My sister and Facebook [Titled edited by MNHQ]

[thecheekofitagain]

My sister is driving me mad and I can't understand why her behaviour makes me so angry. I know it doesn't affect me and I try to ignore but grrrrrrrr
She loves FB and posts several times a day about EVERYTHING. Most of it I can ignore but Funerals and anniversary's of people passing are just wrong. I think it's so distasteful and now she has used a photo of me with the person who passed and I'm livid.
I'm not sure there is a solution but I would be interested in why this makes me so angry.

@LouJ85 I would wait for the OP to clarify her feelings as opposed to assuming. If the funerals & photo were not the main part why mention them then?

@thecheekofitagain

My post is hardly sharing details of my likes. Oh and I was trying to understand why it makes me angry. I don't need anyone's validation thanks

It makes you so angry because you continue to expose yourself to it. Hide it - problem solved.

Does the OP not have a right to be annoyed at the fact a photo of her was used? Why should she ignore that?

Everything we do with regard to other people is an attempt at external validation, including this post I'm writing now, everybody's FB profile, all the posts on MN, every time we meet a friend for a chat, family relationships, having sex, everything. We are societal creatures, and we all need to feel a part of something, and to feel accepted by others.

The problems come when people differ in the level of their need for this. Many find seeking external validation via posting about a funeral distasteful, but many don't. Many find posting pictures of your dinner a bit too much, but many don't.

OP and her sister have different levels of acceptance of this level of validation need. There is nothing that can be done about that. Sometimes the behaviour of somebody we love can seem unsuitable. That's just life.

There is a line though, with regard to posting a picture of somebody else, who doesn't want it posted. The line is there because there are rules about that sort of thing. Which is why appealing to a higher authority is an option here, if the individual insists on disrespect.

@Eckhart

Everything we do with regard to other people is an attempt at external validation, including this post I'm writing now, everybody's FB profile, all the posts on MN, every time we meet a friend for a chat, family relationships, having sex, everything. We are societal creatures, and we all need to feel a part of something, and to feel accepted by others.

The problems come when people differ in the level of their need for this. Many find seeking external validation via posting about a funeral distasteful, but many don't. Many find posting pictures of your dinner a bit too much, but many don't.

OP and her sister have different levels of acceptance of this level of validation need. There is nothing that can be done about that. Sometimes the behaviour of somebody we love can seem unsuitable. That's just life.

There is a line though, with regard to posting a picture of somebody else, who doesn't want it posted. The line is there because there are rules about that sort of thing. Which is why appealing to a higher authority is an option here, if the individual insists on disrespect.

Agree entirely.

It is pure attention seeking. It is like the people who check in at a&e to get all those "are you alright huh" posts. Tell her not to post anything of or about you and family. Hide her posts. It is upsetting as it is disrespectful.

@lolulop

Does the OP not have a right to be annoyed at the fact a photo of her was used? Why should she ignore that?

Where have I said "OP has no right to be annoyed about the photo"?

I literally haven't even commented on the photo.

I was making a broader point.

But the photo is relevant because that's annoyed the OP. Your broader point of ignore doesn't help with the photo. What should she do about the photo?

It's a bit odd to completely ignore that point & make a broader point but hey we all like the validation! 😜

I think it’s crass to check in on fb that you’re at a funeral however, marking the anniversary of someone’s death on Facebook is no different to the memoriam section in the local paper really. However if it bothers you unfollow your sister’s posts on fb. I’ve done that a couple of times with people who quite frankly get on my tits but who I don’t want to unfriend.

Is your sister generally attention seeking? I have a relative who is and it’s got to a point that everything she does pisses me off. Maybe it’s got to that point with you?

@lolulop

But the photo is relevant because that's annoyed the OP. Your broader point of ignore doesn't help with the photo. What should she do about the photo?

Report it to FB I would guess 🤷‍♀️

@lolulop

It's a bit odd to completely ignore that point & make a broader point but hey we all like the validation! 😜

Not when you've seen multiple threads whinging about FB it's not

My point stands.

There you go, some helpful advice!

However if it bothers you unfollow your sister’s posts on fb. I’ve done that a couple of times with people who quite frankly get on my tits but who I don’t want to unfriend.

Yup. Me too.

"unfollow" her. You will still show on her friend's list but you won't see her posts unless you choose to go to her page. I have done this to my proTrump mother who lives in the US as I found myself getting too wound up by her nonsense posting!

@lolulop

Does the OP not have a right to be annoyed at the fact a photo of her was used? Why should she ignore that?

Anybody has the right to be annoyed at anything. Anybody is allowed to feel whatever they want.

The key to being a grown up (ie not having your mood messed up by what someone else is posting on FB) is to select the appropriate action to respect your emotion. Have a tantrum? Call your sister names? Tell your sister how you feel? Report to FB? Post on MN? Give up FB? Hide your sister's posts? Tell Mum? Ignore it and supress your feelings?

Choose something that will respect your feelings without causing any further drama; do it; move quietly on.

@Eckhart

Excellent post.

Eckhart thank you for your input and I appreciate your balanced advice.

It makes you angry cos its annoying and totally inappropriate to check in at a funeral for the benefit of fb, but there you are. Fb is annoying full stop. Its for folk who like talking about themselves. You are angry your sister doesn't see its not appropriate to check in at a funeral. You thought she had more sense but she doesn't. Unfallow and leave her to it.

@lolulop

It's a bit odd to completely ignore that point & make a broader point but hey we all like the validation! 😜

Same thing, see? You find it odd, I don't. You point it out because you want people to agree with you, I am agreeing with someone.

Like you say, we all like the validation. I wonder why you're seeking it by saying someone is being odd though?

There seems to be a lack of 'letting people be different', somehow. An attempt to adhere to some external set of rules about 'what's allowed' that doesn't actually exist. What's happened to people having different opinions and respecting that?

@Eckhart

Thank you for completely understanding where I'm coming from.

That's my validation for the day.

What's happened to people having different opinions and respecting that?

Nothing, I'm just not sure why that relevant to my point though. You can agree it's ok to post stuff on SM. Likewise you can respect my opinion if calling for me to respect others.

The OP stated she was livid that a photo of her with the deceased was used, I just thought it was odd to ignore that element of the post & post only about validation. Which by the way I haven't denied. Most posts on MNs are about validation whether it's a parking thread, not liking your DHs behaviour or a work issues.

You point it out because you want people to agree

Honestly you don't have to agree with me, it's absolutely fine.

@lolulop

You point it out because you want people to agree

Honestly you don't have to agree with me, it's absolutely fine.

My point was your criticism of calling something 'odd'. Doesn't it just mean 'different from me', and therefore shouldn't really ought to be assigned a criticism?

There doesn't seem anything 'odd' about commenting on social media on a thread about social media. Just because it's not the same comment as you would have chosen to make, it's not strange.

@LouJ85

We are fully on the same page, here

@lolulop

You point it out because you want people to agree

Honestly you don't have to agree with me, it's absolutely fine.

Yes, of course. But if every time you posted on MN, everybody disagreed with you, you'd stop posting, wouldn't you. And find a forum that felt more like 'your people'.