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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm never going to look good again?

76 replies

stilltiredinthemorning · 27/02/2021 16:43

I'm 43 in a couple of months. I've never been beautiful, but have always looked quite young for my age, had nice skin, decent haircuts and a good sense of style. In the last couple of years I barely recognise myself. I've gained a lot of weight (and was always a bit chubby) and my face just looks AWFUL. It's hard to describe but it's sort of puffy and saggy and everything points downwards making me look pissed off. None of my nice clothes fit me anymore, no amount of make up helps, even my hands look horrible! I feel like it's happened so suddenly...

I've tried losing weight but even when quite strict I don't seem to shift a single pound (and I need to lose at least 2 stone to make a proper difference).

So, I'm wondering, is, that it now? Should I just give up because I'm kind of realising that things are only going to get worse! I never thought I'd age so badly, but I guess some people do. All my friends still seem to be looking pretty good and all of a sudden I feel like a fat middle aged women (which I am I guess!). All the sorts of clothes I used to wear and haircuts, jewellery etc. somehow just look 'wacky' now. I have no idea what to wear, how to do my make-up or my hair or anything - complete identity crisis!!!

OP posts:

user143677433 · 27/02/2021 16:55

I had the same at 42 - eventually went to the Dr for something unrelated and she twigged that I had had early menopause. Onto the HRT and now I’m late 40s and look awesome (even if I do say so myself!)

Anyway, while I’m not saying it’s the same for you, or even necessarily something medical, I would say it can be quite temporary and not a big downhill slide to frumpdom.

Subeccoo · 27/02/2021 16:57

Hi there.
I don't have the answer, I'm 41 and feeling the same. However this is what I'm doing...
I can lose weight quite easily so I'm doing 5 joe wicks plus 3 runs a week which helps my mental health which in turn makes me feel better about myself. I'm also being very good with my eating. Not giving up wine which would prob help!!
I've invested in some skin creams and I'm religious about moisturing and sun cream.
I drink a lot of water and get loads of sleep and slowly I'm beginning to see me again.
I'm over 11st at 5ft4 which makes me a size 14, I'll feel better at a 10/12 like I was a few years ago.
Clothes wise, I still dress quite casual in terms of jeans and tshirts but just make sure they fit well.
You can do it, just need to commit to change!

Original poster

stilltiredinthemorning · 27/02/2021 16:58

I did wonder about early/perimenopause and I have some other symptoms such as reduced cognitive skills, insomnia and heart palpitations but my periods are still pretty regular so my GP said there was no point in a blood test.

OP posts:

SpringisSpinning · 27/02/2021 16:59

never give up op, i am near you age also and cant give up I wont!! it would make such a difference to older age to shift the weight.

Blackberrybunnet · 27/02/2021 16:59

You're going to have to face facts. You will never look as good again as you did last year. However, you can make the best of what you've got ....

Original poster

stilltiredinthemorning · 27/02/2021 17:01

Subeccoo I've got a 3 year old and a 5 year old, so not much chance of loads of sleep unfortunately! I always used to gain, but also lose weight quite easily but now don't seem to lose any weight at all, even when I'm super strict..

I definitely don't drink enough water though...

OP posts:

orchidsonabudget · 27/02/2021 17:03

Op
I feel you.
I desp need a haircut but I have been dying with Josh wood colour which is pretty good
I have also (very) recently undertaken the fast 800 which is working well
I think I could do with more water
To drink and better sleep to look less saggy so I am working on those too

Original poster

stilltiredinthemorning · 27/02/2021 17:06

Blackberrybunnet I think that's the thing... I've had loads of times in the past where I've got through a bad patch looks wise, but I've always been able to lose a bit of weight, get a few new outfits and a new haircut and look much better. It's the realisation that whatever I do it's just going to get worse and worse (and, quite suddenly, it's already pretty bad!)

I'm actually embarrassed to think about lockdown ending and meeting up with old friends because I feel like it'll be a shock!

OP posts:

TangerineGreen · 27/02/2021 17:12

Hey OP, I think that more is possible than you are considering... could you focus on your weight for a bit? then you’ll start to feel better in your nice clothes. Losing a bit of weight can make a big change, particularly around the face, so I wouldn’t think all is lost at all. Maybe your skin needs different care now, different routine maybe but you can still be glowing at any age. Please don’t give up, have a look at your diet, move your body a bit more, change is still possible at any age, i still feel 43 is quite young!

Loopyloututu2 · 27/02/2021 17:16

I feel similar OP (I’m 40) - I actually think this year has been a big strain on a lot of people and caused accelerated ageing! There’s not been much to smile about!
I’m currently doing 1200 calories a day (with a bit of a cheat day on a Friday) combined with 16:8 fasting (I find im so much better at not mindlessly snacking when I don’t eat until,lunchtime) also drinking loads of water and getting out for at least a 40min walk each day.
I’ve just started using the Hada Labo range of skincare (which you can buy at Superdrug) which is highly recommended on the style and beauty boards along with spf 30 and vitamin c oil at night.
I don’t drink much alcohol anyway but I find drinking booze makes your skin look terrible.
I’m feeling pretty good - so much better than I did in December/January and I can already see a difference in my face. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet! Also, when lockdown ends I’m considering trying a small amount on Botox in my jowly area to see if it makes a difference.

ringringdia · 27/02/2021 17:20

Following. Lockdown has taken its toll!

pinkearedcow · 27/02/2021 17:41

43 is young, I bet you don't look bad at all. My big tip is look after your teeth and gums.

RuLu · 27/02/2021 17:41

I felt like this 2 months ago & had done for months to be honest. I started walking a bit which I struggled with as was so unfit. I began eating healthily & cut out booze completely. It's been a pretty boring two months & I'm 12lbs down (in my 30s I would have lost way more in that time) but I'm feeling better, look less swollen & puffy and am starting to feel (slightly) more motivated as my clothes are starting to fit again. I'm keeping going because we're not out of this crappy time yet & I may as well focus on something that'll help me. I spent months prior to this wallowing & I needed to do something to snap myself out of it. I've even done a couple of short & slow jogs. I wouldn't say I enjoyed them but I do want to eat cake & drink wine again one day so am going to try & build it up!

pinkearedcow · 27/02/2021 17:43

Have you had your thyroid function tested, OP? Thyroid issues are so common, but often are missed.

DemolitionBarbie · 27/02/2021 17:43

Meh, imagine yourself at 80 looking at a picture of yourself now. Or look at a picture of yourself as a glowing teen and remember how you felt about yourself then.

I'd prioritise health over appearance. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow.

MarshaBradyo · 27/02/2021 17:44

I’m 47 and it does get harder to lose weight

I’m just pretty blunt with self now. If I want to maintain or lose it’s low carb and running.

I think lose the weight and you’ll feel better. To a 47 year old 43 is young 😬

Actually I might be 46 need to work it out

RhymesWithOrange · 27/02/2021 18:29

@stilltiredinthemorning

I definitely don't drink enough water though...

Sleep is the key! Prioritise sleep above everything and you will improve. I remember looking at myself in the mirror when my kid was small and I looked totally grey.

Get great sleep habits. Leave your phone downstairs. Go to bed really early. Everything else will seem easier if you get enough sleep.

temproasted · 27/02/2021 18:34

@MarshaBradyo

I’m 47 and it does get harder to lose weight

I’m just pretty blunt with self now. If I want to maintain or lose it’s low carb and running.

I think lose the weight and you’ll feel better. To a 47 year old 43 is young 😬

Actually I might be 46 need to work it out

Yep same here. Also 47 but often have to think about it as I do get my age muddled!

I'm fitter than I've been in my whole life but mainly due to consistent exercise every day as I started home workouts. I still eat too much though.

I've noticed my face starting to drop a bit but I still look ok.

I think switch your focus to health rather than looks is the way to go

MarshaBradyo · 27/02/2021 18:53

I just googled how old am I, I’m 46 after all!

I put on weight first just above hips, so muffin top. If I get this under control and ok the rest is slim enough generally.

HugeAckmansWife · 27/02/2021 19:04

Christ what a depressing thread 'you will never look as good as you used to'. 😞 Why does 'good' have to ='young'? You might look different, more rounded, more character lines but bloody hell, why does that mean worse.. Unless you're trying to compete in some way with 20 year olds? OP I'm 45, with two kids. About 3 St more than I should be but I dress well, take care etc. The 6th formers I teach are all tiny, glowing, fresh faced etc and I'm sure are gorgeous to their peers but I'm buggered if I'm going to spend all my working day feeling depressed I'm not 18 again. My peers find me attractive, had no trouble OLD and I enjoy reflecting the life I've had / lived. Absolutely make te best if whatever you've got but please don't think it's alqas going to come up short of some bollocks 'ideal'.

Original poster

stilltiredinthemorning · 27/02/2021 19:37

HugeAckmansWife I have no problem with looking/growing older. I see women older than me who look fabulous every day. It's not that I look old, it's that I look awful. Will my husband still love me? Yes. Will my friends still want to hang out with me? Yes. It's just that I can't get used the 'new me' and though I've been pretty good at making the best of myself in the past, I've no idea what the Hell to do with this stranger I see in the mirror. As it happens I don't actually have any grey hair and I'm not particularly wrinkly. It's hard to explain, but my whole face has just kind of dropped and is all bloated and puffy. I'm finding it tough to come to terms with the fact that this is just what I look like now and it's probably not going to get any better.

OP posts:

Somethingsnappy · 27/02/2021 21:10

@HugeAckmansWife

What a great post!

HugeAckmansWife · 27/02/2021 21:12

My comment wasn't so much aimed at you op, but at the responses which seemed to just assume that older means inevitably worse. Loads of people look far better in middle age than they did younger due to many factors, learning what suits you, having money to dress well, get hair done, more time in some instance and overall just being more confident as an individual. I sure you will find ways to work on whatever is worrying you and if your DH does love you less, that's on him, not you.

malificent7 · 27/02/2021 21:23

I got a bit of botox last year for the 1st time...its fab...would u consider it?

grassisjeweled · 27/02/2021 21:25

Sleep, water, low carb.

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