How would you handle this childminder situation?

[Pinkpurplepurple]

NC as possibly identifying

Sorry this is long

My DD started with a childminder early 2020 when she was approx 1 year old. Me and DH are both key workers so she kept her space through lockdown.

At first everything was absolutely fine and DD loved going but it seemed out of nowhere something switched and childminder took a dislike towards us. Was very snappy, very critical of DD (e.g. criticising that she wasn't able to fully use cutlery yet etc)
She also kept sending DD home saying she had diarrhea . I don't have a problem with sending her home is she is ill but it was literally every week and she never had diarrhea before or after coming home from childminders. It got to the point where we paid in full for 3 months of childcare but she was only in 2 or 3 days. (She went 2 days a week)

We looked for alternate childcare but was difficult to find anywhere in lockdown. The final straw came when she sent me a message again criticising that DD would not use cutlery. She then sent a video to 'prove her point'. It was horrible, DD was obviously very very upset and childminder was trying to force her to use cutlery and was being very snarky / mean to DD when she was too upset to do it. It was horrible to watch. We immediately collected her, paid our 8 weeks notice and kept DD home and used leave / family help to cover childcare around work.

I was very upset about what happened but DP said we should let it go. We found a new childminder who is lovely and DD is so happy.
However it has now come out that the original childminder had badmouthed us to various people, saying we were neglectful parents, saying DD obviously had an allergy causing the bad tummy but we just ignored it and lied about it and various other things. This has made me extremely angry, it is not true and how well DD is doing at new childminders with none of the previous issues shows this.

I am now in a position I want to do something about first childminder. I still have the video she sent me which anyone I have shown has said it borders on abusive. However original childminder has now moved to a different part of the country and I don't think is childminding anymore. So what can I do? I have looked up reporting to ofsted but I'm not sure they would care considering she is no longer childminding. I have thought about messaging her to confront her on her behaviour but I think she would just double down on what she has said. Any suggestions of further steps I could take at this point?

[LondonerRandomName]

I would report to OFSTED as to (1) contents of video which evidences her conduct; and (2) the fact that she has circulated the video to others. The waiver to have your kid videod does not give the right to send it to random ppl for in effect bitching.

At the very least when she tries to take up childminding again, it will be issues that will be looked at. We made this mistake and let the childminder get away with unprofessional behaviour regarding our son (later diagnosed with ASD) - lying to us to get out of looking after him. A year or two later l found out she was a TA working with special needs kids at a school. I never forgave myself for not flagging up with OFSTED. She was a liar and who knows what more she was capable of lying about.

[Sahm101]

If it were me, I would go through every avenue I can after this woman. Your poor dd. I can't imagine what else she did. And she then distributed it. Disgusting. Ofsted, legal, police. Explore what you can do.

[June628]

Hi OP;
I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say that sounds awful! So glad your DD is settled with a new much nicer childminder now! It’s so hard leaving your child with someone else (can you tell I have a DC who is just starting nursery 😂) to then have to deal with them being nasty too!
Sending videos of your child to anyone else goes against data protection/ safeguarding surely! Completely unprofessional and irresponsible. If she still has a fb / website active I would leave a review warning people off in case she resumes her business again.
I hope OFSTED can help and do something!

[Beautiful3]

Yes report to Ofsted and forward the video. Its good to keep on record in case she takes up child minding again.

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

She sounds completely unsuitable to be looking after young children. That video sounds heartbreaking, to have to watch someone bully your distressed child, and for them to film themselves doing it. She is definitely not right in the head.

Forget Ofsted, I'd send a bloody hitman to take the bitch out if she did that to my child.

[lydia2021]

My heart bleeds for you and your little daughter. I had a similar childminder once. She said my baby had a violent temper and tried to kick her. While she was trying to feed her yoghurt.. my baby was 9 months old. Then she said another comment regarding my babys genitals.i never left her with this woman again. Then another woman 2 years later found a handprint on her daughters back, after she picked her girl up. Her daughter also couldn't lift her arm. She took it further. Sadly there are people working with kids who shouldnt be. I am pleased your child now has a nice person childminding her. We have to be vigilant to words or deeds and move our kids fast.

[SMabbutt]

She sounds dreadful. I know you've reported to Ofsted but if the video shows she was abusive then consider reporting to social services. You said it was borderline abuse on the video, and yet she felt comfortable sharing it with you so what was she like off camera? Thank goodness you got your dd out of there as soon as you saw how she was treating her.

[Russell19]

Definitely report and follow through with it. If she behaves like that ON VIDEO what on earth does she do when in private?!
I don't understand why she was so bothered about the cutlery, an objective on using cutlery is still in the Reception early years framework under physical development area (reception teacher here) so there was nothing wrong with your child not having grasped it yet. Especially at 1 year old!!!!

[CroutonsAvatar]

@LondonerRandomName

I would report to OFSTED as to (1) contents of video which evidences her conduct; and (2) the fact that she has circulated the video to others. The waiver to have your kid videod does not give the right to send it to random ppl for in effect bitching.

At the very least when she tries to take up childminding again, it will be issues that will be looked at. We made this mistake and let the childminder get away with unprofessional behaviour regarding our son (later diagnosed with ASD) - lying to us to get out of looking after him. A year or two later l found out she was a TA working with special needs kids at a school. I never forgave myself for not flagging up with OFSTED. She was a liar and who knows what more she was capable of lying about.

Yes, that’s what I was getting at. I understand allowing videos and photos for advertising and for the parents. But videos being sent to random people to berate you and your child is something you could never consent to. It’s disgusting.

Out of interest, what did your childminder say about it when she mentioned her friend had seen this video?

[Cheeseandlobster]

Definitely report it. You wont forgive yourself if you dont. I had a similar situation when ds was younger where his childminder would put down his clothes and she blamed me for everything that ever went wrong. For example she offered a collection service and one time she didnt shut the car door properly where ds was. When I pointed it out she said I had done it when I had actually been bringing my escapee dog back into the house. I was being bullied at work and I had moved to a new area so my mental health was poor and she made me feel I was the problem. Especially since she had long standing customers though in hindsight she favoured girls.

The final straw was when 3 year old ds told me her 18 year old son had thrown him onto the sofa and called him a fucking prick. I raised it with her immediately and her response was "My son is autistic. He cant help it" I took ds out immediately and a neighbour minded him who loved him to bits and never treated him badly

I wasn't strong enough to raise it officially for a year and when I tried to she wasnt on the Ofsted list anymore. Ds is 19 now and I still wish I had pursued it. It makes me angry even now.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

If she still has a fb / website active I would leave a review warning people off in case she resumes her business again.

No - I'd be careful about that. It may be legally actionable if it's regarded as libellous. Don't give her the satisfaction. Let the appropriate authorities deal with it.

[DayBath]

ico.org.uk/make-a-complaint/

You can complain under the personal information section. As a registered childminder she should have paid to be a member, and if she didn't but still took video then that's a further breach again. Everyone keeps saying complain to Ofsted but their scope is limited. I agree they definitely need to know but the ICO actually regulates how childminders handle data like photos and videos.

[Sallycinnamum]

OP I had a bad experience with my DS childminder years ago and I reported her to Ofsted.

My DH had taken him in the morning and had to pop back with his change bag and found him all alone in the room she used at the end of the garden alone and strapped into his pushchair. I later found out she was also asking her cleaner to supervise the younger kids while she went out in the car to collect her son from school.

Ofsted sent me a letter with their findings and she shut down soon after.

It was a deeply upsetting experience but as I was pregnant at the time I just withdrew him from her care.

Definitely report. What a bloody awful woman she is.

[Jeremyironseverything]

Yes this is worth pursuing for the sake of other potential mindees.

[Yaya26]

OMG your post has made me feel sick. Your poor little girl. What a b*tch and how horrible for you and your dp. I dont know any children who can use cutlery properly at 1 year old. I still have to remind my 5 year old! I would report her in a flash in case she ever returns to child minding. Not my style usually but I would also have named and shamed her all over social media - still would.

[Enwi]

Oh I’m so sorry this has happened to you😔 how awful.

I’m a childminder, and yes you should absolutely report to Ofsted. As others have said, just because she isn’t childminding now doesn’t mean she won’t be planning to in the future.

All I can say is thank goodness she was open and honest about how unkind she was.

[Enwi]

Be very careful about slandering on social media. I don’t think much will be gained if she’s moved out of area and not childminding, but you have a lot to lose.

Also, as a childminder myself if I had a new family who was slagging their old childminder off all over social media it would cause me great concern.

[PopsicleHustler]

Wow, you are very nice to still have paid this lady. What a cruel childminder. Keep the video and report to Ofsted

[MissBPotter]

I would still report in case she tried to start childminding again.

[JellyNo15]

Horrified to hear of these terrible childminders!! I am a childminder and can't understand why people like them want to work with children. I can only imagine they expect it to be easy money? I am so very sorry you have had this gap to your DD. You have absolutely done the right thing reporting.

[Chocsmyfav]

What about the care commission? I’m in Scotland so I don’t know if you have that.

[Thefaceofboe]

How old is your DD? I’m confused why anyone would think it’s okay to send a video to show you how your daughter couldn’t use her cutlery... thank god you moved childminders she sounds absolutely awful.

[WinstonmissesXmas]

Ofsted, LADO and ICO.

[RedMarauder]

saying we were neglectful parents, saying DD obviously had an allergy causing the bad tummy but we just ignored it and lied about it and various other things.

You do realise that she should have reported you to SS if she felt that your child wasn't receiving adequate medical care from you? Shame you didn't report her at the time as she was failing in her duties of safeguarding the children under her care but if you have any recorded proof e.g. written of her saying this, then add this to your complaint.

[Noshowlomo]

I feel sick reading this, the thought of someone filming my child whilst he's struggling. YANBU OP I would take this as far as I could