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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is no LGBT community?

56 replies

Dalyesque · 26/02/2021 19:53

I guess I am really pissed off that I a lesbian woman (funny that I need to qualify the word lesbian) am grouped in with the mythical community labelled LGBT. We are not a community and I feel more part of a lesbian/feminist/ women’s community . Practically nothing to do with gay men though we can all acknowledge same sex attraction, a bit of a cross over with bi women, but nothing at all in common with men or transwomen.

OP posts:
Skysblue · 26/02/2021 20:02

Yanbu. Doesn’t seem to me that women get much of a voice in the ‘community.’

I always found it kinda weird that trans is in there. Trans isn’t a sexual orientation and has completely taken over the discussion.

Nowayhozay · 26/02/2021 20:16

Must be where you live, we have a wonderfully inclusive community. Very supportive of all comers.
One big happy family as far as I can see with everyone joining in.

I think its important that the trans community are not left out in the cold, they are suffering the same bigotry and discrimination that the gays and lesbians suffered.

Skyliner001 · 26/02/2021 20:26

Agree with @Nowayhozay Same here. Wonderful inclusive community 😊

SimonJT · 26/02/2021 20:30

There is very much a strong LGBT community, if it doesn’t suit you thats perfectly fine, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. The community where I live is thriving and provides people with a high level of support.

I’m Pakistani, the Pakistani community very much exists, but I personally choose not to be part of it.

I’m Sikh, the Sikh community very much exists, there are bits I like and dislike about our local Sikh community, so I just take part in the bits I like.

Franpan · 26/02/2021 20:33

I hate these amorphous “community” claims. Obviously homosexual people have something in common. But to suggest that homosexual people and people with identity disorders automatically share some sort of core identity makes no sense to me.

AwonderfulNewName · 26/02/2021 20:35

I'm newly out and at first, was excited to join the alphabet mafia. But it turns out that I am too (whilst absolutely loving gay men and have many friends among them) feel more part of women/feminist/lesbian rather than the whole LGBTQA+

Franpan · 26/02/2021 20:35

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m0therofdragons · 26/02/2021 20:35

I always think that trans is forced into a community that’s totally unrelated and a different issue entirely. I also sense a dislike between gay men and lesbian women although I’ve not really looked into it hugely. I know a few gay/lesbian people but in my rl the numbers are low and trans wise I know one who has transitioned but she’s not a great advert for the community. Mostly it’s straight people I see being outraged on behalf of of the lgbt community.

StilettosAndBrokenBottles · 26/02/2021 20:39

I get it @Dalyesque. I think you mean it isn't inclusive or for female lesbians? I have never felt less included in the LGBT community - in fact I feel positively excluded by it now, which makes me really sad and feel quite isolated.

I read an article the other day that was about the LGBT community and it actually featured a female lesbian. I was really surprised, and it made me realise that the LGBT stuff I read doesn't really seem to include lesbians very often now.

It wasn't always like this, I felt included and a part of it years ago. I don't know what the answer is, but let's face it, you've just been told your own experience isn't real, which just further underlines to me the general (mis)understanding of the issue.

Branleuse · 26/02/2021 20:42

I think there are various communities in it, but no real consensus. When i was younger people would say they were scene or non scene. I wonder if its the same

rosiejaune · 26/02/2021 20:46

I agree it is not really a cohesive group.

I am a bi woman, and don't feel like I have anything in common with gay men or trans people. Despite being gender nonconforming myself (so by some people's definitions I am trans, though I wouldn't use that term about myself as it implies you accept a certain ideology, which I don't).
And despite a significant percentage of the bi community being trans, and vice versa.

I have been to bi social groups, but I don't feel like I really belong at wider LGBT events such as Pride. It didn't help that the one year I went on the parade, the bi group was sandwiched between the Rubbermen and the Leathermen, who were dressed in their gear, and smoking all the way round (I had my daughter with me).

MySocalledLoaf · 26/02/2021 20:48

You may not connect with it but many people do. When I was working in a STEM workplace our work LGBT association was predominantly male and the issues and concerns faced were similar. Trans people faced different issues but collaborating with them was still effective.

cliftonbear · 26/02/2021 20:54

I guess it depends on the person and the kinds of people in the LGBT community you interact with. I’m a bi girl, and I feel I relate to my gay male friends, my lesbian friends and my trans girl and guy friends. It helps that we’re similar in ages probably, but if you don’t feel like you particularly belong with the community that’s fine! you’ve mentioned you feel more comfortable with specifially lesbian and feminist communities so that’s great 🥰

therocinante · 26/02/2021 20:57

Sadly for you, I think you're the exception! (Or I'd hope so, for others sake).

I'm bi and have a lot of lesbian/gay/trans friends, as well as a lot of involvement in 'the community' (events, volunteering etc) and largely it's the lesbians who seem to be the most influential within my sphere in terms of organising and holding events, leading community campaigns etc.

It's always been enormously friendly, inclusive, and connected - if anything I would say that gay men are the least represented/involved within the LGBT+ community I associate with (major city with big queer scene).

underneaththeash · 26/02/2021 21:23

I think it depends where you live. When I lived in Manchester there was a big community (with the T) and also in London (without the T).
My brother lives with his husband in a southern town with no community at all and prefers it that way.

YouShouldLeave · 26/02/2021 21:46

Just asking off topic, are there any out asexual people?
Are they welcomed in the communities?

ifitpleasesandsparkles · 26/02/2021 21:51

There was a thread weeks ago discussing whether or not there is really a trans "community." It sadly got pulled because you just can't discuss these things for any length of time on Mumsnet. I'm watching to see what happens here.

Syrrup · 26/02/2021 21:52

No. I've always found the gay and lesbian communities far more bi-phobic than the straight community. It is not a welcoming space.

SimonJT · 26/02/2021 21:53

@YouShouldLeave

Just asking off topic, are there any out asexual people? Are they welcomed in the communities?
Where I am they would be, where I am absolutely everyone is welcome.
Madwife123 · 26/02/2021 21:54

Yep I know how you feel. I’m a lesbian woman and am sick of being sidelined in my own community in the name of being ‘woke’. I no longer feel a part of it. Females are being erased from all sectors sadly.

YouShouldLeave · 26/02/2021 22:05

”SimonJT

YouShouldLeave
Just asking off topic, are there any out asexual people?
Are they welcomed in the communities?
Where I am they would be, where I am absolutely everyone is welcome.”

That’s really cool!

Thank you for answering.

LAgeDeRaisin · 26/02/2021 22:14

YANBU

It's a bit like whoever came up with BAME. As if someone ethnically Japanese automatically has something in common with someone from Nigera.

It's worse though as at least that's all about race. I also don't understand the link between the T (or any of the other letters after T) and LGB.

LongIslandIcedT · 26/02/2021 22:25

I've no real experience other than gay friends but it seems to be a collective description of 'not heterosexual' rather than a community group.

ListeningQuietly · 26/02/2021 22:29

Us heteros are not a community
why should any other group magically be coherent ?

its offensive that people assume that other groups all think the same way

Linning · 26/02/2021 23:05

@ListeningQuietly

Us heteros are not a community why should any other group magically be coherent ?

its offensive that people assume that other groups all think the same way

Nobody says we (I am a lesbian) think the same.

But the point is that we have shared experiences.

I am French, you wouldn’t say all French people think the same but I share a cultural background with other French people and while I am an individual, I am still part of the French community.

OP, I disagree with you, yes, as a lesbian I am of course closer to queer women due to having slightly more in common but personally I do feel there is a big LGBTQ+ community and I love it so I don’t share your feelings at all. Your experience is yours and valid but implying that because you feel a certain way the community as whole doesn’t exist or have to feel the way you do is a tiny bit narrow minded.

I think the fact that you seem to think you only have things in common with lesbians (as even bi women you seem to think you have very little in common with) means that you probably think the only think the only thing the Community has in common is their same-sex attraction. Me being a lesbian doesn’t mean we have more in common than if I was bi (I could be bi and exclusively date women, I could be a lesbian and have never dated a woman and only dated men until now). The community is about more than same-Sex attraction or gender identity.