To be annoyed with DP work?

[angrylama]

DP has been WFH for a year now. In that time work constructed many plans of when he was going back we have you will all be back in the office full time from April 2020 then you will all be back in the office from September 2020 then you will all be back in the office from January 2021 and the latest is they will all be back from April 2021 however not necessarily full time.

DP has been looking after DS since I've gone back to work. It works with his work schedule and DS has always been happy to entertain himself (DP never had any zoom meetings etc so it doesn't impact him in any way, it's more a fill in a form send an email type job). Each time we've started sorting out nursery's and then we've been told oh no you're not going back yet etc.

Our biggest issue is now the only on site sometimes statement. To put it into context if we put DS in nursery full time then we will be in a difficult financial position. We can survive but it will be tight hence why we are trying to hold off for as long and possible and each month have been putting away half of what a nursery would have cost us so have built up some reserves.

Now DP work know he looks after DS however with his 'numbers' at all all time high they have said they don't care as long as he continues to produce work.

DP as well as some others in his team have asked what is happening in April now the the government announcement has been made etc. They keep saying they are not sure and will let them know soon. They keep saying at the moment it is a flexible model so you wouldn't be on site all week but they can give no indication on days, times etc. At the start I was calm about it and said to DP we are all trying to work out what's happening but this is ridiculous now! Since they said this some planning must have taken place at some point! They must know a workable option either way. It's causing major anxieties and not helping us sort our childcare (which is impossible with spaces at the min?)

AIBU to be annoyed and frustrated.

I think you need to book a nursery place now and hope they will let you cancel days if needed.
Some employers are furloughing people for childcare reasons so you've been very lucky that hasn't happened so far.

And WFH should be Working not looking after your children. Nurseries are open so there's very little excuse.

I'm an employer and have a team of about 15 people currently WFH.

We keep putting back the dates for a return to the office to the point that we've recently just said "WFH until we tell you otherwise" but have promised we'll give them notice about when it will change.

What the office will look like when it reopens is unclear. I imagine we won't just go straight back to being full time in the office and there will be a rota to keep a reduced number of people in.

As PPs have said, with the goalposts constantly changing it is nigh on impossible for businesses to make a firm decision, so there is a lot of uncertainty.

Your DP's employers do sound reasonable though, so they're likely to be flexible (as I would be) to your individual circumstances when they make a definite decision (i.e. give you a little longer to arrange childcare and continue to WFH until it's sorted).

Use the money that you saved from not using childcare for a whole year.

Also some nurseries are flexible with hours.

Sorry I don’t actually understand what your problem is. You can’t afford to stick your child in nursery (despite two salaries?), your DP is currently looking after him while working at home with no return to work date but this is an issue? Is the problem that you can’t afford childcare so don’t want your DP back in work, or you’re pissed your DP isn’t at work despite being unable to afford childcare?

Can your husband put in an official flexible working request to get some fixed hours that suit you? He could ask to drop a day to look after your child.

As others have said, far from being annoyed with DP's work, you should be pleased that they've been so understanding for so long. My employer has been great and understanding of people who have children at home, but it's expected them to use childcare when it's been open - and pre-school childcare has been running since September.

Paying out for nursery is makes money tight for most people; you've been fortunate to get away without doing it for so long.

This past year has caused thousands of families to juggle struggle and adapt.
Be great full you have a income and it is still ok to parent and work.
Don't add to your families stress or pressure you have to adapt to rules and parenting and working is never easy.
Put the child into childcare with your past years savings
Given the excellent care and experiences of childcare centres I never resent paying the fees at all I see it as education
Complaining wont change something when the workplace have adapted so you can continue to earn a living!
That's the key to a working parent is exactly that- how lucky you are!
Welcome or parenting where you have many choices and juggles-

What was your plan for childcare if there hadn’t been a pandemic and dp was working in the office as normal?

YABU completely. Your childcare is your problem and you both should have been looking at nurseries already. It is not the employers problem to work around your child, you decided to have a child so this should have been something you considered before, what would happen childcare wise.
Office dates for re entry are being pushed back, ours has many times, but it's one of those things. It evolves with the situation at the moment and they don't know any more than anyone else.

YABVU.

Employers cannot commit to a timeline because there is so much uncertainty. If they insisted he went back on a certain date and advice changed would you then be angry that you had commited to childcare?

If you both work you need childcare. If he can work and look after your child you are extremely fortunate so be grateful.

How old is your little one at the moment? It's unlikely that he will be as easy to handle alongside working from home as he gets older. Is/will your husband really be working the day, or is it actually more a case of getting some work done during the day and catching up "after hours"?

I've always worked from home (very flexibly and part-time), and how I fitted that in was constantly changing when DD was little, as her needs/demands changed.

Nevertheless, it's worth people getting together and pressing for some provisional plans - which days, even if they don't know when that will start. You might use different nursery provision when working from home , and people with older children might not need after-school care on days when working from home.

Failing that, it might be worth looking for a nursery, and booking him in for a couple of days a week. When work sort themselves out, DH can lobby for days which fit with that. A larger nursery may well be able to fit him in for additional days if that turns out to be necessary.

I don’t understand, what would you have done about childcare if there had been no pandemic?

You OH’s work sound ultra accommodating so I wouldn’t be annoyed at them.

'It might be worth looking for a nursery, and booking him in for a couple of days a week. When work sort themselves out, DH can lobby for days which fit with that. A larger nursery may well be able to fit him in for additional days if that turns out to be necessary'

This. And like other posters, if there was no pandemic you'd be paying for childcare anyway & your DC needs socialization & play time with other children

What was your plan when you got pregnant? Surely your DS would have been going to nursery/childminder if there wasn't a pandemic so what were you planning on doing.

I think your DH's employer has been fair given no one knows what on earth will happen next!

Ok so before the pandemic we had a nursery place which was 2 days a week and then my parents had kindly offered to have DS on the other 3 days. I wasn't due back to work until august anyway and nursery deposit was paid etc.

Once covid hit the nursery we had chosen went bust and closed down we lost our deposit etc but accepted it is what it is and moved on. We have since been unsuccessful in finding a nursery who could accommodate the days we needed so decided a childminder would be the way forward so paid a deposit on one we liked.

In December my parents announced they were moving 350 miles away and moved later on that week (they had kept it from the family) so we were left without those days. The childminder we had chosen could not accommodate full time and so we had to start looking for a new person. We found a nursery who could take him from feb full time however we hated the nursery and couldn't see him fitting in there.

2 weeks later DP was told he was WFH until April where they would go back on flexible days and was told they would never go back to a full week again. Due to the hours that he works we had chosen the nursery nearer his work as I work much longer days and couldn't make the pick up times provided (there are no nursery's closer to home that have spaces).

For context his company have always allowed childcare whilst WFH and most employees use WFH as childcare regularly before covid so it's not a problem employer side.

We just want to know days that's all we need. Some teams have been given a plan e.g if we were to return in April then our team will be doing 2 days a week on Monday and Thursdays some have been told that they will be in the office a maximum 3 days a week so there are plans in there just not all teams have been told.

You are being massively unreasonable. They have no obligation to plan the office days around your childcare needs and sounds like they have been very reasonable so far to allow employees to use WFH for childcare even before Covid was a thing.

Their priority is their business, not ensuring you are happy with their plan.

YABU. You've saved shedloads from not having to pay for childcare for a year. And employers can't give definite info when the guidelines keep changing.

I think you’re being unreasonable. No one knew how this pandemic would play out, it’s really not on to complain they kept making plans and had to change them because of lock downs.

His company is working on it. In the meantime personally I’d prepare to send your child to nursery. If the long term solution turns out that it’s not required, then yes you’ll have a cost but you can ultimately cancel.

Things change - can you check with the cm again. Your dc is older now and others may have moved on or swapped days. Yabu to expect his employer to commit when they have no real indication of when or what may be their business requirement.

I've read your update and sorry no, I still don't think you can be annoyed with them. Find childcare and cancel the days if he can put in a flexible working request for set days to WFH (very lucky to have the employer he does!).

On a side note, your parents told you the week they were moving that they were moving! That's what I'd be annoyed at as they'd promised childcare.

Has he discussed it with his manager and put a flexible working request?

Are they genuinely happy for him to look after a child whilst being paid to work on a permanent basis? If so, they have to be the most flexible and low expectations co.oany I've ever known.

Whether or not the employer uses allows it in non covid times does not change the fact that it is really unfair on the child.

You can't do a job and give the attention needed to a child once they get past the baby stage. It is one thing being able to work from home if your child is ill, it is quite another to try and do it as a permanent solution.

It's not possible to work full time and look after a nursery age child. You've had nearly a year saving a lot of money by not sending your child to nursery.

You need to get a childcare place sorted out.

Well they can't know because nobody does. And you can't expect his work to allow him to look after his child and work in normal circumstances. That's just not right.