To want our house back to ourselves?

[JaneBond0007]

DH thinks I’m an “ungrateful bitch” for feeling this way as his Dad has been staying with us the past 3 weeks to help us with moving house and doing work on the new house. He’s staying with us as although only loves 30 minutes away he doesn’t currently have a car.
The first 2 weeks we were still living in the old house and doing up the new one and since Sunday have been living in the new house (surrounded by boxes)
Our bed isn’t up yet as room full of boxes so first night I had to sleep on the floor in one of the kids rooms as FIL on our large sofa.

I feel like a stranger in my own home and don’t even feel I can go sit in the lounge and put what I want on telly. FIL isn’t the easiest person to get on with as he has ASD so doesnt have a lot of social awareness eg has the tv blaring all night etc and I don’t feel I can go down and ask him to turn it down.
I feel like it’s DH and FILs house and I’m just an in conciseness guest. It’s not helping that there’s boxes everywhere which is driving me crazy.

So am I an ungrateful bitch who should be prepared to have FIL here indefinitely or am I right in wanting to be able to relax and have some alone time with DH in the evenings?

Get the boxes out of your room and get the fecking bed set up, for a start. Isn't that the first thing most people would do?!

And re TV, just turn it down yourself. If he's that unaware, no need to pussy foot about.

Missing the point but, why don’t you just sleep on the bed mattresses on the floor?

I hate anyone in my house. Even when its a workman to fix something. Grateful as I am to have my boiler or plumbing sorted I dont feel comfortable until I have seen the back of them. I think many people feel like this when their personal space is "invaded".

@BrieAndChilli Did your husband actually call you a b ? That's verbal abuse, and not ok.

Your feelings are completely reasonable. When's he supposed to be going home?

@FlyingByTheSeatof

Urm this is an AIBU thread and the OP has asked a question which my comments, which are not unreasonable, have answered. If the OP was my DH then I would seriously be thinking about ending the relationship. In fact I already know I would be making plans.

Urm, no.

YANBU, OP. Can't you or your not so dear husband drive him? I feel like it's either that or no help, as it would be unfair to request he takes a bus 2 times a day just to help you.

Just take control fgs! Tell FIL the TV is too loud.

Make them put the bed up etc.

What work is going on?

How much work is your FIL doing?

Is he actually helping?

YANBU.
The FIRST thing that should have been set up is the beds, even if your master bedroom is in the throes of being decorated, set up sleeping arrangements for yourself!

Your FIL needs to be told that keeping the household awake with loud TV is not acceptable. If he wants to do that then he needs to be taken home by your DH.

Also, what ARE they doing if not unpacking boxes? I had friends help me move last move but one, and one of them stayed back to help me unpack the living room so I had at least one room that was clear to relax in! (and we did the bed, of course)

@User5768

I cannot believe anyone vote yabu

Family member has come over to work for free for us.

He's disabled and so i feel uncomfortable taking to him and want him gone.

Is fairly unreasonable position

It's nice of FIL to help, assuming he's actually helping, but that doesn't mean he's an easy guest, and even helpful guests can overstay their welcome, at some point.

I'd make it a priority to get the bed set up, as pp say. Start doing it yourself, if you can. Even if you don't know how, maybe you working on it will get them moving. At least unpack or move enough of the boxes so that it's possible to set up the bed today.

As an aside, I'd be ripping into my husband if he dared call me an ungrateful bitch.

If your husband's referring to you as an ungrateful bitch, I think your FiL is the least of your problems tbh.

Moving home 😳

very stressful ...

Gif I would have him mad by now! A night is more than enough - though my FIL is less of the problem, MIL would make me want to scream - drama about fuck all

You're but unreasonable at all - you want to settle into your
New home

This is a DH problem op. YANBU at all.

Its very good of him to help but I would only have expected your FIL to be staying overnight for a couple of days in the first place if he lives 30 mins away anyway. It's odd that he doesn't want to get back to his own home. Is he single? Does he not have a life of his own? Was he intrusive in your life before?

And if my husband once referred to me as a bitch our marriage would be over.

I’m mystified as to why you still have boxes everywhere and no beds after being there for a week

From what I can glean from the OP, you were out of the house for a fortnight so the tarting-up repairs could be done without people/boxes in the way. Now you’ve moved in with just unpacking to do and you’re still surrounded by boxes with no beds after a whole week? I echo posters by asking /is/ he actually helping? I’ve done two big house moves in the past few years and we were fully unpacked within 2-3 days both times, with beds up first (not the telly...)

Also agree with those saying your DH should be running him back and forth every day rather than making you sleep on the floor.

Why does he need to be with you for three weeks?

What is the doing is the beds NOT been made up?

I’ve moved house several times, that gets done first then curtains then everything else. Your house should be basically half decent after a week surely!

I’d be ripping into both of them tbh. It all hangs on weather fil is actually helping. If he is then grin and bear it, if not then I’d be driving him back to his house. Take control. Beds, food and washing are the first things to sort when moving. Pile the box’s up in front of the telly and get the bed up.

The suggestion moving yourself and daughter to fils house made me chuckle.

Get DH and FIL to assemble the beds ! Then FIL won't be sleeping on the sofa with the TV on and you'll all be comfortable.

As an ex army wife who has moved over 20 times, experience tells me that the beds go up first and everything else after that. Once you sleep comfortably, everything else runs more smoothly. And with three adults in the house, surely you can get your boxes opened and everything put away in a week ?

1. Arrange for DH to take FIL back home every night
2. Put the bed up.
3. Tell DH you won't take abuse and if he calls you names again all household duties will stop (cooking etc)

Where is DH sleeping BTW?

If the beds aren't even up and there are boxes everywhere, what have they been doing?

As PPs said, priority one is to get the beds set up.
Get that done 1st thing in the morning.

Do you have a girlfriend who would be willing to help unpack the boxes with you?

Have DH drive his DF home in the evening.

Why haven’t you built the beds and unpacked boxes after three weeks?

And no YANBU regarding the house guest out staying their welcome.

I think you're just stressed. A good night's sleep and some semblance of home in your house of boxes would make everything feel easier. I would find it hard in your position. But then my FIL would never help out with our house, or anything so at least I wouldn't have the ungrateful guilty feeling making the stress worse. (Just pure resentment towards him)

How much longer will he stay?

Go decamp to father in laws house and just tell everyone it’s been intense and you’re going to have a breather.

Or hire a car so fil can whizz back and forth between locations for a week.

What’s he actually doing to help? Ask him to build the beds as a priority today

Your dh sounds like a knob. Does he often speak to you like that?