To think that people don't know how to apologise?

[Ilovelove]

So I got thinking about this because of:

1. Was sat on a bench in a park and a tennis ball flew out of nowhere and smacked my 7 yo son in the face. Look across at tennis courts and two 20 year guys start to laugh. One comes over and makes a shitty remark about not knowing his serve was so strong.

No apology. No can I buy him an ice cream. I am sort of shocked because I have a child in hysterics and happily there was no blood and it was okay, but it could have been so much worse.

1. Sat on another bench today. When this friendly looking dog comes over sniffing about. Then cocks its leg on and starts to wee. It is only my lightening quick response that means I leap out the way and don't get dog piss on my leg.

The owner doesn't say sorry - even just for disturbing me.

AIBU to I think that people are just so crap at taking responsibility and saying sorry.

Maybe its fear, maybe its immaturity, maybe its ego.

What are your stories of people not saying sorry (when really it would have meant a lot)?

Wow!!! That’s terrible. What horrible people!! I tend to over apologise I suppose. What gets me annoyed is the lack of a polite ‘thank you’!!!

Thanks for the understanding - I thought it was really off too.

I think I over apologise too - so maybe that's why it gets my goat so much.

I would have told both of them what f***g idiots they were. Especially the tennis player

This is one of my pet hates. Along with people who can't admit they are wrong.

I think it is that people don't take responsibility for their actions as often as they used to. There's always an excuse.

It’s because some (I don’t want to say most but more than a few) people are arseholes and they don’t care.

I agree with you OP and pp I would have told the tennis players they were idiots, what a pair of tossers.

You just have to read threads here with posters putting blame on others in situations where they were clearly in the wrong.

It drives me mad. It's ok to say 'sorry I was wrong'. It's actually quite liberating.

I think it is linked with the practice of businesses telling staff not to say sorry/admit liability. If people get used to worming their way out at work (i.e. being actively encouraged to avoid admittance of guilt) then it will get carried into daily life and affect manners.

Wow that sounds really rude, OP YADNBU!!

A dog weed on my leg once, it belonged to someone I knew, and they were absolutely mortified and offered to buy me a new pair of trousers.

I feel like I'm turning into a grumpy old woman about manners. I was walking up the hill (pavement) on a walk recently and a toddler on a balance bike was coming downhill. As they were very young, naturally their steering was not great so I walked in the road to avoid collision. Parent/gp were about 10 metres behind and didnt even acknowledge me.
Also when running, I'm constantly going into the road when walkers are unwilling/unable to walk single file (or even 2 abreast instead of 4 abreast) for a few metres to pass but that is rarely acknowledged either.

Some people are arseholes. Other people have negative experiences of being judged overly harshly for misdemeanours in childhood and therefore feel they're putting themselves at risk by admitting mistakes. Others still have pressing temporary preoccupations. But yeah some are arseholes. Most of the time especially with fleeting encounters you can't tell which is which.

Years ago, I was in a department store before Christmas, and a boy of around 10/11 and his dad were mucking around chucking some kind of beanbag toys at each other. Mildly irritating, but no big deal. I was looking at something else, probably about 2m away from them, and suddenly, the boy missed his aim and lopped the fucking beanbag straight at at my head. It actually really hurt.

To my surprise, instead of apologising, the Dad just said "Oh Daniel..." in a kind of "you idiot" tone, and the boy started sniggering.

I was quiet for a moment, still a bit shocked. Then I decided that I wasn't going to let them get away with it, so I went over to the Dad and said "Sorry, but did you not notice that your son just threw something at my head?" He looked surprised and muttered something about it having been an accident. I said that I had been expecting an apology. I got a pretty poor mumbled attempt from the boy, nothing from the Dad and so I stomped off suggesting that they should try to be more careful in future. I then spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about all the things that I should have said yup the feckless father in order to make my point more clearly, but sadly, it was too late.

Some people are just rude!

Mine was at a restaurant I was at for an anniversary meal. We had just poured a glass of wine each. When the waiter brought our main courses over, he knocked my glass of wine over AND the bottle of red wine in one clumsy move. It went all in my lap, made particularly bad as I was in a corner seat and the liquid pooled there and I couldn't easily jump up and out.

They gave me a manky dishcloth to clean myself up and we had to move tables, me with my soaking red wine stained dress. It was quite embarrassing in a crowded restaurant as it drew attention.

As recompense I was expecting a free meal or a replacement bottle of wine, at least. No - they came back with a meagre two glasses of wine. It really pissed me off that they measured it out like that. We had not only lost most of the bottle, it had gone all over me! They owed me so much more.

We hastily ate our mains and decided to go elsewhere for dessert - we had to ask them to take the 12.5% tip off the bill and they made it clear they weren't happy to do that (though they did). Absolutely shite service especially for a Saturday night in Covent Garden!

On Monday I complained to their manager and they covered the cost of my dry cleaning bill - absolutely pathetic that I even had to ask.

I thought it was a typically british thing that people apologise even when something is not their fault. Once DH and I were doing completely separate things in London but I ended up in the same shop as him. He didnt see me so I walked into him from behind, knowing he would be mortified, and he turned round apologising profusely until he saw it was me and started laughing!!

I hurt my ankle recently and am only just out of a boot. Went for a walk down the road to test it out, with an obvious limp and a little kid rammed his trike right into my bad ankle. I shouted out in pain and his mum gave ME a funny look. I wanted to kick her and her stupid child but unfortunately I've only got one good leg.

I thought it was a typically british thing that people apologise even when something is not their fault
You do get both extremes!

I work with someone who seems incapable of admitting she makes mistakes, ever. She never apologises. It's unpleasant and I avoid her as much as I can.
What's so bad about offering an apology?

That's adding insult to injury isn't when the people look at you when they are the one's who are responsible.

And that happens in these situations.

Does anyone have any brilliant come backs we can put up our sleeves for such situations?

Because what I don't get is why when we ask for reasonable compensation (red wine on a dress) or an apology (err Daniel and his dad) - we feel as if somehow we are being unreasonable - when we are not?

@Exhausteddog I once kicked a man up the bum going down the stairs at Moorgate tube station. He paused and I didn't slow down in time and my boot made contact with his arse cheeks. I was mortified but he turned around and apologised to me. How very English I thought!

However some people just don't/won't apologise. In some its ignorance/bad manners like now acknowledging when you've walked int the road to let them come past. I have taken to saying loudly "you're welcome!" or if I spot repeat offenders I don't move for them any more, just barrel past in the same manner.

In others there seems to be a belief that apology/admission of wrongdoing makes them look weak. Well, no, if you are obviously in the wrong then refusing to acknowledge that just makes you look like a self important twat.

Many years ago I was on a busy shopping street when an older woman dropped her purse. I picked it up and ran after her. She just took it from me and didn't even look at me let alone say thank you. Some people are just pig ignorant.

The worst is "I'm sorry you feel that way"

That's not an apology at all.

I would’ve simply said “are you going to apologise then?” to the tennis players. Why didn’t you say something?

The dog Walker, seeing as it didn’t actually pee on you would’ve got a “tut” and a filthy look!

That’s shocking! Hope your poor boy is ok.

I am approaching the age when I will wear purple. I have taken to being a bit loud and uncompromising, ish.

I had a squishy ball hit me in a park, I cried out in pain, muttered "fuck that hurt" and glared at the group who had thrown it. Two apologised quite profusely, one sniggered. I asked him what he thought was funny, was it the sight of the ball hitting me or knowing it had fucking hurt? He looked sheepish and the other two apologised again!

I may have to teach my dog to growl!!

I quite like the idea if being a grumpy old woman!

I've taken to shouting "you're welcome" to people (usually cyclists or joggers who don't say thank you", and "don't worry, its fine" to people (using phone zombies when they crash into you) when they don't apologise. I'm going to get punched one of these days
Sorry your little boy got hurt.