To be really sad breastfeeding is coming to an end

[willowsandroses]

When I had my baby I tried to breastfeed and just couldn’t. So I’ve been expressing for him. I never managed enough to totally feed him myself but had half and half - half breast milk and half formula.

I really hate feeding him formula but in the last couple of weeks my expressing has gone to pot. My milk is now drying up.

I really wanted to get to three months

Oh I really feel for you, I really struggled to feed my first and now I’m struggling to feed my second, slightly less so. But I was so sad at having to feed my first formula, to the point where at the beginning I felt like I was poisoning him, very strange reaction from someone who has formula fed many a baby through my work. You have done amazing to have pumped half of what your baby has needed for this long. I only ever managed to pump 5/10 ml and it nearly killed me trying. My only words of wisdom for you are that my son is now 2.5 and v healthy, v happy, v bright and we have a great bond. Don’t beat yourself up about it and well done you for what you have managed!

yabu

There is support available. If you've already tried peer supporters, the next level is a breastfeeding counsellor (who can be contacted via the BfN telephone line or online chat). If it's more complex than they can help with, they'll refer you to a lactation consultant (though that is not necessary for most women).

Or your local Infant Feeding Team should still be offering some kind of support, whether that is online or in person.

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/breastfeeding-support/

They can support you to increase your supply again and potentially breastfeed directly (which is more sustainable than expressing long term).

This website is fabulous for breastfeeding information. Have you tried ‘power pumping’?

kellymom.com/hot-topics/pumping_decrease/

I had a similar experience to u. My baby was jaundiced and didnt hsv the energy to breastfeed and i struggled to latch her. With these combined the hospital gave me a breast pump i pumped every 3 hours it was just exhausting. When she was on 50ml per day i managed but as her demands increased i was struggling to produce milk. It was so stressful and upsetting. I tried herbals and everything. Different machines to produce more. I combine fed but she began refusing the breast milk and gulping the formula instead i felt like my efforts were done. I cried and was really upset over it. After 5 months i switched to full formula and it was a relief in a sense. Dont b too hard on urself please. Formula isnt bad as long as ur baby is being fed. My husband was fully formula fed and hes 30 and fine, ur baby will get nutrients from th milk still.

I have no advice but YANBU. Breastfeeding is so hard, I genuinely don't know anybody who has had an easy ride and just cracked it from the off. Most women I know wanted to breastfeed and tried but were not able to. Most have also felt awful for 'giving up' or not making it to a certain point in time. Pumping is a right faff, drove me crackers constantly washing and sterilising all the little pieces. Be kind to yourself x

Yes, I have looked at Kellymom etc, thanks.

Lullaby I wanted to get ton6 months but struggling to get to 3

Feel your pain OP. I breastfed my first exclusively for 2.5 years, thought I was a dab hand - my second girl is now 11 days old and just will not take the breast. I'm lucky I respond well to the pump, so after a few formula top ups to keep her sugars up on day 3/4, she's been exclusively fed on EBM - but it's exhausting, I am pumping when I should be cuddling my baby, I am missing pumping sessions as so tired I don't wake up to the alarms I set, I hate all the planning and cleaning and sterilising and worrying about infection, and I HATE shoving a bottle teat in her mouth as it just feels so alien. It sucks. We all want to do our best for our babies but it's gruelling when things aren't going well with feeding, because it's so fundamental and constant.

Sending you love - hope you find a way to continue, or to make your peace if you can't carry on bf.

Thanks.the problem is I literally don’t get a minute to myself in the day to pump. As soon as I put baby down and attach myself he starts crying! Then at night I’m shattered. I do do it but I’ve missed a couple of sessions. I now no longer leak milk and normally produce most at night but barely got 20 mls.

Sending you hugs! Breastfeeding is so hard in the beginning! I really struggled too but I managed to ditch the formula at 1 month and EBF my baby til she started solids. She is still being breastfed and almost 9 months.
I was pumping in the beginning and it was super stressful. What worked for me was making sure I pumped the amount of formula she was drinking and also pumping MORE than what she needed and storing it in the fridge. When she needed supplementing I gave her the breastmilk I had in the fridge first. I also breastfed through the night because that’s when you make the most milk. I was also pumping early in the morning like around 5am so that I could get that milk out! It was hard! After 3 months everything finally clicked and it became a real doddle. I hope you can continue BFing because if that’s what you really want to do then you can do it!! It gets easier later.

peri I can’t, I don’t produce enough. I do pump through the night but while I did produce more than the day it’s still not a surplus. Anyway, my milk is going.

I have the same problem re time OP, especially with a 4yo to wrangle too. I've just bought a manual pump in the hope I can do some sneaky one handed pumping whilst holding her - might that work for you? A lot of women don't get on with electric pumps as they find them stressful, and manual or hands on pumping works better. Don't worry about the leaking, I've never leaked milk (my boobs just don't leak) but have a good supply x

I really feel for you. If you wanted to breastfeed to a certain point and couldn't then of course you have every right to be sad. But please, be kind to yourself, take a step back and maybe spend a bit of time thinking about why it is exactly that you feel so bad about this and how much you really should. I am breastfeeding my DD now but it took me nearly all of the fourth trimester to get to the point where it was working ok and not making my life a misery and I regret not stopping sooner when I think about all the time and energy that I could have spent enjoying with my never again to be so tiny (not chronically hungry) daughter, if I had just switched to formula. I honestly think the pressure put on women to EBF is bonkers, considering there is a perfectly fine alternative - maybe not optimal from a nutritional perspective, but definitely good enough. (My inner ranty feminist gets really angry at the level of guilt women seem to be expected to feel when breastfeeding doesn't work out, on top of everything else, but that is a post for another day!)

So, be sad that you missed out on an experience that you wanted. But please do not for one minute let any of that sadness come from a place of guilt. And then pick yourself up and go enjoy your lovely baby, bottles and all, because exactly how we feed them at the beginning is such a tiny part of parenting overall.

Oh, and if you do decide to go down the road of trying to fix it, please only do that if you honestly think it is the right thing for both of you, given the significant time and energy involved and the inevitable sacrifices of time and mental energy spent on other things. And maybe give yourself a deadline for getting it working. I wish I had.

I used to leak quite a lot though and now I don’t pump as much,I don’t.

I didn’t have any pressure to breastfeed, the opposite really! Everyone trying to get me to formula feed despite me saying’but I really want to breastfeed!’

Not leaking doesn't mean you're drying up. It actually means your supply had stabilised. Well it could be drying up but it's bot a definite, it can also mean ifs just settled down. Sounds stressful, hope you're ok

Well yes but they combined with not producing anything like as much on the pump suggests it’s drying up although at least my clothes don’t get covered in breast milk. Just baby sick. Sigh.

Honestly whole loada respect for women who exclusively pump/pump and top up.

The planets needed to align before I could pump a decent amount and someone else had to look after DC. I didn’t even manage a day of exclusive pulping when I tried after getting pregnant and absolutely shuddering at the feeling of my baby latching on.

Telling you a secret: i wish I switched earlier

I had this too. I felt so sad, I did get over it more quickly than I thought I would. Now I just think it would have been nice to carry on and thats it . You will be absolutely fine. What you are feeling is natural. Roll with it.

I EBF two DCs. The first went well after a difficult start, the second less so and I stopped at 3 months.

Personally, I never wanted to pump. I found it to be the worst of all worlds, so I didn't.

I felt sad, yes. But DC2 was otherwise perfectly healthy.

Like PPs have said, pumping comes with all sorts of costs. You'll have disappointments in lots of aspects of parenting over the years.

Feed your baby the easiest way for you. Don't underestimate your need for sleep and general well-being.

I think it's time for you to make peace with the situation rather than choosing the longer, harder road.

I promise you... In 1 year, 5 years... It won't matter. Be gentle with yourself, please.

I think you’ve done amazingly well to feed through pumping for so long (much harder than direct feeding!) and 3 months is already so good for your baby.

Formula milk will be fine now

Don’t beat yourself up

Ending breastfeeding is always sad and emotional, but try to appreciate what you achieved

I know it’s hard and I’ve been there. I was exactly like you. I lasted a bit longer but I was beyond stressed and depressed for being a failure of a mother.
My DD just turned 13, she’s top of her class, talented actress, good at sports, healthy and all around good, confident kid. I don’t even give the BF a thought tho it was such a dark cloud in my life back then. ‘What am I feeding her?’ was always on my mind.
It won’t matter in the end. Make sure you love your child, support her, be her number 1 cheerleader, raise her to be a decent human and none of this will matter.
“Breast is best” made me feel like a failure and I was not. It took years to get over it. Don’t be like me.

I remember when i gave up pumping thats when i got to know my baby and enjoy spending time with her. If u arent producing enough its probably a sign to say stop. The exhaustion stress and everything can get too much. I just remember how horrible it felt getting up at 3a m. Then 6 a.m. etc.but i was determined.
I got to 5 months but that was combined i barely produced much id get like 10ml and max 30 and id mix it together just enough fr like half a feed. It wasnt worth it fr me in th end. Dont b too hard on urself x

I don’t even know why it’s so important to me, it just is. I saw someone else breastfeeding their baby today and it made me feel really sad.

OP if you want to change this please contact your local infant feeding team (google for contact details or ask your health visitor) - they'll do their best to help and if it still doesn't improve at least you'll know you tried everything you could and might feel more content about drawing a line under it?

@willowsandroses stopping breastfeeding at any age is very sad and you will get emotional about it. I stopped when mine were around 2 years and 4 months and still felt emotional. A friend hated breastfeeding but had to keep going as she wanted to hit the year mark. Another friend's combi fed baby is refusing milk from the breast and she's expressing but not getting much. I'm telling her it's ok as baby is fine regardless but like you she's upset as her baby is 10 months and she wanted to do a year!

I'm pregnant with my third and will be breastfeeding exclusively but that's because we have a history of severe dairy and egg allergies and my eldest is still allergic to some dairy and eggs. But if breastfeeding doesn't work as well, we will be switching to hypoallergenic milk. As much as I wasn't to breastfeed, I now know it isn't the be all or end all, every breastfeed counts.

Please don't beat yourself about it, you've tried your best and your mental health comes first.