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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really sad breastfeeding is coming to an end

73 replies

willowsandroses · 25/02/2021 01:46

When I had my baby I tried to breastfeed and just couldn’t. So I’ve been expressing for him. I never managed enough to totally feed him myself but had half and half - half breast milk and half formula.

I really hate feeding him formula but in the last couple of weeks my expressing has gone to pot. My milk is now drying up.

I really wanted to get to three months

OP posts:

Original poster

willowsandroses · 27/02/2021 18:52

If I got that amount I’d carry on pumping drained

We just use the ready made formula bottles.

OP posts:

Peridotty · 27/02/2021 19:32

Do you know why your baby doesn’t latch? Do they have a tongue tie? Do they not like the position? Do they have a nipple preference for the bottle? Have you had anyone look at the latch?

FTEngineerM · 27/02/2021 19:40

@Draineddraineddrained ten fucking ounces in twenty minutes bloody hell, that’s cracking. Any tips?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/02/2021 19:44

OP having pumped for a few months myself - hand yourself a gold medal for trying so hard for so long.

Focus on the positives. You've given your baby a fantastic start in life with lots of breast milk.

I will be really realistic with you, if you were already struggling to keep up with pumping and your supply is dropping it's fairly unlikely you can fully reverse that, as really the only remedy is more regular expressing etc. And that is just fine. Formula milk is healthy and your baby will thrive on it.

It's ok to be sad about it, many people feel that way whenever their breastfeeding journey ends, whether they reach whatever milestone they set out to, or not.

Most importantly BE PROUD and be positive. You have done really well for your baby and I'm sure you've got a healthy happy thriving little one to enjoy. Cuddle that baby, best way to cheer you up :D

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/02/2021 19:50

drained

You have a cracking supply. Most people do not get any where near that much. Are you in the first 1-3m post partum? You may have an oversupply that's likely to drop fast from 3 or 4m on.

I pumped for 6m from when my daughter was 6 to 12m old and was pretty experienced, every trick in the book to boost milk supply etc, and the most I ever got in 24 hours was about 26oz, and that required 8 pumping sessions including pumping 3 hourly through the night.

jaffacakes16 · 27/02/2021 19:52

Such a difficult situation when you want to bf but your body and baby have other ideas. It may be worth having another go feeding from the breast now baby is older. Their latch will be very different and they may manage better than at the start. Before you stop set aside a couple of days of doing nothing but lying about watching tv and doing skin to skin just in case baby manages to work it out. I found nipple shields a good interim measure. Go back to first principals re a good deep latch (if you can get professional help here do I paid for a private lactation consultant and it was well worth it) Pumping is so hard and you’ve done really well to do it for your baby for any length of time, if bf doesn’t work out try not to beat yourself up (easier said than done I know) you’ve done a great job and tried your best. Good luck.

Pumperthepumper · 27/02/2021 19:55

You can still try to latch if you’re keen to keep going, just try when he’s settled and relaxed and see how it goes.

Pumping is absolutely no indication of supply and it really pisses me off that we’re told that. I fucking hated pumping, it made me tense and miserable and I was lucky if I got a few drops. Why not try one breastfeed per day at a time when he’s not really starving and see how you get on?

PopUpName · 27/02/2021 19:56

OP - please don't feel bad about this! You do not need to try any further. You sound like a wonderful mother and you are doing the absolute best for your baby. Which includes you being rested and happy and not stressed about feeding.

I know that all the posters suggesting other strategies and resources are trying to be helpful, but sometimes this endless round of, 'have you tried...?' can just make you feel inadequate and frustrated.

You will find SO many things to feel guilty about as a parent, and there will always be someone around to make you feel even worse (sometimes unintentionally). But really, why spend even a moment feeling guilty about feeding your baby the best way you can? Which at this point is formula.

BF is wonderful if it's working for you and your baby. But it's not. Like every stage you come to with parenthood, try to look relentlessly forward to what's great about the next part of your lives. Don't spend another minute on regret. You have a baby to enjoy! Good luck.

GreenSlide · 27/02/2021 20:03

Once you've made the switch to exclusively using formula you wont look back, you'll be sad for a day or two but the relief is immense. Pumping and looking after a newborn and making bottles is bloody hard work.

Original poster

willowsandroses · 27/02/2021 20:04

Yes I’m pretty confident I’ve done everything possible to breastfeed, it wasn’t happening. And he is used to bottles now.

OP posts:

GreenSlide · 27/02/2021 20:06

@willowsandroses

Yes I’m pretty confident I’ve done everything possible to breastfeed, it wasn’t happening. And he is used to bottles now.

It's fine. You've done your absolute best and that's all you can do. No point in flogging a dead horse. Move on and enjoy life with your baby

Symbion · 27/02/2021 20:14

It's ok. Absolutely I think the end of BF has a grief to it to many, like any ending really. It is so common to think "if only I could have made it to..." and name some arbitrary goal that really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. I bet there was a time when you were just trying to make it to tomorrow, or the end of the week, and I bet there were times when you'd have been thrilled to make it to 2 months. We have this awful habit of continually shifting the goalposts so that we are never happy!

I know this shouldn't be about success or failure - as long as your baby is fed that is all that matters. But for what it's worth, some babies are just WAY harder to feed than others. My experience is that expressing is way, way harder than direct breastfeeding. Going into having my second baby I was adamant that they didn't latch they'd go onto formula - I just refused to go down the whole rabbit hole of expressing, mixed feeding, nipple confusion etc again. Fed second child for over a year, no problems after tongue tie sorted, much more settled baby. People who "succeed" with breastfeeding may just have it a lot easier than you. A baby who opens their mouth to latch helps so much! You've done your best with the circumstances you were given. That is more than enough.

peachypetite · 27/02/2021 20:29

@Draineddraineddrained I make a couple at a time, rapid cool and store in fridge.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 27/02/2021 20:29

@Draineddraineddrained - get a perfect prep machine. Absolute game changer.

OP - we all have ideas in our heads about how we want our pregnancies/labour/maternity leave, etc to go. I had a very comfortable pregnancy, nightmare labour and emergency c section, which I obviously didn't hope for. Multiple health issues with my baby meant that breastfeeding wasn't successful. I never had any emotional feelings about breastfeeding, if it worked great but if it didn't my baby had the next best thing. I don't even think about how the labour/birth/early days didn't go according to plan as that's what life is like. Certainly what parenting is like. It was an utter relief to stop all the nonsense with trying to pump enough when all I wanted to do was cuddle and interact with my baby. I don't think any mum looks back on early days with their baby and wishes that they spent more time stressing themselves out and upsetting themselves about not pumping enough/producing enough when there is a perfectly fabulous alternative. The most absolutely vital things are that your baby has enough to drink and lots of love and cwtches. Honestly, you'll look back and wish you spent less time stressing and feeling like shit about this and more time enjoying your newborn in a few years.

caringcarer · 27/02/2021 20:32

Don't beat yourself up, you have done amazingly well. You will have given your baby good immunity to infection through the winter when most likely to become ill. Pat yourself on the back OP. I found each baby I had I had more milk for and could breastfeed for longer, baby 1 3 months, baby 2 7 months and baby 3 11 months.

Tiggerdig · 27/02/2021 20:45

I’ve been there. Honestly beaten myself up about it for years. Youngest now 9 and I still feel sad at times. Having said that they are healthy and that’s the main thing.

lunarlife · 27/02/2021 20:46

In addition to the other ways to save time we also used pre mixed formula, which saved time and was highly portable.

peachypetite · 27/02/2021 20:55

Oh yes @willowsandroses The pre made stuff is great for a night feed or if you’re out and about. I didn’t feel comfortable getting a perfect prep but know others rave about it.

Itsamess8456 · 27/02/2021 20:56

I'm pro-breastfeeding but if it doesn't work out, it really isn't a problem. He'll thrive anyway and we'll move on to the next mum guilt (mine are now older and I have guilt that I allow ds9 too much screen time, dd14 doesn't want to hang out with us anymore, dd11 is luckily doing well at the mo)

I was sitting in a work meeting last year and we were chatting afterwards about this (Healthcare) there were 6 of us (2 x professors, 2 consultants, a scientific scientist and me) - only one of us was bf as a baby. The most senior person said his mother used to mush a boiled egg in his formula.

Your baby will be fine

Draineddraineddrained · 27/02/2021 21:20

Re supply I know I'm lucky - I bf my first for 2.5 years so I think my boobs know what to do with little encouragement (although I am in first 2 weeks so supply my well diminish rapidly - don't know what I'll do then!) I'm using an Ameda lactiline double pump I borrowed from my friend so it's 50-150ml from each boob each time just doubled up. And I always have my baby nearby when I'm pumping which seems to help get the flow going. Downside is I often have boobs like bags of marbles if I miss a session so I'm anxious about mastitis.

Draineddraineddrained · 27/02/2021 21:22

Thanks to folk for the formula advice - I feel it's likely to play a part at some point if she doesn't latch soon, and it feels like such a mystery world to me. I figure so many people use it it can't be as difficult as it looks from having not used it before!

Draineddraineddrained · 27/02/2021 21:25

@willowsandroses we used the premade for the first few days while waiting for a pump but by God it's ruinously expensive. No way my partner would go for it long term so I'd have to master the art of the powdered stuff.

I really hope you are feeling better about things. I'm trying to let go of my disappointment that I can't feed my baby from the breast and trying to concentrate on the fact she's a fat healthy baby with s lovely nature... It's so hard to let go of the dreams we had about how we'd raise our babies xx

Pigriver · 27/02/2021 21:33

@Draineddraineddrained
I'd boil the kettle and put in 2 Oz of boiling water and then add the scoops. Then top up with cooled boiled water I kept in a flask.ssy it was a 6oz bottle the water needed to reach 7oz to compensate for the volume of milk powder. It was then ready to drink.

For night feeds I'd have one flask of hit water and one of cold. It was a pita but manageable. Dh usually did it while I got the baby.

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