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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to travel with DS as soon and as much as possible

72 replies

Alloutandreadytogo · 24/02/2021 20:36

We are a family of four and DS is 6 and has autism. At the moment he is, for the most part, very easy going, easy to take places and loves go out and visit new places.

I said to DH that over the next few years, whilst he is still small and has an easygoing personality, I think we should be travelling and giving him (and of course our other DC) as many experiences as possible.

The reasoning is that I worry that as he grows older, he may change, his personality and life may become more restrictive, as it is for many other children with autism and we may have missed our chance.

We all love to travel and have dreams of going on a few once in a lifetime trips. AIBU to think we should go now (after 2022!) Before we miss our chance to make these memories as a family?

OP posts:
Aloethere · 24/02/2021 20:38

I'm not sure why anyone would say going on holiday is unreasonable? Are there any reasons you think it would be?

JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 24/02/2021 20:38

Who is saying you shouldn’t?

MrBullinaChinaShop · 24/02/2021 20:39

Who thinks you are being unreasonable OP? Of course you can travel if you want to.

PracticingPerson · 24/02/2021 20:43

Too much travel is unreasonable, something like 15% of travellers take 75% of the flights. A lot of that travel is unreasonable - many of the business flights could be managed without.

A family holiday is not unreasonable, I haven't personally flown for well over a decade for environmental reasons, but I still don't get all Hmm at a regular family holiday.

Original poster
Alloutandreadytogo · 24/02/2021 20:47

No one has said I am being unreasonable but we have talked about taking the DC out of school for short periods of time, etc, which may be frowned upon but as I say, I feel it's now or never and DS learns far more from new experiences than he ever would at school.

OP posts:
JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 24/02/2021 20:49

Why do you need to take him out of school to go on holiday?

Wolfiefan · 24/02/2021 20:49

@Alloutandreadytogo I agreed totally until you said he would learn more on holiday than in school. Err. No. Or we would all spend the first 10 years of our life on holiday and skip all formal schooling. Don’t be ridiculous.
Have your holidays. But don’t kid yourself your child is missing nothing if you take them out of school.

Beketaten · 24/02/2021 20:50

I'm all for travel and new experiences, but it is unreasonable to take kids out of school. It has an impact not just on them, but on teachers and the other pupils.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2021 21:00

I know several people who've taken their children out for a year and travelled. One attending the most fantastic looking village school in Nepal, meditation and yoga as standard classes!

But missing random school isn't great, and you'll get fined.

JaywickCaravanOfLust · 24/02/2021 21:05

You might get fined yes.

But after this year I think schools would be on a hiding to nothing if they tried to assert that it's essential every child be in school every day.

Missing a couple of weeks of primary isn't a big deal. Book those holidays OP.

And I do get where you're coming from in feeling you have to do as much as you can while you can. Again, another thing we've all learned this year.

ShastaBeast · 24/02/2021 21:18

Aside from the school issue, you may not find he gets worse, it varies so much to know for sure. It has been harder for my DD at 10 to cope but not enough we can’t manage, and ok if we are careful and pick our battles.

The other aspect is travelling now will be less memorable than when older. I have lot of trips I want to take when they are old enough to engage and learn, which hasn’t happened yet.

Ponoka7 · 24/02/2021 21:22

My easy-going autistic child is now an easy going 22 year old. He might not change. My DD and lots of her peer group (who also never changed) have benefitted enormously from exposure to as much as possible and different experiences.

Original poster
Alloutandreadytogo · 24/02/2021 22:06

Thank you, everyone. That is good to hear other people's experiences.

When I say 'travel', I don't really mean going to sit on a beach in Tenerife type of 'holidays'. I really mean seeing the world, experiencing life, which my children, particularly DS benefit hugely from. For a child with autism, experiencing life is the most important education he could ever receive, so I would definitely not be worrying about missing a week or so of school.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 24/02/2021 22:14

Seeing the world is more important than reading or writing? Hmm

Porcupineintherough · 24/02/2021 22:17

And you can only do that in term time? Right-o! Does the world cease to exist in the 13 or so weeks schools are on holiday? Or is the travel experience invalidated by having to pay full price?

extentioncord · 24/02/2021 22:20

For a child with autism, experiencing life is the most important education he could ever receive, so I would definitely not be worrying about missing a week or so of school.

This is interesting. Why do you think your autistic child's most important education is going on holiday?

MrBullinaChinaShop · 24/02/2021 22:20

Seeing the world is fantastic, and can be done in the 13 weeks school holidays!

Original poster
Alloutandreadytogo · 24/02/2021 22:23

I'm not talking about going in term time. I just said if they missed a week or something, I wouldn't be put out. Blush

OP posts:
Moonstone1234 · 24/02/2021 22:23

Why do you want to go in term time?

MrBullinaChinaShop · 24/02/2021 22:25

@Alloutandreadytogo

I'm not talking about going in term time. I just said if they missed a week or something, I wouldn't be put out. Blush
Ok, well then I can’t really see what you’d be being unreasonable about? You want to take your child travelling, no one has objected to it... so go for it.
Original poster
Alloutandreadytogo · 24/02/2021 22:25

@Wolfiefan since when was school the only place that a child can learn to read and write? I think this past year has proven otherwise.

OP posts:
Bonnieonthelam · 24/02/2021 22:25

@Wolfiefan

Seeing the world is more important than reading or writing? Hmm
You can bloody see the world whilst learning to read and write. My late aunt, was widowed young with two young children 3 and 6 at the time. She had the cash, had an itch to travel, and removed the kids from school for two years to travel the world (against her parents and in-laws wishes). Those kids are 31 and 34 now, one works for the UN PhD law (Geneva) earning a lot, and the other is a kindergarten teacher in Copenhagen. I remember they had lived in some really random places and my aunt was the teacher. They fitted back in at school and from what I remember were so dynamic, their emotional intelligence was very high. I remember being v jealous, seeing postcards from them from all over the world.

For the record I attended primary secondary college and uni and still earn less than them. So go figure!

Bonnieonthelam · 24/02/2021 22:26

[quote Alloutandreadytogo]@Wolfiefan since when was school the only place that a child can learn to read and write? I think this past year has proven otherwise.[/quote]
Totally!

Bonnieonthelam · 24/02/2021 22:27

I get the feeling OP isn’t talking about a holiday...

MrBullinaChinaShop · 24/02/2021 22:28

@Bonnieonthelam

I get the feeling OP isn’t talking about a holiday...
She’s talking about travelling. Doesn’t really change anything though. She wants to take her child travelling. I assume she has the means to do so. No one has objected. So what’s the AIBU? Go for it OP.