OP it’s very strange that you aren’t part of the community and have rejected fully as you say, but yet seem to know exactly what happens in the community for lesbians.
I am part of the biggest lesbian community in the world likely (I live in the Bay Area, we have our own lesbian bars, own lesbians events a couple of times a week etc...) and I have yet to see a trans woman or anyone trying to convince me or others that we are trans. None. And I work closely with the LGBT community , especially the Lesbian and trans community & attend 99% of the events etc.
Not saying that no trans individual didn’t ever suggest to a butch lesbian or non-binary individual they might be trans, somewhere at some point. But you implying it’s happening all the time everywhere is completely untrue. Most trans people are focusing on their own journey to acceptance they aren’t out there trying to convince you, you are trans.
Also how would trans-women who like women benefit from you feeling like you are a man? It simply doesn’t as it would naturally reduce
their dating pool.
Is there some issues within the community about women/lesbian being able to express they don’t want to date folks with penises irrelevant of how they identify? Yes at times and that’s not okay and should never happen. But as someone who don’t date anyone with a penis, and have no problem making it clear (in a respectful way) I have never ever had an issue about stating my preferences and most of my lesbian friends are similar and also have never had an issue.
As for the “straight women” who are like “I am straight but totally agree lesbians are being marginalized and the LGBTQ+ community doesn’t exist.” They deserve a massive eye-roll.
Unless you are part of the community, it really isn’t your space to come confirm or deny anything about the community (you don’t believe exist anyway).
The only ones who have really oppressed me and continue to try and convince me I am not a lesbian or who want to benefit from my sexuality are straight people. Who also now feel like they are entitled to talk on my/other lesbians behalf to support their own agendas and convictions. I find those a much bigger problem and threat to our community than trans people.