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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I crazy?

95 replies

Pegkelly · 01/03/2021 07:55

Hi everyone! I had a huge row with my husband on Saturday night and am now wondering if I over reacted or am I justified in being so annoyed? I’m 35 weeks pregnant. My husband asked if I minded he went to his buddy’s house for a few beers on Saturday night. Of course I don’t mind, in my current state I’m in bed by 8.30 most nights! I worked in my studio (away from our home) Saturday afternoon. I had specifically asked him what time he was leaving at- he just said “tonight”. When I arrived home at 5.30pm he was already gone. I text him immediately and asked was he actually gone for beers already. He replied and said he was. I wrote back that I was surprised it was so early and he hadn’t let me know. I said the normal thing to do would be to call me, ask when I was home, were we having dinner together, and that he would walk the dog (who was with me) or basically was there anything I needed before he left. He said back he didn’t know what time I’d be home so just left, what’s the big deal. He also said he intended to be home early. I responded by saying I was annoyed and felt that was a bit sneaky, running out before I could say a word. He didn’t reply. I went to bed as normal and woke up at 12.30am, he still wasn’t home. I text and said “I thought u intended to be home early- 7 hours of beer seems like a lot to me”. He read the message and ignored it. I woke again at 1.30am, still not home, so I text saying “8 hours later and your still not home, not cool”, he didn’t reply. He eventually came home at 3am and was obviously afraid to see me so stayed downstairs on the sofa. I was so mad. On Sunday I got up and decided to ignore him as he had chosen to ignore me the night before. He asked to talk at 2pm and I completely ignored him. Childish I know but I hardly trust myself to speak or I would have been so mad. I didn’t speak to him for the whole day. I feel like I’m doing so well in my pregnancy, I don’t complain, I do as much as I can but I still need support. Running out the door before I could know about it and staying out until 3am seems really unsupportive and inconsiderate to me- am I being unreasonable? Or crazy? Thank you in advance for your opinion :)

OP posts:

sunflowersandbuttercups · 01/03/2021 12:51

@LApprentiSorcier

Sorry to be boring, but if OP is in the UK her husband shouldn't be going round to his buddy's house at all at the moment.

Can we not have any threads running without someone bringing COVID restrictions into it?

OP could be on the Isle of Man. She could be in any number of other countries. The friend could be a single adult and in their bubble.

COVID restrictions have nothing to do with this thread, so there's no need to bring them up.

LApprentiSorcier · 01/03/2021 12:54

Well, I caveated that this was location specific, but I don't agree it's not relevant. Especially as OP is pregnant, if husband is ignoring lockdown rules he is putting her at risk, so would be being unreasonable from the outset by doing so.

Tubs11 · 01/03/2021 12:56

Sorry OP but you missed a golden opportunity for some glorious me time before the baby arrives, there won't be a lot of that once the baby arrives and ruined his night out. I get that you were disappointed he wasn't there when you got home from work but your response was massively OTT. Suggest apology and a redo of the night out before the baby arrives

sunflowersandbuttercups · 01/03/2021 12:58

@LApprentiSorcier

She was quite happy with him going out, though, so it really is totally irrelevant. I just wish we could have a normal thread without someone shoe-horning COVID into the conversation for no reason.

She's angry because he left before she got home and without telling her, and then because he came home late. She didn't even mention COVID restrictions as being any kind of issue, so why do you assume differently?

HmmmHmmmm · 01/03/2021 12:59

He probably stayed out late drinking because he knew you was in a bad mood with him?

Sleepingdogs12 · 01/03/2021 13:00

This all seems to have spiralled out of control really quickly. How is the rest of your relationship. I would expect a note or something to say if he had gone out earlier than expected but that's about it. Silent treatment is bullying and won't help. You both need to communicate better.

LApprentiSorcier · 01/03/2021 13:01

She was quite happy with him going out, though, so it really is totally irrelevant.

I disagree. If he is ignoring restrictions, it says a lot about the sort of person he is.

Biancadelrioisback · 01/03/2021 13:07

@LApprentiSorcier

She was quite happy with him going out, though, so it really is totally irrelevant.

I disagree. If he is ignoring restrictions, it says a lot about the sort of person he is.

But if she has no problem with him ignoring restrictions doesn't that also show what sort of person she is?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 01/03/2021 13:08

@LApprentiSorcier

She was quite happy with him going out, though, so it really is totally irrelevant.

I disagree. If he is ignoring restrictions, it says a lot about the sort of person he is.

She was happy with him ignoring them too - so surely to you, it says the same thing about her?

TidyDancer · 01/03/2021 13:17

OP, read what you've written back to yourself. You're being utterly ridiculous.

LST · 01/03/2021 13:24

You're messages would have made me stop out later if I am honest. Your being unreasonable unless this happens all the time.

LST · 01/03/2021 13:28

@LApprentiSorcier

Sorry to be boring, but if OP is in the UK her husband shouldn't be going round to his buddy's house at all at the moment.

Really? Bloody hell. Who knew?! Thanks for telling us.

LST · 01/03/2021 13:29

Wow grammar failure. Your and you're that was meant to be!

Disressingtimes · 01/03/2021 13:32

I can see why he didn’t want to come home early tbh given the messages you sent.
May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

KnobblyWand · 01/03/2021 13:37

I'd have left it at the first text.

"You're gone already?"
"Yeah"
"Ok see you later"

But I say that as a not-35-weeks-pregnant woman. It's easy to be rational when you're not growing a human being. When I was pregnant, I didn't talk to my OH for two days once because he forgot to buy me dairylea dunkers when he went to buy himself a drink from the shop. I was absolutely convinced he didn't love nor care for me.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 01/03/2021 13:45

^
Yes definitely.

slashlover · 01/03/2021 15:09

So you arrived home at 5:30 and expected him to walk the dog, have dinner with you and see if you needed anything? Surely it would have been close to 7:30pm before he was able to go out?

HensTeeth44 · 01/03/2021 15:22

I'm sorry but YABU. He asked if you minded him going out, you said yes. It's that simple. If timings were a concern you should have discussed this together at the time. I agree that he shouldn't have said he'd be home early, but otherwise I don't see anything wrong with what he did. Tbh I don't really blame him for not wanting to come home or sleeping on the sofa. He was probably trying to avoid a bollocking.

And as for the passive aggressive silent treatment, really childish.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 01/03/2021 15:30

It doesn't happen very often but ime "not stopping out late" is usually bullshit when it comes to men and drinking with their friends.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/03/2021 15:37

@BrownEyedGirl80

It doesn't happen very often but ime "not stopping out late" is usually bullshit when it comes to men and drinking with their friends.

Or me😂 "I won't be late" 2am return with kebab in hand😂

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