To ask how you handle backchat in 6yo's? Parenting help please

[GlitteryFluff]

Ds is 6.

His attitude/ back chat is awful. I get so frustrated and cross. Every time I ask him something it's eye roll, huffs, has an answer for everything. You tell him not to do something, he does it again straight away. You say you've done it again, and he's adamant he didn't or it was an accident. You say it wasn't, he says it was, it goes on. Obviously I stop in the end, otherwise we're just arguing. You ask him to do something, he ignores you. You ask again, he ignores you. You start to raise your voice and you get a growl of 'for gods sake I'm doing it!! Yet wasn't doing it and still isn't doing it. He won't accept he's wrong ever, and won't just apologise and make it right. He makes it worse by upping the stroppy, rude, attitude which then makes me even more cross. I shout. I storm out the room. My behaviour becomes unacceptable. I feel like I've failed and I don't know how to fix things.

How the hell do you deal with disrespect, rudeness etc. I was expecting it in teenage years but not yet. Not at 6. I wouldn't have dreamt of speaking to my parents like he does.
But then I know I don't help things because I get annoyed and frustrated. How do you keep calm? How do you diffuse thing? How do you get them to show respect and not be rude or argue back? I just feel like it's spiralling out of control.

Obviously I need to work on how I deal with things and am also going to limit tablet time to 30 mins in the evening if his behaviour has been good in the day but any help or advice would be much appreciated in how I can handle things better and also any tactics to get him to behave better.

Thank you

My kids adored computer games from an early age and discipline was based on earning or losing the ‘Privilege’ of playing. I’m naturally a calm. Non-shouty person which helps and I think my kids were naturally fairly well behaved and calm kids but the threat of losing computer time made them easy to discipline. They had a base of 1 hour a day and if they were naughty I’d usually give a warning and then they would lose time. If they complained they would lose more time.

They also had to turn off their computer when I said so. Any complaints meant they lost the computer for the next day and any further complaint would mean they lost it for the week. I was very consistent and calm.
I never ever had to take the computer off any of them for the week. They knew I wasn’t joking.

I also praised the, a lot when they were good and did plenty of role play type conversations with them. I tried to get them to work out how to deal with situations themselves.

I think losing your temper with them is a really bad plan. You also have to model good behaviour yourself ie no road rage, being polite etc etc

BTW. It’s a great update OP. Hope his good behaviour continues.

I used to use the step for my older two. It was a time out nearby for anything really. But since I’ve got into positive parenting more seriously, I won’t be doing that with my youngest. Wish I hadn’t with the older two now. Although they’ve turned out well!

No shouting. No threats. No bribes or rewards. Seems to be working well on mine so far.

That's great news OP!

Same way you do a toddler, put him on the step and confiscate stuff if they misbehave there. Every time.

I think with kids if you start a strategy stick to it. We often forget when they are nice what they were like before and strategies slip.