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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single people, how big is your house?

148 replies

PandoraRocks · 25/02/2021 00:25

Not being nosey just genuinely wondering if you are happy living in a house that convention dictates is too big for you.

This question was prompted by my DP who claims that my house is too big for me, I will lose money renovating it and I won't be able to afford to heat it. Apparently, a 2 bed bungalow would suit me better Confused. What a cheek!

The house in question is inherited from my late parents and I've been living here for 3 years. Only heat a couple of rooms at present as it's electric heating. It has 3 bedrooms, a tiny box room, a lounge, kitchen, bathroom and garage. It is detached on a large plot of land. I may live here long term, I may sell it but surely that is up to ME. My parents weren't wealthy but worked damn hard all their lives and I know my mum wanted me to enjoy this place.
I don't have kids and don't cohabit.
This is my last chance to have a lovely house. Please don't tell me I should be unselfishly living in a flat so I can free up my house for a Millennial.
I also suspect my DP has his own motives for his ideas (backstory referred to elsewhere on Mnet).

For what it's worth, I'm self employed and need space. I also hope to entertain and have friends over once lockdown ends.
Do you think there is a societal expectation that single people should be happy with less?

OP posts:
Lampan · 25/02/2021 03:45

It’s absolutely none of his business and I’d be questioning why he even has an opinion on it. Especially when the house belonged to your parents so has that significance too.
I think it’s nice to have space to have guests to stay in normal times. I also like the security of knowing that if times got tough financially there would be the option of taking in a lodger.

VictoriaLudorum · 25/02/2021 03:49

5 bed, 3 bath detached, former farmhouse on a long, thin plot of land. It is too big for just me and needs some work, but is brilliant during lockdown.

groovergirl · 25/02/2021 03:55

Your family home sounds lovely. I wonder if your DP is envious, or if he has ulterior financial motives. Whatever, it's not his business to even suggest what's best for you.

2 bed, 2 bath and study (as I WFH) and a private courtyard garden for me and teenage DD. My place is a bit dilapidated but I love it, and the neighbourhood too; it's perfect for us. In my block of 10 townhouses, six are owned by single people.

Nat6999 · 25/02/2021 04:08

I have a 2 bedroom social housing flat, there is just me & 17 year old ds. We are trying to get a 2 bed house or bungalow as I have mobility problems & need an adapted home.

Mintjulia · 25/02/2021 04:32

Yanbu.

I'm single with one DC. I bought an old 4 bed house because I like renovating houses. It fills the evenings I would otherwise spend with a partner. The house I bought had been on the market for 18 months with no offers so I was hardly denying a family their home. No-one else wanted it. When dc leaves home I will sell, realise some of the capital and move further from London.

Interesting that your dp pushes you to downsize. I had a dp for four years and he kept telling me to sell, buy somewhere smaller (but not move in with him!). He had a 4 bed house as well, but it was smaller than mine, with less garden. I even caught him meeting the council planning man in my garden to check whether my land could be sold off for a house plot. Odd that he hadn't bothered to discuss it with me first Hmm

I like my house, it's been hard work but worth it. It was leaky, cold and dirty. Now, after 10 years, it is a warm, bright renovated family home. I'm proud of it.

I think dp's ego couldn't deal with me having a home he perceived as better than his. Very petty and part of the reason we aren't together any more.

Pixxie7 · 25/02/2021 04:32

I have mixed views on this on one hand it makes sense to live in a home fit for your needs and yes there is a shortage of affordable housing with affordable being the operative word. So I can’t see how people would be better off by all buying smaller houses which in my view would make the housing shortage worse.
However I do think that there are a lot of elderly people who would like to down size but can’t due to a lack of smaller properties.

Whatapalavaa · 25/02/2021 06:05

3 bed terrace. Use all the space.

QueenoftheAir · 25/02/2021 07:13

Do you think there is a societal expectation that single people should be happy with less?

Yes, I do and it’s rubbish. I have a 4 bed house and I live in it. I use all the space and I live it. Why shouldn’t I? I’ve paid for it.

BrumBoo · 25/02/2021 07:19

You should be under no obligation to move/sell/whatever. Not sure what Millenials have to do with it though, I don't want your house, I have my own ta Hmm.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 25/02/2021 07:23

Compact flat with one large bedroom. Perfect size for me and still perfectly comfortable when my partner stays over. The decision not to move somewhere bigger was deliberate, as I am totally minimalist, don't collect bric-a-brac, ornaments, don't hang anything on the walls etc, it's all pointless clutter that adds nothing to the space, drives me up the wall, and would just make the place more difficult to keep clean and tidy. Same story for only having one bedroom. It totally pre-empts any ideas friends or relatives might get about staying over. Nope, plenty of hotels for that thanks Grin

PurpleRainDancer · 25/02/2021 07:24

@Sycamoretrees

May I be the first to tell you that your have a DP problem and not a house problem?
This
Cocopogo · 25/02/2021 07:25

I have downsized for this very reason but your DP needs to shut up!

Sprockerdilerock · 25/02/2021 07:35

Hmmm I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet that so many family sized homes round my way are occupied by older couples/singletons whose children have flown the nest, while young families are squeezed into smaller places. Of course its rocketing house prices that is mostly to blame for this but it still doesn't sit right with me, especially now that our lovely fields are having to be concreted over to make room for more houses. I can't help but wonder if this could be scaled back if there was more fairness with the way housed are distributed between family types. Obviously its complete speculation and it's a free country so it's never going to happen! But it's not your problem to solve so I'd say fuck what other people think and enjoy every inch of your lovely home!

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 25/02/2021 07:46

You live where you want to live. We are all different and all choose to live in different size homes. I am a family of 4 in a flat. No interest in buying a 'family size home' so don't feel that you are denying my family a bigger home. There will always be some who came that you have a moral reason to move. I doubt they are all that pious in all aspects of life themselves.

AnnaPotter · 25/02/2021 07:47

There’s nothing wrong with your house, but sounds like there’s a lot wrong with your partner...

StillGoingToWork · 25/02/2021 07:51

Ask your partner to do one. It's none of his business.

womaninatightspot · 25/02/2021 07:56

The only thing I would say is if it's an older building it's not terribly good for the house to be unheated in places as it can cause issues. That said I'd keep it; it sounds lovely maybe consider Airbnb or somesuch to offset the costs of running a larger house so you can afford to heat it properly. Also consider renewable heat. There are a lot of incentives at the moment.

Ileflottante · 25/02/2021 08:20

@PandoraRocks I’ve read your other thread. He doesn’t sound nice at all. He sounds jealous, threatened and suspicious and just a little controlling by trying to force you to do as he wants. Make him go away and enjoy your lovely house. I hope you can find some decent builders to sort it for you.

potatopot · 25/02/2021 09:04

I'm in a 3 bed terrace house which I bought myself. I bought partly as investment, partly because I didn't want to be in a flat any more and wanted a nice garden.

I thought I'd be 'rattling around' but really am not. In future years I'll downsize to a 2 bed house.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 25/02/2021 09:07

My friend has a 3 bed terrace. It's gorgeous.

Her bedroom, a spare room/dressing room (it has a sofa bed but she uses it as a dressing room when she hasn't got guests) and a small third bedroom which is an office. There's a cellar, which she uses as an overflow kitchen. Living room and dining room.

It's perfect for her.

Rewis · 25/02/2021 09:15

I live in a one bed flat and I'm happy with it. Peole can live where ever they want and how they want. Your partners reasoning is weird. Why would renovation loose you money if you live on your own in a big space compared to family of 4 living there? As for heating, I'm sure you know your own finances and if you can afford the place or not.

I don't really understand the purpose of the millennial jab.

Ratonastick · 25/02/2021 09:16

My lovely neighbour lives alone in a 4 bed barn conversion with a big garden. I’m pretty sure she’s divorced and now single and is child free. She’s done loads of work to the house and it’s absolutely beautiful and is now starting on the garden.

Pre pandemic she used to host lots of get togethers for friends and family and loved being able to do so. Her family come to stay and are adorable, her friends pour wine into us if they spot us over the fence. I know she can’t wait to have people to visit again. Her home is a reflection of her with no additional influence from a DH or DP or kids and she is clearly regarded as loved, loving and kind person (and by us too).

Frankly, the woman is like a pig in shit and more power to her!

Purplemist · 25/02/2021 09:18

I live in a three bed terraced house. It was my family's home and I am the only one left. I would love a two bed bungalow but it would cost twice as much (at least) than my house is worth. I have had the 'rattling about' comments but I just ignore them.
I will move when I want to and can afford it.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 25/02/2021 09:20

It’s a 3 bed semi. The third bedroom is a smaller “nursery sized” room but it could get a single bed in, just no wardrobe. Only one loo but otherwise good sized.

Maxellious · 25/02/2021 09:29

@Sprockerdilerock

Hmmm I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet that so many family sized homes round my way are occupied by older couples/singletons whose children have flown the nest, while young families are squeezed into smaller places. Of course its rocketing house prices that is mostly to blame for this but it still doesn't sit right with me, especially now that our lovely fields are having to be concreted over to make room for more houses. I can't help but wonder if this could be scaled back if there was more fairness with the way housed are distributed between family types. Obviously its complete speculation and it's a free country so it's never going to happen! But it's not your problem to solve so I'd say fuck what other people think and enjoy every inch of your lovely home!
This isn't the OP's problem though.

The problem with UK housing is that it's so small, with as many rooms crammed in as possible. So you end up with more bedrooms to get the required downstairs space. Eg around here most two beds only have one room downstairs as a kitchen, living, diner or a very poky seperate kitchen. As a single person who has an interest in cooking that's crap for me. So I only looked at 3/4 bed houses, which I was able to afford. The same style house also tends to have smaller gardens, which is another of my hobbies, so again a "family" home was a better fit. And so on and so on.

Perhaps builders should be building a higher percentage of family size homes if there is more demand for those? Although then you get the arguement that more houses need to be cheaper, which equals smaller...

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