To be annoyed with DP work?

[angrylama]

DP has been WFH for a year now. In that time work constructed many plans of when he was going back we have you will all be back in the office full time from April 2020 then you will all be back in the office from September 2020 then you will all be back in the office from January 2021 and the latest is they will all be back from April 2021 however not necessarily full time.

DP has been looking after DS since I've gone back to work. It works with his work schedule and DS has always been happy to entertain himself (DP never had any zoom meetings etc so it doesn't impact him in any way, it's more a fill in a form send an email type job). Each time we've started sorting out nursery's and then we've been told oh no you're not going back yet etc.

Our biggest issue is now the only on site sometimes statement. To put it into context if we put DS in nursery full time then we will be in a difficult financial position. We can survive but it will be tight hence why we are trying to hold off for as long and possible and each month have been putting away half of what a nursery would have cost us so have built up some reserves.

Now DP work know he looks after DS however with his 'numbers' at all all time high they have said they don't care as long as he continues to produce work.

DP as well as some others in his team have asked what is happening in April now the the government announcement has been made etc. They keep saying they are not sure and will let them know soon. They keep saying at the moment it is a flexible model so you wouldn't be on site all week but they can give no indication on days, times etc. At the start I was calm about it and said to DP we are all trying to work out what's happening but this is ridiculous now! Since they said this some planning must have taken place at some point! They must know a workable option either way. It's causing major anxieties and not helping us sort our childcare (which is impossible with spaces at the min?)

AIBU to be annoyed and frustrated.

Sorry but flexible days on site/in the office/at home is going to be very common going forwards and your childcare isn’t their problem. His company have been very nice so far allowing him to look after DC whilst working but that is unusual. The company is completely within its rights to have flexible days and to not have a plan yet. You need to put your DC in nursery the days he will be working really, as you would have done if he was 100% in the office.

I think the government said to work from home if you can until June, could be wrong though, but your dp’s workplace isn’t unreasonable to not give you a definite answer when times are still uncertain

They can't know what is going to happen though can they? No one does. You can't demand certainty from them as they're not in control of this situation.

Is he getting paid his usual wage? What would’ve been your childcare plan had the pandemic not happened and he’d been at work as usual all this time, if you say putting DS in Nursery would cause you to struggle financially?

In all fairness, though, does this really put you in a different position to the one you'd have been in if none of this was happening? If both you and your partner were at work in the normal way, you'd presumably be paying for full time nursery - you've had the benefit for this period of time of being able to avoid doing that, or indeed of having any childcare costs at all, and tbh you've been lucky to have a combination of job and child that made that possible. Totally fair enough to find the pandemic frustrating - we all do! - but I don't think it's really the employer's fault that things keep changing and they've had to adjust, and it sounds as though they've been pretty reasonable in terms of accommodating childcare responsibilities alongside work.

I wouldn't like my nursery age child to basically be in their own all day, not from a safety perspective as your husband is there but from an interaction perspective surely he's better at nursery and your husband can just get on with his job, we've all had to do it for to the current circumstances but it isn't great for the child and it isn't ideal for work. You need to look at it another way, you were going to have to put him in nursery full time before so you've saved a year of that cost, can some of that money to towards future nursery bills?

They are not being unreasonable. How are businesses supposed to plan when the situation changes regularly and the government regulrly changes their mind. My company have been exactly the same. Going on government advice at the time, they thought we would all be back in the office from september then January now it's probably early summer. As a pp has said its good they are letting him wfh while looking after a nursery aged child, given nurseries have been open from june last year they didnt have to do this. Hopefully when they go back he will be able to negotiate something such as having every Wednesday from home and being flexible the rest of the time. Surely it's better for your child to be in nursery though, it can't be much fun seeing daddy working most of the time and not going anywhere (when things start to open). Also how were you planning to pay for childcare if this hadn't happened? I think you've been lucky you've been able to use this time to save to be honest

Employers are only really ok with people looking after children while working because of the pandemic situation. It’s certainly not the norm. I’m not sure why you’re annoyed that they kept talking about different return to office dates either - most companies did as you just had to follow government guidance. The date we were being told this would ‘over’ kept changing.

I think you need to sort childcare for whenever you will both be working - whether that’s WFH or in the office. That is what will be expected once we go back to ‘normal’.

As a pp has said it’s highly unusual for a workplace to allow you to work while also providing sole childcare, particularly for such a young child. You’ve been lucky to have saved nursery fees til now.
I’d imagine as he gets older he will need extra supervision and stimulation so it’s probably best to look at a nursery place now, even if just for 2 or 3 days a week.
Then he can let work know those are the days he can work in the office when the time comes?

What were you planning to do with DS if coronavirus hadn’t happened and f you were both back at work full time?

We’re in a similar position but I would have been in the office back in may last year, so we kept Ds at home a few extra months (which was unexpectedly great) and sent him in August (I can’t really do my job at home and look after DS) when him being at home was untenable. We’d always planned to send him to nursery before he was born though.

If you haven't even started sorting nurseries do you know if there is any space locally? Where I am you are looking at a waiting list of over a year. You can't just keep putting it off and hope some good childcare magically appears when you need it. We paid for a couple of months childcare before I even had a job.

@EachBleachBlairTrump

I wouldn't like my nursery age child to basically be in their own all day, not from a safety perspective as your husband is there but from an interaction perspective surely he's better at nursery and your husband can just get on with his job, we've all had to do it for to the current circumstances but it isn't great for the child and it isn't ideal for work. You need to look at it another way, you were going to have to put him in nursery full time before so you've saved a year of that cost, can some of that money to towards future nursery bills?

Exactly this.

I understand it's frustrating. But you've been able to save on full time nursery fees for a year, so from that angle you've been fortunate.

I get that you must be worrying about finding a nursery place though. They're hard to get at the best of times!

I'm not sure what you are expecting from them. If his days in the office are going to vary, at any point in future, April or more likely later, you need to be booking nursery or childcare to cover. A childminder might be more flexible on varying days. However there will be a time soon when dc needs more attention than at present, if you have not already passed that point, so wfh and doing childcare less productive, and he would benefit from company of his peers. You must have saved money in the meantime.

Lots of people in similar situation. Tbf, your childcare isn’t an employer’s concern. So ye, yabu, sorry 🥴

It seems that most companies rightly relaxed their rules re WFH combined with child caring during lockdown but it's really unrealistic to assume they will continue to do so.

Presumably if you both work, in normal times your DC would have to go to nursery so you've saved a year's worth of nursery fees.

To put it into context if we put DS in nursery full time then we will be in a difficult financial position
What would you have done if there's been no pandemic?

The circumstances have meant you've been able to save on nursery, which is good, but doesn't mean you are entitled to assume this should be the status quo for the future.

You financial circumstances are of no consequences to your OH's business planning. Why should it be?

I think you should be grateful they have been so relaxed about it so far rather than complain

What exactly are they saying about being back in the office?

They can't have said that everyone will be back in the office by April, September or the end of 2020, because that wasn't ever possible in most cases. They will have been kicking the can down the road at best. They should be following the 'work from home if you can' advice until at least June for a start.

Can your DP make a formal request to permanently work from home, or fix his hours/days in the office so you can plan your nursery requirements? Will you be entitled to free hours or UC to help with the cost? Are you able to compress or flex your hours to reduce the nursery days you need?

You won't be the only family who needs to sort their childcare arrangements out and your employer is being very short sighted if they think they can randomise the days people are in the office without causing everyone great inconvenience, but it is an unusual job that allows people to work effectively at the same time as adequately caring for nursery age DC.

You need to sort out nurseries, I dont really think it's any good your kid spending all day essentially alone. They'll be missing so much compared to their peers.

In terms of work. How could you possibly expect them to know, nobody does, what do you want them to do? Whip out their crystal ball and tell you when the pandemic will be over and the government tells us we can all be in close contact again?

To be honest, your childcare arrangements are not the employers problem. I am a manager and at the moment we are being as fleixble as possible with our staff as we know that many have young children at home. This due to a specific set of circumstances though, it is certainly not the norm.
If the pandemic had never happened then you would have sorted out childcare that covered both your own and your husbands working hours I presume?
There should be no difference to that now. You should be sorting childcare that covers both your working weeks as they would be under normal circumstances.
Think about it from the employers point of view, they are paying people to do a job, not look after their children.
Would you have ever considered before the pandemic that your husband could take the child to the office to entertain themselves? Of course you wouldn't have because it is not what you do. You have been lucky so far in not having childcare costs.

You are being massively unreasonable.

What was your childcare plan/set up before covid?

Surely if none of this had happened your partner would be at work and your son would need childcare?
Your partners work aren’t creating this problem, it’s just the situation everyone is in right now.
You can’t really fault them for starting plans to return based on government advice that then ended up changing as the situation progressed.
I understand employers needing to be accommodating when schools are literally shut but this sounds like you just got used to not paying for childcare and now you don’t want to do that anymore, which although I’m sure people can sympathise it isn’t really your partners employer’s problem.

At the start you were calm but this is ridiculous now???

So what his work are saying is that from April, they possibly want their full time employed and paid workers to be available for work during any of their full time hours. In what world is that a ridiculous thing for an employer to ask for? The fact that they can't give a definite plan now is because things have kept changing so much this last year and no one knows exactly what will happen April to June and if we will be able to follow the road map dates given as first possible relaxing of rules.

What you've had up to now has been a huge bonus to you financially.

I know that all children are different but I don't know of any child in my family/ friends who would entertain themselves all day long, so again, you've had a huge bonus there of having such an easy child and your partner having such an easy job of just filling in forms and sending emails.

In your position I'd be looking back and thinking how incredibly lucky you've got during all this, and now is the time to appreciate the savings you've made but go back to whatever plan A was for you both working before the pandemic hit.

Can you invest your savings into the government tax free childcare vouchers? Make your money go further? You can invest a certain amount per tax year, so open and account ASAP to use this tax year then next.

Long term you will need childcare, even if your DH continues to wfh, at best he will be having to ignore your DS for periods of time to do his job or he will be ignoring work to run around after an active toddler, neither is ideal. My advice would be to secure some hours at nursery from April? Not full time just some days, that way your DS has a place, and gets used to nursery. Hours can be extended if needed.

This sort of thing makes my blood boil, OP. DP and I both work from home and our child is in nursery, as she should be because you can’t work and provide childcare at the same time. We’d like to continue WFH but, even with the Covid-induced “WFH revolution” (that isn’t really happening), it’s tough to convince employers that people won’t take the piss and have their kid at home at the same time.

Childcare was a problem in lockdown one because it was all shut. It’s not shut now, so you are being VVVVVVVVVVVU. Yes, fees are a struggle. They are for most people. Just get on with it. Or choose a cheaper provider – childminder, grandparents – or change your hours. Don’t blame the employer. (And I’m rarely on the side of the capitalist boot, but come on.)