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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister and Facebook [Titled edited by MNHQ]

100 replies

thecheekofitagain · 27/02/2021 09:22

My sister is driving me mad and I can't understand why her behaviour makes me so angry. I know it doesn't affect me and I try to ignore but grrrrrrrr
She loves FB and posts several times a day about EVERYTHING. Most of it I can ignore but Funerals and anniversary's of people passing are just wrong. I think it's so distasteful and now she has used a photo of me with the person who passed and I'm livid.
I'm not sure there is a solution but I would be interested in why this makes me so angry.

OP posts:
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 27/02/2021 09:41

Wow that is bad posting whilst at the funeral. She should be concentrating on the deceased not thinking about facebook.

Lovelydiscusfish · 27/02/2021 09:42

Posting from a funeral I agree seems weird, but I wouldn’t fall out with a family member over it.

I think various of my friends and family have quietly unfriended me recently, due to my new favourite lockdown hobby of arguing with strangers on the internet about politics.......It isn’t a big deal - I appreciate that what I post is probably very boring for normal humans who have actual lives...... 🤣🤷‍♀️

VienneseWhirligig · 27/02/2021 09:43

I agree with you that checking in from a funeral is crass, but saying you are going to a funeral, or making the anniversary or birthday of someone who has died, can be really nice for their loved ones to see that they are remembered. When someone mentions my late DH on Facebook, I am more pleased that they haven't forgotten him, than upset because they have posted, if that makes sense? I want people to say his name, post their memories of him. I want him to be alive in their heads even if just for the time it takes to post. Memories are all that are left and I can't make new ones with him, so hearing others' recollections brings me comfort.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 27/02/2021 09:44

I know I should just ignore but I want to understand why it makes me so angry.
Therapy would help you unpick your anger more than random people from the Internet.

It doesn’t seem like you want to understand though, you just want to bitch about your sister.

Pemberleys · 27/02/2021 09:44

She's your sister, have a conversation with her and explain that posting pictures of you upsets you.

Then go through your Facebook settings, unfollow her (without unfriending her) and increase your privacy settings so she can't tag you in photos.

Its amazing once you stop following someone like this how much better it feels. If she ask who you don't like/comment on her posts anymore - return to the first point and reiterate that her inappropriate posting upsets you.

DDiva · 27/02/2021 09:45

Oh and I dont care if you don't mean an actual whore. I would be upset to find out someone had described me as a facebook whore, it's a horrible term and is very derogatory and condescending.

User3covid · 27/02/2021 09:45

Some people don’t get that ‘social media whore’ is not a ‘whore’.. they’re not the same thing.

A social media whore is someone who cannot bare to not upload their entire life to a website and wait for approval from strangers rather to an actually live their lives.

Microdosing themselves with dopamine all day/everyday.

Original poster
thecheekofitagain · 27/02/2021 09:46

No I do want to understand, that was why I posted. I tried unpicking it already but when my friends agree it's distasteful that cannot articulate why. Or perhaps they are pacifying me?

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 27/02/2021 09:47

I have relatives who uploaded photos labelled “mam’s funeral”. A full album of photos.

It’s not unusual in their culture but it would be for me. Made me wince to see the photos of them all posing around the gravestone.

But people are different and grieve differently and express themselves differently.

Just because I wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I don’t think my cousins are ‘like whores’ FB has just become a very big part of their lives.

You can always untag yourself, un-friend her, unfollow her, delete your account etc

Or you could text her and ask her to remove the photos of you...

Lots of easy solutions open to you, really.

Meowchickameowmeow · 27/02/2021 09:49

Just unfollow her and you won't see it.

SquirtleSquad · 27/02/2021 09:50

You both sound as bad as each other.

Newcastleteacake · 27/02/2021 09:52

@Eckhart

Well, you can try to change her, or you can change yourself. As an adult, those are your options. So, tell her you want her to take down the photo of you and tell her why. If she doesn't respect your feelings, leave her to it and take matters into your own hands; report it to FB.

Then, STOP LOOKING AT WHAT SHE POSTS. You're an adult. Stop visiting a (virtual) place, if it pisses you off. You are responsible for how much time you choose to allocate in your life to things that make you happy and things that make you unhappy. Just start choosing better.

^this
Newcastleteacake · 27/02/2021 09:52

@SmallPrawnEnergy

I know I should just ignore but I want to understand why it makes me so angry. Therapy would help you unpick your anger more than random people from the Internet.

It doesn’t seem like you want to understand though, you just want to bitch about your sister.

^and this
sunflowersandbuttercups · 27/02/2021 09:54

Just unfollow her posts.

I don't understand why people get so worked up about things you can change in the click of a button.

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 09:56

@Eckhart

Well, you can try to change her, or you can change yourself. As an adult, those are your options. So, tell her you want her to take down the photo of you and tell her why. If she doesn't respect your feelings, leave her to it and take matters into your own hands; report it to FB.

Then, STOP LOOKING AT WHAT SHE POSTS. You're an adult. Stop visiting a (virtual) place, if it pisses you off. You are responsible for how much time you choose to allocate in your life to things that make you happy and things that make you unhappy. Just start choosing better.

This. Just don't go on there as much anymore or unfollow people who annoy you. 🤷‍♀️

lioncitygirl · 27/02/2021 09:56

I’ll see your cards, and raise you a fb live stream funeral....... just scroll pass if you don’t like it Op. no need to call her names.

Somethingkindaoooo · 27/02/2021 09:58

@User3covid

Some people don’t get that ‘social media whore’ is not a ‘whore’.. they’re not the same thing.

A social media whore is someone who cannot bare to not upload their entire life to a website and wait for approval from strangers rather to an actually live their lives.

Microdosing themselves with dopamine all day/everyday.

I think that is it!

I have a friend who posts every day. Some of her pictures of herself are a bit...obvious in that she is looking for approval.

I HAVE lost some respect. I do believe it is a sign of a disordered personality to ( seemingly) need the approval of others in that way.
Yes, I'm aware that I'm being an awful person for feeling that way.

Eckhart · 27/02/2021 09:58

@thecheekofitagain

No I do want to understand, that was why I posted. I tried unpicking it already but when my friends agree it's distasteful that cannot articulate why. Or perhaps they are pacifying me?
Working out 'why' something pisses you off is pointless. Just respect your feelings, you don't need to question them. And allow your sister hers. There are no rules about these things. It might be distasteful to you , and not to your sister. You are both entitled to feel how you feel, about whatever you want. But if you find yourself being made uncomfortable by someone else's take on life, stay away from them. Then your life will have less discomfort in it. It's really not complicated.
LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 09:59

@sunflowersandbuttercups

Just unfollow her posts.

I don't understand why people get so worked up about things you can change in the click of a button.

Honestly neither do I. I've unfollowed many an annoying person on FB - it's so easy to do. So many threads on here of people moaning about their annoying FB feeds when they're perfectly in control of who's content they see on there. Baffles me.

B33Fr33 · 27/02/2021 10:03

She sounds a bit lonely and desperate for attention and as though she has a phone problem.

But honestly why get irate? I mean you're moaning about her discussing EVERY bit of her life on SM by moaning about her online. Splitting hairs isn't it? Or is this a safe I know what annoys MN post because you're bored today?

Comeondelicious · 27/02/2021 10:04

Could it be that OP you are angry because she thinks that FB is IRL and the likes and friends reflect that she is more popular than you [hmm.] also you may miss your friend...

KarensChoppyBob · 27/02/2021 10:07

Some people are getting the wrong end of the stick with the whore metaphor.

I am a self-confessed book whore = I read anything and I read frequently.

OP's sister posts everything and anything.

Really surprised this has to be explained.

ItisLikethis · 27/02/2021 10:07

While your sister's posts are distasteful, so is your name calling.Hmm

darklady64 · 27/02/2021 10:07

Just unfollow, or if you can't bring yourself to do that, hide her posts for 30 days. You will feel so much better!

partyatthepalace · 27/02/2021 10:08

@Toomanyradishes

If I had to choose between someone who posted on facebook several times a day, and someone who called their sister a whore for posting on facebook, I would choose the facebook poster
Me too.

Wind your neck in OP, and go and sort out whatever is wrong with your own life that is making you miserable. (Hint - it is not your sister.)