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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Single people, how big is your house?

148 replies

PandoraRocks · 25/02/2021 00:25

Not being nosey just genuinely wondering if you are happy living in a house that convention dictates is too big for you.

This question was prompted by my DP who claims that my house is too big for me, I will lose money renovating it and I won't be able to afford to heat it. Apparently, a 2 bed bungalow would suit me better . What a cheek!

The house in question is inherited from my late parents and I've been living here for 3 years. Only heat a couple of rooms at present as it's electric heating. It has 3 bedrooms, a tiny box room, a lounge, kitchen, bathroom and garage. It is detached on a large plot of land. I may live here long term, I may sell it but surely that is up to ME. My parents weren't wealthy but worked damn hard all their lives and I know my mum wanted me to enjoy this place.
I don't have kids and don't cohabit.
This is my last chance to have a lovely house. Please don't tell me I should be unselfishly living in a flat so I can free up my house for a Millennial.
I also suspect my DP has his own motives for his ideas (backstory referred to elsewhere on Mnet).

For what it's worth, I'm self employed and need space. I also hope to entertain and have friends over once lockdown ends.
Do you think there is a societal expectation that single people should be happy with less?

OP posts:

MeowPurrGrr · 25/02/2021 09:31

I live alone, no kids, no partner just a cat! I have a 3 bed (although the third bedroom is very small and will eventually be a wardrobe room).
It’s a very old mid terrace house with a decent sized garden. I don’t feel it’s too big for me, before moving here I lived in a one bed place and it felt tiny! I like having space and I love the garden.

Pickledpenguin · 25/02/2021 09:35

3 bedroom, 2 bathroom semi detached here. I have a large bedroom with en suite, my one child had a large room and the bathroom and the third room is my office. Downstairs is a ridiculously big living room, then my dining room has a table and 6 chairs plus room for a couch and tv. My kitchen has enough space for everything plus an island and I have a utility room. I also have a sunroom to the back of my house which we have exercise equipment in but I guess you could use it as a conservatory or whatever. I plan to make the attic another room too. Too much space? Possibly but we love it.

partyatthepalace · 25/02/2021 09:42

Of course you aren't being unreasonable - you should live somewhere you like and enjoy it.

Your DP sounds worryingly controlling - don't give them an inch.

As for freeing up your home - we have a housing shortage because we have stupid limitations on building lobbied for by developers to keep housing prices high, combined with stupid rules around green belt (which is mostly contaminated low quality land not suitable for anything other than building). We need to build more houses, not chuck people out of their houses - the housing shortage is not yours to solve.

Wimpeyspread · 25/02/2021 09:45

Mine is a 3-bed mid terrace, shower room, through living/dining room and extended kitchen. It’s the first house I have bought JUST FOR ME and I intend to stay here until I am physically unable to. I have spent a fair amount on it, but because of the area it has risen in value just by not falling down. I had 20 years of marriage being told where we were going to live, thank you

ClarkeGriffin · 25/02/2021 09:47

@Sprockerdilerock

Hmmm I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet that so many family sized homes round my way are occupied by older couples/singletons whose children have flown the nest, while young families are squeezed into smaller places. Of course its rocketing house prices that is mostly to blame for this but it still doesn't sit right with me, especially now that our lovely fields are having to be concreted over to make room for more houses. I can't help but wonder if this could be scaled back if there was more fairness with the way housed are distributed between family types. Obviously its complete speculation and it's a free country so it's never going to happen! But it's not your problem to solve so I'd say fuck what other people think and enjoy every inch of your lovely home!

This is pretty much how I feel about it. We do have enough houses most likely, but with them not being distributed fairly, that's where the problem lies. Someone living by themselves in a 5 bedroom house while a family of 5 are shoved into a 2 bedroom flat is a big problem in this country. But it is a free country so people can do what they like.

Babdoc · 25/02/2021 09:48

4 bed 2 bath detached house in good sized garden. I’ve been here nearly 40 years, and raised my DDs here. All my memories of my much loved late DH are here. It’s my home, and I will only be leaving it in a box, to move 300 yards to the village graveyard!
My DDs and their partners love to come on visits, so I need their old bedrooms for that.
After working my socks off for 36 years as a hospital doctor, there is no way I will spend my retirement in a cramped flat, where there would be no room to shelve my house and attic full of books.

PPNC · 25/02/2021 09:51

Single but parent here, answer is large 4 bed with stables and pool, 4 reception rooms. But only because I moved somewhere no one wants to live and a family member had built it, I bought it for the same price as I sold my squished 3 (tiny) bed box in a major city!

A millennial would be bored shitless here.

Sod him and his judgement!

alfagirl73 · 25/02/2021 09:52

I have a 3 bed townhouse over 3 floors; the smallest bedroom is being turned into a dressing room... and I'm basically making it a fab house all for me! I work damn hard... I enjoy my space... and I HATE it when people suggest that single people should settle for a 1 or 2 bed flat (no criticism at all of anyone who prefers that - I just mean it should be a choice - not a limitation), and should never be able to enjoy a larger property.

Enjoy your house and do what you want to do for YOU - don't be dictated to by other people with ulterior motives. Unless they're paying for it, they have no say!

oakleaffy · 25/02/2021 09:55

3 bedroom Victorian house.

Frannyhy · 25/02/2021 10:01

Three bed, two bathroom house. When I haven’t got friends here, I rent my spare room on airbnb and have met some lovely people.

A neighbour told me that she thought that the discount on council tax for single people in larger properties than they need should be removed. I suspect this might happen at some point in the future.

AlwaysLatte · 25/02/2021 10:03

I had a 3-bed semi before I got married. It wasn't too big! One bedroom was knocked through to make a larger master bedroom, and the other was my office/spare room. The downstairs dining room was big enough to have a good family meal and I could put my piano there. I did downsize to a 2-bed - not to make more space but to live in a nicer village. I was there less than two years though as I met and married my husband! I would see your partner's fishing as a red flag as that sort of questioning could probably get worse.

oakleaffy · 25/02/2021 10:07

If a house is privately owned, there surely is nothing wring with it being owned by just one person?
Their marriage may have foundered, their DC at University, so they started out needing a bigger house, but find themselves ''Empty nesters''

Why on earth should they move?
If housing association or local authority, I can see that it would be more unfair, as the pressure on 'Affordable' housing is so great.

A single person should then move to a smaller place, as presumably housing association/council are heavily subsidised?

LunaHeather · 25/02/2021 10:09

OP I could easily live in such a house. Ignore him or anyone who criticises it, it's your choice. Enjoy.

FangsForTheMemory · 25/02/2021 10:11

Small terrace, about 35 years old. Two bedrooms. I bought a smaller house than I could have afforded because the location is fab and I didn’t want to have to heat or renovate somewhere bigger. I plan to let the tiny second bedroom because I need the money, not out of any sense of responsibility to other people. Your DP sounds like an arsehole. Also envious of you. Your home is your home.

naptune · 25/02/2021 10:12

2 bed flat and single mum of 2. Your bf is being very unreasonable

Lemuriformes · 25/02/2021 10:13

Large two bed flat here. But it's just gone on the market (anyone want a Central London pad?) and I'm planning to move out to where I can buy a house with a garden and at least three bedrooms - one for me, one for a study, one for guests). Yours sounds lovely OP.

mainsfed · 25/02/2021 10:13

I also suspect my DP has his own motives for his ideas (backstory referred to elsewhere on Mnet).

Please tell us more! Does he want you to sell up and give him money for his business?

Could you link to your other thread?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 25/02/2021 10:14

Single parent of 1, 3 bed semi.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 25/02/2021 10:14

I'm remarried and share with DH now, but I had a 3 bed mid-terrace that was MY house before. Not very big but pleasingly wonky and cottage-y (and Band A council tax ). All I could afford tbh - all of the flats in the town I lived in were posh and I couldn't stretch to it, or the service charge.

WeIcomeToGilead · 25/02/2021 10:17

Nobody’s business unless it’s a council or ha place where - yeah it would be a total pisstake given how many people are raising kids in bnbs

Tell him to fuck off

He sounds like an wnerging controller or a potential cocklodger

MsMarch · 25/02/2021 10:17

I live with DH and DC in a 4 bed semi-detached (4th bedroom is tiny though). But I won't lie, I've been known to fantasise about how I would use the space if it was just me living in the house (not that I want anything to happen to DH and the DC, of course, but honestly, this house would be sooooo perfect if it was just me)! . YAdefinitelyNBU to think your house is just fine for you!!

Incidentally, in my 20s, pre DH, I lived in a fairly large one bedroom flat and was perfectly happy.... at the time. But was fully aware that if I'd stayed single and eventually bought, I would have gone for something much bigger.

1moreglassplease · 25/02/2021 10:24

I live in a 3-bed mid-terrace which I've always lived alone in (bought in 1996). It needed extensive modernisation and when I was househunting it was the worst house but in the best area I could afford. I'm very happy here and have no intention of moving.

Over the years I've had a few comments from people but I like having space to have people to stay and a decent garden to sit in. I've paid for everything myself and am very proud of myself for doing so, so their opinions don't count.

Thanks to the house price insanity it would actually be impossible for me to buy this house now as a single person and I'm actually the only one on my road now. The rest are families or couples.

thebabessavedme · 25/02/2021 10:40

I think the question is 'are you happy on your home'?, if the answer is yes then stay right where you are, it is no one elses business how you live, or what amount of space you have, if you can afford it and are happy then crack on!

dh and I downsized from a large 4 bed house to a fantastic 2 bed apartment, we are very happy here, it serves our needs, is comfortable, sleek and very modern, cheap to run and no maintainance issues that we have to deal with, the main point being we are happy in our choice of home.

IAcceptCookies · 25/02/2021 10:51

I'm not sure why some people think that if a single person/couple move out of their privately owned, larger house there'll be a clamour of families desperate and able to buy it and move in.

This may be the case for LA housing, perhaps, and there is a reasonable argument for the appropriate allocation of that, but it's a different case for private housing.

My DS is single, lives alone and bought a three bed bungalow with detached workshop last year. He has a gaming room, and a music room! It was on the market for quite a while before he bought it, so I'm not sure quite whom he has deprived here.

As PPs have said, it is the lack of affordable housing that is the problem.

lastqueenofscotland · 25/02/2021 10:53

Before I met DP I had my current house a 2 bed semi. I could actually have done with a bit more space. I own a lot of crap

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