Family members that irk the F**k out of you

[FuckingFabulous]

What would you say to them if you could muster up the balls? Or what DID you say to them, so I can marvel at your shining moment!

We've all got very varied families and the tolerances and limits of what we will and will not put up with are all over the place. On another thread (this is not a TAAT) which featured my auntie Pam(demic), I was surprised at how many people found sheer nasty bastardry acceptable.

And now I'm interested. In my family I have:

Auntie Pam- told her she was a cunt. Deservedly so. I've got nothing to add when it comes to her!

My Dad- would love to tell him that we all know he's a freeloading bastard, he always has been, and he's always looking for someone to rescue him instead of standing on his own two feet. He was a shit father to us and that he is lucky any of us talk to him. And that he's a rubbish grandparent. But I don't, because I think I'm still afraid of the fallout. He really can be nasty.

My mum- I think I'd just like to give her a shake and tell her to give a damn about something that's not all about her for a change. And that buying excessive gifts at birthdays for her grandchildren is no substitute for actually being a present and interested grandparent. But I don't. She'd be "so hurt" to everyone and it would drag on for years. I've seen it with another relative.

Whose behaviour are you merely tolerating?

I'd say to my SILs: Let's all just be honest and admit that we have nothing in common and do not enjoy spending time together. We can just see each other at family gatherings and be polite

My sister, but same sentiment. Let's just be polite. I don't like you, I don't like your behaviour towards me. And I am sure you feel the same. I have had enough. I stopped engaging, and that helps a bit. In the same room, you haven't a word to say. Long distance between us and I'm getting messages because you are a controlling bitch worried and hoping I'm okay.
I don't say very much because I know how you would react, running around to other family members with your victim story. You are a cold and nasty bitch who would step on anyone's head to get what you want.
You pick pick pick at people for information so that you can twist it to your narrative. I'm done.

I'd love to point out to my mother that our relationship is as poor as it is due to her pandering of my sibling the last 20 years. I don't tell mum things because it's none of the Bitch's business, and I don't agree she has to know. And I can never get back the week I had to show off my baby mid-pandemic, which turned into a week long episode of the Bitch Show because she'd be jealoys otherwise. There's a heck of a lot more but since she never listens why bother?

To the Bitch - I'm going NC as soon as I can. And as for seeing my daughter, forget it. I'm protecting her from you.

For me it's one of my siblings who happens to be a teacher and speaks to the rest of the family like we're pupils in their classroom. I had enough, after years and years of it, called them out on it and now we only see each other at family events (so we haven't seen each other in person for over a year now).
It is a bit sad as there are my kids and theirs and they really don't know each other that well as a result. Neither set of kids seems terribly upset by it but there you have it.

My sister. She has always surrounded herself with people who make her look good. Her DH is nice enough and dotes on my dad but she is much brighter than him and makes sure he knows it. NotsoDSis tells everyone she's a daddy's girl. Fine, but my DF has been living with me for the last year, not her. She is a gobshite opinionated twat. She told us all that Covid is a hoax, her mate who is a "nurse in London" told her in December that the hospitals are empty and she subscribes to the Covid-denying bollocks, telling DF not to get the vaccine. She is also a flat-earther, conspiracy-theory moron and I fucking hate her. She is angry because my young adult DDs think she is a twat too. She thinks I have turned them against her. No DSis, your bullshit did it for you.

I also have a cousin who is similarly inclined. She is obsessed that microwave ovens are the work of the devil. My DH and DDs have explained the electro-magnetic spectrum to me so I know she is talking crap. I have tried to explain to her that microwaves are not dissimilar to mobile phone ones and all the "therapy work" she does is booked via a mobile phone so she's actually a hypocrite but I might as well talk to the wall. Her mother, my aunt is deeply pissed off and jealous as fuck because my cousin is the oldest of our generation, so my aunt thought she'd be the first grandparent. That proved not to be the case and she was really jealous. My own mum didn't live long enough to meet the DDs so a female on my side of the family would have been lovely. Actually, my uncle's wife has done that role brilliantly. She's kind, supportive and funny and we all adore her.

Yes, we get it, you called your aunt a cunt weeks ago, does this really need another thread?

I wouldn't and don't say anything. I can't change them. I ignore mostly and only interact on my terms. Being angry about how other people are all the time is way too stressful. Just leave them to get on with it and live your life as you wish. If that means going no or low contact then so be it. Or you can just smile, nod, change the subject or ignore.

I've never fallen out with anyone particularly because I just don't care enough about what they might think of me. The only thing that matters is that I am happy with me.

I assume you are perfect then OP?

SIL, when you are a parent to more than a cat, you can advise us about how we should be supporting our DD.
When you stop bleating about your health and look around you, you could possibly use one of your 3 degrees including the 2 from Oxford that you humblebrag about to get a job.
I haven’t seen you for 4 years and, I don’t stop your brother coming to see you, he chooses not to.

@Mydogisagentleman

SIL, when you are a parent to more than a cat, you can advise us about how we should be supporting our DD. When you stop bleating about your health and look around you, you could possibly use one of your 3 degrees including the 2 from Oxford that you humblebrag about to get a job. I haven’t seen you for 4 years and, I don’t stop your brother coming to see you, he chooses not to.

You sound really, really nasty.

@perisoire

Yes, we get it, you called your aunt a cunt weeks ago, does this really need another thread?

So don't read the thread then. It's not compulsory you know.

To my father - I know Im not good enough, I know Im not as pretty, clever or interesting as my half sister. I know Im not the first born son of yours but sometimes I would like to be interesting enough to have some of your time.

SIL and BIL - You have two daughters, why is the youngest one not wanted and although she has a girlfriend who is, by the way, a fabulous and fun individual they are bith worth some of your time.

MIL - Whichever planet you live on looks like fun - can I come visit?

Eldest Niece - stop being a bitch to everyone around you. You will need us before we need you so give your head a wobble and grow up, you are 27 and married NOT 12 and stroppy.

I am a believer in telling people stuff if you can so that it does not fester. If you can do it in a non angry way. Some examples - told my mother she could not ask me to sort out problems for her then complain I was 'too bossy' and that it hurt my feelings to be set up like that.

My dad that he could not just blast me whenever he was feeling stressed.

My sister that her behaviour when our mother was dying was disgusting, that she had been incredibly selfish and self centred and made a horrible situation even worse by refusing to help, and going missing when the rest of us were on our knees trying to cope. Mind you, she had already told me she was sick of me 'coming in and organizing everything'. I told her I was sick of it too, and needed her to take up some of the slack.

FIL your DGC have one living grandparent ,you! yet you are not interested in getting to know them or spending time with them. yes you have 'done your time' with young children , but twice a year you see them for half an hour or so and we only live 10 miles apart.

I'm NC with my entire family (both parents, 6 sisters and all relatives) after a non-scandalous scandal. They pushed me away but still send me cards on the wrong date for my birthday and Christmas.

DH's family are lovely, but BIL's girlfriend is a cow and when she first met their parents she asked if she could be included in their will. She also calls me a golddigger when she's the one who threw a tantrum when BIL bought her the wrong range rover.

DH's aunt is a loony religious lady who, while using our loo at a family gathering, snuck into our bedroom, ransacked my underwear drawer and a box in our wardrobe and left a note on our bed saying we were sinners and beyond help and that our only option was to die.

The relatives who moved too far away from their parents to be able to provide any practical support and rely on their siblings to provide it. They are always the first (and sometimes the only) siblings to post on social media for mother's day, father's day etc.