Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horsey AIBU - replacement of something my horse destroyed

68 replies

TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 05:44

I’ll try and keep this short!

My horse (M) is out in a little herd of 3. He is quite playful and likes to try and dominate one of them, but equally he comes in with bite marks etc too. Not a problem (unless it gets worse) - they are horses.

One of his field mates (A) has, since the warmer weather, had to wear a special rug as he’s affected by insect bites. It’s like a Lycra material and not very robust or waterproof. It comes in 2 parts - a body and a neck.

Yesterday he came in having had the body taken off him and left destroyed in a puddle. I’m pretty sure it would have been my horse who did that but there is no evidence. I have offered to the owner that I replace said rug with something that still offers the same protection from the insects, but is more robust and suitable for turnout (also more suitable for going out with my horse).

This is likely to cost me as much as replacing the original like for like, in fact it will be more than its value as it wasn’t brand new when she bought it. There are none of her actual rug in stock until April so even if I wanted to buy one I couldn’t, but I don’t want to have to keep replacing something, especially with no evidence.

I’ve asked that she think about it and find one more suitable, but she isn’t having any of it. Having done some research last night people don’t tend to turn horses out with others in the rug she has, so it’s common knowledge that they aren’t very robust.

YABU - I should replace it with the same thing
YANBU - I should replace it with something more suitable for turnout with my horse

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 24/02/2021 05:48

It's a nice gesture but you can't be certain it was your horse and if they are known for not being very robust, it wouldn't have been suitable unless the horse was by itself to rule out other mischievous horses!

Wigglegiggle0520 · 24/02/2021 05:50

I’d give her the money to the value of the destroyed rug and explain that you won’t be forking out again.
It’s out of your control and not your responsibility now she’s aware it can happen.
It’s up to her to resolve it and find something suitable.

NewYearNewTwatName · 24/02/2021 06:05

it's an age old problem, with horses that are rug rippers. I have yet to find a person who owns a horse who is a rug ripper to pay for other people's new rugs.

it is incredibly frustrating and annoying and expensive for the owners of horses who's rugs are getting damaged.

The fact you are offering to buy another rug is very good of you and usual!

It depends on whether the rug you are purposing on buying is designed for this horses particular problem, there are all sorts of different fly sheets, sweetitch, and midge rugs. So maybe she needs a rug that specific to the horses problem?

But also you could be setting a very expensive precedent for yourself, by offering to pay for one in the first place.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/02/2021 06:09

So if they’re not very robust, could the horse effectively have rubbed against a fence post, ripped it and then it eventually fell off in a random place in the field? Could vile humans pulled if off for fun? It may be more likely that your horse did it. But there is no evidence unless you say something to the contrary. This person sounds like a moron and if you 100% take responsibility, you’re going to be held to ransom each time the rug is ruined.

Is the rug that you offered yours? If it is suitable, I’d give her the choice of the rug or the amount she paid for the second hand rug. Not new for old.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/02/2021 06:11

Oh and I’d say this is a one off. Goodwill gesture. But as she cannot prove it is your horse, you won’t be forking out again.

Original poster
TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 06:15

Thanks - quick reply before I go to the stables!

It was a sweet itch rug so specific to the problem, but there are more robust sweet itch rugs out there and I said to her that in the absence of evidence I will only replace it once.

I knew that she was going to be difficult about this as she told me in December when I moved in that her horse wears these rugs in the summer and they couldn’t be ripped. She was a bit threatening actually.

I think you’re right - give her the money and be done with it. They are £99 new and this was old and definitely second hand so I’ll give her £50-60, then she can get what she likes but I won’t be paying again.

She has told the yard owner (I don’t know why at this stage as we are DIY liveries and this is a problem between us) and told everyone else about it and showed them the ripped rug before she came to me, I think she wanted people to tell her that I should replace it. She also wants my horse to be separated from hers. She has form for being awkward and it’s quite tempting to go onto individual turnout because then at least I wouldn’t have to deal with her.

Thanks again

OP posts:
Original poster
TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 06:18

@Mummyoflittledragon no it’s not my rug. The field is pretty safe so I’m 90% sure it was my horse. The evidence thing could be difficult as well, as she is the type to spend hours in the field waiting for my horse to rip her horse’s rug off so she can film it. Also she’s not always working so she has time to.

OP posts:
NewYearNewTwatName · 24/02/2021 06:22

oh dear OP we all know them, there is always a person on any yard that can be awkward and a pain in the arse.

Nobranothanks · 24/02/2021 06:38

People like that are the reason I hate yards!

I think your suggestion is perfectly fair. If she's adamant about using the particular rug that isn't very robust she should be in individual turnout, not you. Sadly horses wreck rugs.... Sometimes in really bizarre ways! I took one in a few years ago, turned her out in a rug, went to go and get her in to find her rug less and the rug in heap On the floor in the mud...... With every single strap still done up. She's done it a couple of times since and I have no idea how!! (the rug is fitted properly)

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/02/2021 06:47

Well isn’t she a peach? It sounds more like she should separate her horse or agree to replace it with something more suitable to turn it out with other horses. She seems to want a fight, doesn’t she? Your horse being the likely rug ripper gives her the potential opportunity to have a fight repeatedly. Having a damaged rug in a field is a risk to your horse as well as hers I would have thought is a potential trip risk for starters and she sounds like an idiot.

Piglet89 · 24/02/2021 06:51

I don’t know anything about horses. Desperately wanted one as a little girl but had to make do with my granda’s goat.

However, thank you for teaching me the meaning of the verb “to turn out” and the noun “turnout”!

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 24/02/2021 06:54

She should put her horse on individual turnout if she doesn't like the fact that sometimes horses cause damage to stuff. Why should your horse be moved if he's happy? I bet she would still find her precious rug gets ripped or otherwise damaged.

I think you've been incredibly reasonable offering to pay for it and i certainly wouldn't be paying anymore.

Foresttheout · 24/02/2021 07:07

Every yard has one person determined to cause drama, you are being very reasonable offering to pay for it once. If she won't accept that horses damage things then it is her who should move to individual turnout not you and as pp says she will probably find the rug still gets damaged easily.
Offer to pay but make it very clear you will only be doing so this once and that if she has a problem with the fact things get broken when horses interact with one and other she should move to individual turn out as you will not be paying again.
I'm assuming her horse joins in the fun and isn't just standing there while your horse rips off his rug

Notjustanymum · 24/02/2021 07:09

I voted YABU, but only because you shouldn’t be replacing it at all. Horses can’t be trained not to have a pecking order and therefore she should have insurance for replacement of turning out rugs (and purchase more robust ones, too) or pay more to turn her horse out in its own field...

BrideofBideford · 24/02/2021 07:15

Yes do not replace at all

She can choose individual turnout instead

She can’t prove it was your horse

She will now expect you to keep buying new ones!

You cannot win with people like this. She will take your money and expect you to fork out again next time too

Sarahlou63 · 24/02/2021 07:19

Notwithstanding the rug, the horses should be separated. A ruined specialist rug is annoying, a broken leg or other serious injury is devastating and a 'playfully dominant' horse is a PITA.

sproutsnbacon · 24/02/2021 07:28

She should go to individual turnout.
My horse was in a field on her own and numerous times I found her with the rug in a heap in the middle of the field. The field could be seen from the house. I worked from home. Never saw how she did it.

Original poster
TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 17:53

@Piglet89

I don’t know anything about horses. Desperately wanted one as a little girl but had to make do with my granda’s goat.

However, thank you for teaching me the meaning of the verb “to turn out” and the noun “turnout”!

Ahh my pleasure! At the other yard where I keep my retired horse the owner has a couple of goats, I love them!
OP posts:
Original poster
TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 17:56

@sproutsnbacon

She should go to individual turnout. My horse was in a field on her own and numerous times I found her with the rug in a heap in the middle of the field. The field could be seen from the house. I worked from home. Never saw how she did it.
I take your point, however my horse isn't that bad at all, there haven't been any injuries and this horse has also had a little go at him in the past. My horse has joint issues and so I wouldn't have him in a field with others if I thought the risk outweighed the benefit of company; he is only out with two others and the majority of time is fine, no complaints from the other owners either.
OP posts:
Original poster
TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 18:07

Thank you all for the replies - sorry for delay it's been a busy day.

The awkward owner was all sweetness and light this morning, clearly she'd had some time to think about it and come to her senses. I've offered to give her some money (she doesn't know it's going to be £60 rather than £99 which is the value of a new rug, but I think more than half the value for an old rug is fair) but said I'd only do it once so she can get what she likes, and she is going to buy something to spray on the rug to deter biting. If it happens again then her horse will be separated for the summer when he has to wear these rugs.

The yard owner is not getting involved and said I'm being very generous in giving her anything at all.

This woman has form for being difficult, getting hysterical and then coming to her senses and being ridiculously nice. It's happened several times since I moved to the yard in early December, all over rather inconsequential things (another horse breaking the fencing without serious consequence, me deciding not to turn my horse out when the ground was frozen solid so her horse couldn't go out for a few days) and she's just a bit of an attention seeker I think. It bothers me less each time, and hopefully as she realises she's only going to get a sensible reaction, rather than me pandering to her, she will calm down a bit.

OP posts:
Snowymcsnowsony · 24/02/2021 18:11

Personally I would have told her your horse has been told off and has promised not to do it again...

Original poster
TashieWoo · 24/02/2021 19:57

@Snowymcsnowsony 🤣 sounds about right... when it comes to money she’s ruthless though

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 24/02/2021 20:05

I think you are way too generous , if she’s that precious she needs to find a yard with individual turnout . I know you say your horse has form for being a bit of a git but it could have been anything . Our pony is 28 this year and we’ve owned her since she was 6 , this year is the first time she has destroyed a rug .

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 24/02/2021 20:11

I'd move my horse away from hers in a seperate turnout, that way when hers comes in with another ripped up rug, everyone will know it wasn't your horse. It could have happened in many different ways.
My friends horse should be called houdini for the way he gets out of rugs and ruins them.

SpudsandGravy · 24/02/2021 20:17

She sounds like a pain in the neck, OP.

You said you're considering individual turnout. I'd do that, if I were you, just to get away from what sounds as though it will be a continuing hassle with this woman.

I also think it would be quite generous for you to offer to pay half the the cost of replacing the rug. Although you feel it's quite likely that your horse did the damage you can't be sure, so offering 50% seems generous to me. If she feels very strongly about using that kind of rug in the future then maybe she needs to look into adjusting her insurance.

I hope you get it sorted.