I'd be inclined to contact child safety organisations or even a solicitor so she's told to stop sharing the abusive video of your child

She sounds toxic - good luck

[Noshowlomo]

I feel sick reading this, the thought of someone filming my child whilst he's struggling. YANBU OP I would take this as far as I could

[RedMarauder]

saying we were neglectful parents, saying DD obviously had an allergy causing the bad tummy but we just ignored it and lied about it and various other things.

You do realise that she should have reported you to SS if she felt that your child wasn't receiving adequate medical care from you? Shame you didn't report her at the time as she was failing in her duties of safeguarding the children under her care but if you have any recorded proof e.g. written of her saying this, then add this to your complaint.

[WinstonmissesXmas]

Ofsted, LADO and ICO.

[Thefaceofboe]

How old is your DD? I’m confused why anyone would think it’s okay to send a video to show you how your daughter couldn’t use her cutlery... thank god you moved childminders she sounds absolutely awful.

[Chocsmyfav]

What about the care commission? I’m in Scotland so I don’t know if you have that.

[JellyNo15]

Horrified to hear of these terrible childminders!! I am a childminder and can't understand why people like them want to work with children. I can only imagine they expect it to be easy money? I am so very sorry you have had this gap to your DD. You have absolutely done the right thing reporting.

[MissBPotter]

I would still report in case she tried to start childminding again.

[PopsicleHustler]

Wow, you are very nice to still have paid this lady. What a cruel childminder. Keep the video and report to Ofsted