Family members that irk the F**k out of you

[FuckingFabulous]

What would you say to them if you could muster up the balls? Or what DID you say to them, so I can marvel at your shining moment!

We've all got very varied families and the tolerances and limits of what we will and will not put up with are all over the place. On another thread (this is not a TAAT) which featured my auntie Pam(demic), I was surprised at how many people found sheer nasty bastardry acceptable.

And now I'm interested. In my family I have:

Auntie Pam- told her she was a cunt. Deservedly so. I've got nothing to add when it comes to her!

My Dad- would love to tell him that we all know he's a freeloading bastard, he always has been, and he's always looking for someone to rescue him instead of standing on his own two feet. He was a shit father to us and that he is lucky any of us talk to him. And that he's a rubbish grandparent. But I don't, because I think I'm still afraid of the fallout. He really can be nasty.

My mum- I think I'd just like to give her a shake and tell her to give a damn about something that's not all about her for a change. And that buying excessive gifts at birthdays for her grandchildren is no substitute for actually being a present and interested grandparent. But I don't. She'd be "so hurt" to everyone and it would drag on for years. I've seen it with another relative.

Whose behaviour are you merely tolerating?

Nobody.
Nc with dps and ils.
No other relatives.
Life is pretty great!!
Def recommend it!

My not so ‘d’ m who gets incoherently drunk every evening I’m there then gets up at 3am to smoke, leaving open all the doors.

My cousin, who organises family holidays (which I don’t want to go on) then whinges that I need to accompany my mother because she always wants to go back to the hotel earlier than everyone else but can’t manage the keys (!!) so someone needs to go with her. Apparently this should be me, although there are 3 dc under 10 who surely aren’t going to stay up past midnight? Yeah, I’ll just pay £1500 to go somewhere I don’t like to be my mother’s chaperone.

Oh god, not Pam of the "magic key"?

My sister prides her self on telling it like it is and if you cant handle the truth that's tough for you.

Shes constantly offending people with her attitude. What really annoys me is she can give it but she cant take it. Anytime someone calls her out she falls apart.

I bite my tongue most of the time because there really is no talking to her. Shes right about everything and no one can tell her different. But I find myself snapping back more and more lately. I dont want to lose my relationship with her because we do have hood times together but my patience is definitely running short.

*good times mot hood :D

My partner's parents are doing my head in at the moment. He has a brother and two sisters, and they always go on 'family holidays' in summer together. They have done for years. More often than not, DP can't go, as his siblings and parents are in a very different position financially than us.

The holiday they're planning at the moment (for next summer) is to Florida, and they're hiring a villa, which sounds amazing. But, it will cost us almost £7,000 including DSS who will then be 18 but with no way to contribute. That's just such a ridiculous amount of money to us. It's almost a year's wage for DP right now. But apparently we don't care about DSS.

Whereas they could just tone down their 'family holidays' and give us a fighting chance to be able to come. But no.

I would quite like to tell my ddad that it's no good breaking down in tears once a decade about how he's missed out on seeing his grandchildren growing up if he never visits, talks to them or asks about them. Ever.

All of them.

Just wont take the hint that the fact we are related does not mean I actually have any interest in them. It's infuriating.

I stopped contact with one of my SILs. Best thing I ever did. Before I did so I also reminded her of what a bitch she was and how much my children wouldn't miss her in the slightest. (She emotionally abused my DC.) best thing I ever did and she's still not changed years later so confirms I made the right choice.

I'd tell fil to accept that I'm not going to change my surname to dh's and to stop banging on about it.

BIL who tells me where I am going wrong in life despite me being successful and human unemployed freeloader with fuck all. Also his deep and meaningful views on life when he’s never so much as paid a bill or made his own DOctor appointment as lives with his mum who does it all for him - still lives at home in his 50s. I don’t say anything as the fall out would be too damaging and it would only hurt those in the family I care about.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

All of them.

Just wont take the hint that the fact we are related does not mean I actually have any interest in them. It's infuriating.

Well don't you sound lovely.

Sounds like your the kind of family member this thread is about 😂.

For me; My mum who has practically become a hermit since divorcing my dad almost 10 years ago. LIFE JUST DOESN'T FUCKING HAPPEN MOTHER. You have to actually DO THINGS in order to make new friends and meet someone new and move on.

It's like she never grew emotionally beyong the age of about 14 and its infuriating at times. She is at least seeking help from the GP now (pushed by the isolation of wfh and not seeing the GC for so long in lockdown 1) she would rather have been dead than ask for help before.

I was sorry when the Aunty Pam thread filled up, despite some of the bizarre views being posted on it. She was indeed a horror.

My father was an abusive man. He once slammed my head down a door and I ended up with concussion. He also told me I deserved to be raped. When I left home I calmly inventoried every single abusive thing he'd ever done to me and told him I never wanted to see him again. I didn't. I wondered if I'd ever regret this course once he'd died (he didn't live to an old age).

I didn't.

DH's siblings are PA to a tee. They clearly dislike me and are too cowardly to say so, so indulge their ill-feeling in childish ways like passive-aggressive gifts and demonstrative gestures. I don't engage with that sort of immaturity (if I have an issues I'm like OP, I'll generally say so). I've never said anything to them, because IMO confrontations are worth having only when some worthwhile result might be achieved from it. In this case there was none. I don't bother to keep in touch with them, nor does DH, so things drifted organically into NC.

Again, suits me.

FIL is a snide, petty, keeping up with the Joneses prick. He's so rude, yet is always the type to pass it off as "only joking".

He's also the one who keeps telling me I need to provide him with grandkids.

MIL is wonderful, and without fail tells him off every time.

Which is just as well, because the reply I want to give is "Well, be careful what you wish for, because when we have kids were relocating near to my parents 200 miles away. Who would never be so rude as to pressure us about babies."

My sister - you might micro manage your employees, but you get to do that with family.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

I was sorry when the Aunty Pam thread filled up, despite some of the bizarre views being posted on it. She was indeed a horror.

My father was an abusive man. He once slammed my head down a door and I ended up with concussion. He also told me I deserved to be raped. When I left home I calmly inventoried every single abusive thing he'd ever done to me and told him I never wanted to see him again. I didn't. I wondered if I'd ever regret this course once he'd died (he didn't live to an old age).

I didn't.

DH's siblings are PA to a tee. They clearly dislike me and are too cowardly to say so, so indulge their ill-feeling in childish ways like passive-aggressive gifts and demonstrative gestures. I don't engage with that sort of immaturity (if I have an issues I'm like OP, I'll generally say so). I've never said anything to them, because IMO confrontations are worth having only when some worthwhile result might be achieved from it. In this case there was none. I don't bother to keep in touch with them, nor does DH, so things drifted organically into NC.

Again, suits me.

Your father sounds like he was also quite the horror. I'm sorry that you experienced him in that role. My dad is also pretty awful if I'm honest.

I'd love to tell my Mum that it won't kill her to give me a genuine compliment - and that yes, her and Dad moving to a house 320 miles away which my disabled daughter can't get into with her wheelchair was the catalyst to our relationship being so distant!

... but like the poster above she would be "so hurt" and would spent the rest of her days complaining to all and sundry what a terrible daughter I am.... although she does that anyway...

BIL2 - you're a racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foul mouthed twat and nobody likes you. Even your parents think you're a dick.

Hold up, I need to know about you calling that Horror a cunt. Please regale me with all the details!!

I'd tell my MIL she's a very selfish person, and the only reason I do anything for her ungrateful miserly self is because I love her son. I'd like her to know that I really don't like her, but I continue to make an effort with her, as long as it makes him happy. Ugh she's not a very nice person. Very selfish, quite vindictive, spiteful and jealous and ungrateful.

My own dad, I'd point out that he seems to think he knows what everyone should do in every situation and how people are always terrible for not doing things his way, but his ways don't reflect any high moral standing. He didn't bring me up, yes his alcoholism was part of that. No I don't need to hear you'd have never returned from abroad if you hadn't have found yourself disabled, and stop fucking telling me you didn't pay child support because it would make my mums life easier. If that was the case you'd have saved the money you'd have paid in child support for me when I was older. You didn't. You've never done anything for me, so please stop expecting that ill run around after you all the time.

I'd like to tell my mum the truth next time she asks why I've always had such low self esteem, that it probably has a lot to do with her leaving my dad for a man who liked to smack me around the head a lot and leave me alone in the car for hours on end while he "ran errands" and that when his abuse of me was brought up by my grandparents she cut THEM out of my life and not HIM. That I spent my childhood hearing their constant little jokes about how stupid/unathletic/over-sensitive etc I am. There would be no point though, she has a very selective memory and never reacts well to any kind of criticism. She and her husband kind be a right pair of know-it-all's too, both of my children have been referred to be assessed for behavioural issues and they've had plenty to say about that, especially concerning my daughter who "has nothing wrong with her, she's absolutely perfect" so I wonder how they will react when I tell them she has just been diagnosed with Mosaic Turner Syndrome. I expect they'll know better than the Paediatrican and will kick up a fuss about the possibility of DD needing growth hormone injections.

@trappedsincesundaymorn

My sister - you might micro manage your employees, but you get to do that with family.

On a similar note to my sister - you are a primary school teacher.

That does not make you the boss of every competent adult around you, nor are your standards of behaviour the only ones.

Oh, and you were a royal twat to our mum, sulking about not seeing your boyfriend on Christmas Day when she was trying to make the best of it after her best friend of sixty years died on Christmas Eve.

My Sil and how my brother has put up with her for 50 odd years I don't know.
She is hard work.

I've never held my tongue with family & have been punished accordingly 🤣. Were not English though so there's less passive aggressiveness & putting on a front.

My aunt is the worst, so selfish, spoilt & blinkered & Ive told her that.

Parents are ok but when they start lecturing me on parenting I tend to take the bait.