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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really sad breastfeeding is coming to an end

73 replies

willowsandroses · 25/02/2021 01:46

When I had my baby I tried to breastfeed and just couldn’t. So I’ve been expressing for him. I never managed enough to totally feed him myself but had half and half - half breast milk and half formula.

I really hate feeding him formula but in the last couple of weeks my expressing has gone to pot. My milk is now drying up.

I really wanted to get to three months

OP posts:

peachypetite · 26/02/2021 06:18

OP I pumped for seven weeks until I got my baby assessed privately for tongue tie. Pumping is exhausting and very few women are able to keep it up for the long run. You’ve done so well. I’ve just switched to formula at three months and am just proud baby got some breast milk.

Original poster

willowsandroses · 26/02/2021 06:20

I have done everything that can be done in covid times Katie. But thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

willowsandroses · 26/02/2021 06:22

And thank you mish and peachy. It’s just hard seeing next to nothing come out when I express now. I wish I’d kept it up.

OP posts:

Notanotherhun · 26/02/2021 06:23

Does baby latch on at all?

Original poster

willowsandroses · 26/02/2021 06:25

No never has really. He was given a bottle when he was first born (not by me) and the first night I had him in hospital was just a nightmare - he’d latch on then fall off and end up so frustrated and upset.

OP posts:

Notanotherhun · 26/02/2021 06:28

Oh that is sad to hear, does he like skin to skin? I agree with previous posters, you shouldn't beat yourself up at all, pumping is incredibly hard work but also very different in terms of milk supply.

peachypetite · 26/02/2021 06:38

I know at the beginning I felt incredibly emotional too. But honestly i have made my leave too, even after tongue was cut i only breastfed her for about a month with a nipple shield before deciding to switch, now that I no longer have to stress about anything and know how much she’s getting I am so much happier.

Peridotty · 27/02/2021 00:53

I also didn’t make enough I think. I struggled for at least a month and it was stressful. Probably one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done- breastfeeding. Hated the pump. What I did to increase my milk supply was to drink Mother’s Milk tea- I think it helped!! Have you tried that before? It’s a herbal tea meant to stimulate lactation. The other things you can do is to have baby suck on your nipples for as long as possible. Another thing that really worked for me was to have baby alternate the feed from each boob. I went from under supply to oversupply actually. If you look back at one of my previous threads last year I got loads of good advice from mumsnetters!

Thewithesarehere · 27/02/2021 01:07

Oh OP! Don’t beat yourself, you sound like you tried your best!
FWIW, I despaired at giving my DC formula. But looking back, I realise that I would have enjoyed that time with DC much more if I had stayed focused on the fact they were growing fine and were healthy.

TingTastic · 27/02/2021 01:18

There’s much more to being a mum than supplying breast milk. I also tried to exclusively pump for my eldest but supply gradually dwindled while her needs increased. I felt so much relief when I finally gave up and had spare time to really spend with her, I wish I had accepted it earlier

hannahbanana2007 · 27/02/2021 01:44

Breastfeeding/pumping is such a struggle sometimes, I never expected it to be so hard. Sorry if this is going over old ground, but have you tried just taking a couple days to spend it in bed/relaxing with your baby, and doing skin to skin where possible? I know you said the baby won't latch but even if solely pumping I found my supply dropped massively when tired/stressed and maybe just taking some time out will help supply so you could carry on, if you wanted to of course? I also found if I started expressing with a pump I got very little, but if I started with manual expressing til it triggered let down then the pump would work better from that point onwards

LudoTrouble · 27/02/2021 01:55

YANBU to be sad. There are so many endless things that we as mothers can feel guilty and worried about. For some reason feeding is a huge one.

I think you've done incredibly well to get this far. You can feel really proud of yourself for persevering without a lot of support.

If it's time to stop then that's okay. Your baby will be loved and healthy, and you did everything you could to feed him breast milk.

If you want more support to keep trying that's okay too. It's hard to tell what's going to be what you need to hear right now. It sounds like you feel that you've done all you could, and you just feel sad about the situation. This is a really normal feeling and you can feel sad, then after a while you'll feel better about it. If you need to do something to process, like write down your feelings or do something special with some of your breast milk or whatever, then do it! Or plan a little celebration afternoon tea for yourself for the last pumping to appreciate what your body has done to nourish your baby this far.

You sound like a good Mum.

lunarlife · 27/02/2021 01:58

I pumped and formula fed for 3 months for my dc.
Looking back over ten years later I honestly wouldn't bother.
I would stress less on setting my dc up perfectly on a nutrition basis and just sleep and snuggle more.
But I was focused on trying to be perfect and I didn't understand how much tat my dc would eat as teens.

Enjoy your dc, breastfeeding is such an a small part of parenting even if it feels huge at the start.

Original poster

willowsandroses · 27/02/2021 10:54

Thanks - trying to pump as much as possible but not much coming out. I’ve tried the tea but I think I had a lot of milk to start with but obviously a pump isn’t as effective as a baby.

OP posts:

TheVanguardSix · 27/02/2021 11:02

Eat porridge oats! It really upped my supply.
At 29, I had milk to feed the world with DC1.
I didn't have DC2 until I was 38 and breastfeeding was a different story by then. My milk supply was not good and DC2 wasn't that enthusiastic (probably because there wasn't much in it for her, tbh). Eating porridge oats markedly improved my supply. It's not an old wives tale, it is a proven method. Give it a try, OP. It can't hurt.

Notanotherhun · 27/02/2021 11:12

Remember that feeding through the night is hugely important to the supply process. I was feeding every 2 hours. Ultimately supply comes down to constant and responsive feeding.

Original poster

willowsandroses · 27/02/2021 11:13

I don’t think it’s my milk that’s a problem, it’s the fact the baby isn’t feeding

OP posts:

CoRhona · 27/02/2021 12:06

My bf days came to a really abrupt end, DD blew a raspberry instead of latching on and then when I tried again, she bit me.

She's much older now and still knows exactly what she wants

Porcupineintherough · 27/02/2021 12:32

YANBU to be upset but you may find that when you look back on it in a few months you will be at peace with the decision. I lost most of my milk supply at 6 mo after a bout of food poisoning. Moved to mixed then soon to formula and was dreadfully upset at the time but even a month later I was wondering why.

Hankunamatata · 27/02/2021 12:47

Your not going to believe me now bit honestly a few years when wee one starts preschool it wont even be a thought in your head. No one asks how a baby was fed

Peridotty · 27/02/2021 14:52

Have you tried other positions with your baby? We went through a short nursing strike with mine. She would cry and fuss on the breast and latch and delatch. For a week, I had to dangle feed her (put her boob into her mouth from above when she is lying on the bed) it really worked for me. After a week, she went back to the cradle position again!

Original poster

willowsandroses · 27/02/2021 16:01

He’s never really latched and we haven’t had a breastfeed from the breast since he was a week or so.

Thanks

OP posts:

Pigriver · 27/02/2021 17:58

I had a very similar situation with my first and I just couldn't get him latched on. After a few weeks and visiting every group I stopped trying and pumped. I managed 8 weeks but like you said it was exhausting and I never really binded with baby as it was a constant cycle of pump, feed, change, sleep with not a minute to enjoy him. I also had constant blocked ducts and was in lots of pain. When I finally stopped it was a hard decision but I immediately felt better and was able to relax and bond with him

Draineddraineddrained · 27/02/2021 18:11

Can I ask the people who were pumping and then moved to FF how it freed up time? Pumping is causing me stress, but from reading the formula instructions on the pack I don't know how ff will save me time - seems I have to boil s kettle 30 mins before I need to feed, wait for it to cool, then mix the formula, fresh for each feed - I just can't conceive how I fit that into my life especially overnight. Am I missing a trick here? Or misinterpreting the instructions??

Draineddraineddrained · 27/02/2021 18:13

Whereas the pumping is happening when I can fit it in but can get 200-300ml in 20mins or so which sorts out s couple of feeds overnight - I just put it straight into sterilised bottles and feed one straight away then the next three hours later and that sees me through the night feeds...

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