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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman behaved like a snotty cow and there was no need for this?

107 replies

Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 16:21

This has really annoyed me and I thought I’d canvas some opinions.

Just been out in my car, mainly to keep it ticking over so the battery doesn’t go flat, which tends to happen now I’m wfh. Part of my route took me along narrow country roads - no footpath or even a verge in places.

So I’m approaching a hump-backed bridge, with one car in front of me. Couple coming towards me on foot, pushing a double buggy. I thought to myself, surely that’s a little risky on narrow/pavement-less roads like this (being as there are always people around who drive like arseholes), but didn’t make eye contact with them or take any further notice of them. One car in front of me, starting to swing clear of the couple with the buggy, I started to do the same. So far, no problem.

Then a car appeared coming over the h-b bridge in the opposite direction forcing traffic going my way to start reversing. At which point I sighed and muttered something to myself, not because anyone was doing anything wrong but because I’d already had a few tricky ‘passing’ scenarios on the same journey, and I was beginning to regret taking a ‘rural’ route so to speak.

Again, no attention paid to the couple, who were passing my car by now, I wasn’t sighing or muttering at them, I was just frustrated in general.

Then the car in front of me started reversing rather too quickly, to the point where I had to sound my horn in warning as there was a real chance they’d hit me before I had chance to start reversing myself.

The reversing car stopped and I looked over my shoulder before starting to reverse.

At which point I became aware that Buggy Lady had turned around and was staring in the direction of my car and gesticulating with an angry look on her face, clearly assuming I’d sounded my horn at her. Didn’t engage in any way, but as I was waiting for the car coming the other way to pass, I could see through my rear-view mirror as she eventually turned back the way she was going, walking very huffily from what I could tell (her ponytail was swinging like mad, if that doesn’t sound too odd Grin ) for a few steps, then turned back around again and made one of those ‘arms in the air’ gestures, again with a really snotty look on her face.

I mean, WTF?! I can't imagine why she'd have done that other than because she assumed I was sounding my horn at her. And if she did, then she was COMPLETELY BLOODY WRONG - defensive much??!

So:

  1. AIBU to think it wasn’t the safest place to be pushing a double buggy in the first place, and that they’d have been better taking their walk somewhere there was a pavement or at least a verge?
and:
  1. AIBU to think she behaved like an OTT arsehole with all the looking and the gestures and the conclusion-jumping when I wasn’t even concerning myself with her but with the actual traffic on the actual road???

No vote as it’s a double AIBU, so to speak.

OP posts:
MissMoan · 27/02/2021 18:58

@justletmeadoreyou LOL!

wishingitwasfriday · 27/02/2021 19:02

@Lludmilla

You’re very snappy OP.

A lot of constructive remarks have been made on here, and that's fine - I can take criticism - but some offensive and incorrect assumptions have been made on here as well, and yes, that does make me feel irritated.

But, by your own admission, you have made assumptions about this woman and called her a snotty cow. Move on, it's really a non event.
phoenixrosehere · 27/02/2021 19:09

Calling any female a ‘cow’ instantly makes you the lesser person in the discussion. The language we choose to use, and in particular the insults we choose to use, speak volumes about the sort of values we hold.

This. Nothing she did was worth you calling her a snotty cow or an OTT arsehole.

Universallyhappy · 27/02/2021 19:11

I think yabu purely because you are even thinking about this still.

Original poster
Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 19:15

You have been really snappy on this thread- and quite rude.

I actually don't accept that my replies have been rude. Most have been brief and factual. Some have been terse, and some have been sarcastic. No more so than what's been levelled at me, though.

If you don't want a difficult drive, don't drive in country lanes. She can walk where she likes, you can drive where you like, but if you're going to get this worked up about it, I suggest you find another route.

Did you read my replies? I was diverted. The road I'd been intending to travel on was closed.

I don't agree with those who are saying I should have made eye contact, btw, because I needed to keep my eye on the car in front of me. The walkers were in my peripheral vision and I was in the process of moving aside to give them more room. They'd have been perfectly clear I was moving out of their way.

The ponytail comment was an attempt at levity, so if people want to find it funny that's just peachy by me.

Oh, and your opening comments were all about the roads having no pavements. Did they suddenly build some between your first and last post?

Show me where in my replies I mentioned a pavement. I said they were walking on a footpath, which led up from the car park they'd parked in on to the road, where there were no pavements.

And another thing; you should not be making any unnecessary journeys. Yours was - a bit like Dominic Cumming’s excuse as to why he needed to drive to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight.

Frankly your journey was non essential under lockdown guidance, so you shouldn’t have been on the road regardless. It all boils down to you being in the wrong. You wouldn’t have come across any of these people had you not been making a pointless journey.

Yes and no. The car is needed for an essential journey tomorrow for my mum (I'm her carer and she doesn't drive), which is covered under the 'compassionate' section of current guidelines. Today, though technically a non-essential journey, was made in an attempt to ensure the car will be running tomorrow when it is imperative that it should be. I acknowledge I didn't give the full picture initially (it's because the nature of the trip is somewhat emotive) so I get where people are coming from with these remarks, but I hope this clarifies.

Just learn to drive better and more patiently so you can anticipate potential problems and not get into a position where you’re approaching a hump-backed bridge on the wrong side of the road and need to reverse.

There's a misunderstanding here. It was a single-track road, there's no right or wrong side. The car in front had pulled over to the left, not yet able to see the car coming over the bridge, to make room for the pedestrians. I had done the same.

OK now about the names I called her on here. I've taken on board what some people have said to me here - no, it wasn't clever - but if we're saying it's not OK to call someone a snotty cow, I trust those who have said so don't reply to other people's posts on here saying things like 'you sound unhinged OP', or 'LTB', or calling people's partners 'manchild' or 'cocklodger' etc etc? Because that's all name-calling too. Just saying.

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 27/02/2021 19:19

I trust those who have said so don't reply to other people's posts on here saying things like 'you sound unhinged OP', or 'LTB', or calling people's partners 'manchild' or 'cocklodger' etc etc? Because that's all name-calling too. Just saying.

I don’t. Smile

BottleFlipper · 27/02/2021 19:28

@Lludmilla

You have been really snappy on this thread- and quite rude.

I actually don't accept that my replies have been rude. Most have been brief and factual. Some have been terse, and some have been sarcastic. No more so than what's been levelled at me, though.

If you don't want a difficult drive, don't drive in country lanes. She can walk where she likes, you can drive where you like, but if you're going to get this worked up about it, I suggest you find another route.

Did you read my replies? I was diverted. The road I'd been intending to travel on was closed.

I don't agree with those who are saying I should have made eye contact, btw, because I needed to keep my eye on the car in front of me. The walkers were in my peripheral vision and I was in the process of moving aside to give them more room. They'd have been perfectly clear I was moving out of their way.

The ponytail comment was an attempt at levity, so if people want to find it funny that's just peachy by me.

Oh, and your opening comments were all about the roads having no pavements. Did they suddenly build some between your first and last post?

Show me where in my replies I mentioned a pavement. I said they were walking on a footpath, which led up from the car park they'd parked in on to the road, where there were no pavements.

And another thing; you should not be making any unnecessary journeys. Yours was - a bit like Dominic Cumming’s excuse as to why he needed to drive to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight.

Frankly your journey was non essential under lockdown guidance, so you shouldn’t have been on the road regardless. It all boils down to you being in the wrong. You wouldn’t have come across any of these people had you not been making a pointless journey.

Yes and no. The car is needed for an essential journey tomorrow for my mum (I'm her carer and she doesn't drive), which is covered under the 'compassionate' section of current guidelines. Today, though technically a non-essential journey, was made in an attempt to ensure the car will be running tomorrow when it is imperative that it should be. I acknowledge I didn't give the full picture initially (it's because the nature of the trip is somewhat emotive) so I get where people are coming from with these remarks, but I hope this clarifies.

Just learn to drive better and more patiently so you can anticipate potential problems and not get into a position where you’re approaching a hump-backed bridge on the wrong side of the road and need to reverse.

There's a misunderstanding here. It was a single-track road, there's no right or wrong side. The car in front had pulled over to the left, not yet able to see the car coming over the bridge, to make room for the pedestrians. I had done the same.

OK now about the names I called her on here. I've taken on board what some people have said to me here - no, it wasn't clever - but if we're saying it's not OK to call someone a snotty cow, I trust those who have said so don't reply to other people's posts on here saying things like 'you sound unhinged OP', or 'LTB', or calling people's partners 'manchild' or 'cocklodger' etc etc? Because that's all name-calling too. Just saying.

So why post then?
Original poster
Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 19:31

So why post then?

Not clear why you ask. I wondered what other people thought of the woman's behaviour. They told me.

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 27/02/2021 19:35

I’d already had a few tricky ‘passing’ scenarios on the same journey, and I was beginning to regret taking a ‘rural’ route so to speak.
..... so you were diverted there now were you?

Sapho47 · 27/02/2021 19:37

If your battery is regularly running low it might be on its way out.

Otherwise if its just the lots of short low speed journeys an optimate is a good idea you can run a plug to just behind your front grill from the battery terminals so you don't need to faff about with the bonnet to charge.

Original poster
Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 19:37

@Bahhhhhumbug

*I’d already had a few tricky ‘passing’ scenarios on the same journey, and I was beginning to regret taking a ‘rural’ route so to speak.* ..... so you were diverted there now were you?
sigh

Once diverted, I had the choice of continuing on the rural roads to get home more quickly or doing a massive loop that would put me on to better roads but take me longer to get home.

Was there anything else?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 19:40

@Sapho47

If your battery is regularly running low it might be on its way out.

Otherwise if its just the lots of short low speed journeys an optimate is a good idea you can run a plug to just behind your front grill from the battery terminals so you don't need to faff about with the bonnet to charge.

Thanks @Sapho47 Smile - yeah, we wondered about doing that. Battery is newish but it's been a problem car all along, so we'll probably be getting shut of it once lockdown's over.
OP posts:
ktp100 · 27/02/2021 19:54

I mean, annoying BUT I'd struggle to give much of a shit, in honesty.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/02/2021 19:59

@Livelovebehappy

Totally bonkers pushing a double buggy on a road with no obvious path.
As so many others have said, rural dwellers have little choice
Pulledamonica · 27/02/2021 20:09

@hammersrock

Your horn probably scared the crap out of her children
Yes, you selfish prick, you should have let that car reverse into you 🙄
sneakypetesgrandmaisace · 27/02/2021 20:12

@Pulledamonica

@hammersrock was just stating why the woman was (probably) annoyed. She didn't say that the OP shouldn't have beeped! No need for the eye roll at all

NiceGerbil · 27/02/2021 20:13

If I was going along a road with no pavements and saw ahead of me

Double buggy coming towards me
Car in front
Narrow bridge

I would have hung right back until the buggy was out the way.

Why did you go up close to the car behind? When it's room for one car and the buggy was around?

Don't you think about this stuff?

If she lives there then that's what the road is.

YABVVVU

NiceGerbil · 27/02/2021 20:15

'The car in front had pulled over to the left, not yet able to see the car coming over the bridge, to make room for the pedestrians. I had done the same.'

If they were walking towards you would pulling in to the left block the buggys path?

You need to do a diagram.

hammersrock · 27/02/2021 20:19

[quote sneakypetesgrandmaisace]@Pulledamonica

@hammersrock was just stating why the woman was (probably) annoyed. She didn't say that the OP shouldn't have beeped! No need for the eye roll at all[/quote]
Exactly that! Some people lack common sense.

Original poster
Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 20:22

Why did you go up close to the car behind? When it's room for one car and the buggy was around?

I wasn't close at all. I stopped at a good distance between myself and the car in front (with the pedestrians well out of the way as they'd stayed close to the side of the road), until the car in front began to reverse towards me. The driver of that car reversed so fast that it was necessary to sound my horn before going into reverse myself as he might have hit me otherwise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lludmilla · 27/02/2021 20:23

If she lives there then that's what the road is.

RTFT.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/02/2021 09:45

Show me where in my replies I mentioned a pavement. I said they were walking on a footpath, which led up from the car park they'd parked in on to the road, where there were no pavements

You use the word ‘pavement’ at least twice.
So I’m approaching a hump-backed bridge, with one car in front of me. Couple coming towards me on foot, pushing a double buggy. I thought to myself, surely that’s a little risky on narrow/pavement-less roads like this (being as there are always people around who drive like arseholes), but didn’t make eye contact with them or take any further notice of them. One car in front of me, starting to swing clear of the couple with the buggy

This indicates that the couple were already on the road, as why else would the car in front - and your car - need to move over to avoid them?

Newcastleteacake · 28/02/2021 09:55

The irony here is that there's probably a thread with a mum that pushes a double buggy complaining about a snotty cow in a car beeping her horn.

Seems this was just a giant misunderstanding. Neither of you know what happened in the other person's shoes nor do either of you know what's going on in each others lives.

Expectingsomethingwonderful · 28/02/2021 10:27

You are unreasonable:

  1. What don't you understand about STAY AT HOME
  2. Your horn probably scared the baby
  3. Don't drive on narrow rural roads if you don't need to
  4. It is to be expected that rural roads are full of walkers, cyclists and horses
Original poster
Lludmilla · 28/02/2021 11:52

You use the word ‘pavement’ at least twice.

Yes, to refer to the ABSENCE of one, FFS!

OP posts: