Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would a little common decency have hurt?

549 replies

Weezapleeza · 22/02/2021 17:10

My nephew lost control of his R/C car and it went into the road. A few seconds later a woman in a Discovery ran right over it but apparently without batting an eyelid. She didn't slow down or stop either before or after. It was like she'd just flattened it in passing. Then the acknowledgement came. A couple of minutes later she pulled up outside the drive, wound down her window, and asked him the most incredible question. "Did you enjoy that?" She was furious, and rude, and he was in tears. That seemed to give her an answer but all she did then was drive off again. No apology, nothing. AIBU to expect better?

OP posts:
BobbidyBob · 22/02/2021 18:52

Really honestly - what did you expect her to do? Come to a full stop in the road? Try to swerve/drive round it, possibly crossing the centre line? And how quickly would she really have had to react to do that? None of those are safe moves unless she had plenty of time to check for other road hazards. You say the RC car was stationary for a few seconds, but a few seconds isn’t long enough to make any of those choices safely, for the sake of a toy.

I think you know this, though - which is why you say you see her point but don’t like it.

As for her question, I reckon as she drove away she was probably thinking WTF, and trying to make sense of the fact that a toy was stationary in the middle of her path. It’s not unreasonable to conclude that it was intentional, and to feel pretty angry about that. She was probably fizzing mad before she even got to your nephew, and seeing him crying wasn’t enough to dispel that. Especially since you weren’t very quick to apologise.

YABU.

JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 22/02/2021 18:52

No I just think it's completely odd that anyone would feel a driver should replace a toy in this situation, love

I did say a driver should. I said what I would do. You don’t have to agree. Not sure why you’re “love” ing me? Confused sounds a bit aggy.

HavelockVetinari · 22/02/2021 18:53

@HeddaGarbled

She was probably shocked - I would have been.
This. Not her finest hour, but she was probably really shaken up - as PPs have said, it could've caused an accident if a driver tried to automatically swerve to avoid hitting it.
JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 22/02/2021 18:53

I didnt say a driver should

MsHedgehog · 22/02/2021 18:54

He's 12?!! You make it sound like he's a 5 year old!

Yeah you are both MASSIVELY in the wrong, and a 12 year old would know the car should not be in the road. Sounds like it's very possible he did it on purpose.

Twinkie01 · 22/02/2021 18:55

I wouldn't swerve to avoid a cat let alone a remote control car 🤷🏻‍♀️. You're very lucky he didn't run out after it.

Cpl1586407 · 22/02/2021 18:55

Omg he could have caused an accident with the toy car, what if she'd stopped suddenly and someone was behind her? What if it was a bike they could have really hurt themselves.

Hope your DN can learn a lesson from this, it's really fortunate no one was hurt.

WhoStoleMyCheese · 22/02/2021 18:55

YABU to expect an apology from her. Anything gone out into the road is considered gone. Your nephew could've lost his life if he'd run out after her!
YANBU to not have expected her to be so rude. She shoudln't have returned to the house... or if she did she should've been angry at you and not the child.

WhoStoleMyCheese · 22/02/2021 18:56

Also you're only replying to the posters who agreed with you.. you know the answer but don't like it.

tigger1001 · 22/02/2021 18:57

At 12 he should know better. I can totally understand her reaction thinking he did it deliberately. She would have got a fright and rea

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/02/2021 18:57

@Weezapleeza

Lots of questions

I do drive. That's what I felt unsure as to the level to which a conscious decision was made. I did find myself wondering if she was on a phone or something. But I admit that I have no idea how it was for her and how much time she actually had or even if she made a very sound decision based on the actual road rules. I did work on the principle that she saw it and still quite deliberately ran it over while then just carrying on along regardless. That clearly wasn't true.

It did make quite a crunch. I can see that from both sides.

It was a bit of a while before she came back. I think she must have had time to think and get cross or think it through and then turn round. To be fair, maybe she was a bit nervous.

I guess there's the possibility that he did do it on purpose, in which case there's a lot of people he needs to answer to including me, as I bought the car.

I was upset because he was upset.

Maybe my supervision wasn't that special. It was more me being out there. But that's the bit that makes me think him doing it on purpose right in front of me is unlikely.

I did think she made quite an assumption. I totally see the problem with my own part nonetheless. If we had the time again, then I wouldn't allow this to happen at least not where I could stop it. As a driver I admit to being pretty unhappy about skateboards and stuff.

I kind of knew she had a point. I don't think I liked her making it.

"I did find myself wondering if she was on a phone or something." You really are clutching at straws to deflect the blame onto her, aren't you? Especially as you now concede that "I guess there's the possibility that he did do it on purpose".
Original poster
Weezapleeza · 22/02/2021 18:59

@WhoStoleMyCheese

YABU to expect an apology from her. Anything gone out into the road is considered gone. Your nephew could've lost his life if he'd run out after her! YANBU to not have expected her to be so rude. She shoudln't have returned to the house... or if she did she should've been angry at you and not the child.
That's about where I am.
OP posts:
suspiria777 · 22/02/2021 18:59

@UrAWizHarry

A plastic r/c car is not going to damage an actual real car.

Yes, letting it go in the road is not idea but any adult reducing a kid to tears in that way is a prize cunt.

it could cause a cyclist some real problems, though.
WhoStoleMyCheese · 22/02/2021 19:00

Alright sorry didn't RTFT... looks like OP is well aware that the fault was on her side... no need for the pile on

ArcheryAnnie · 22/02/2021 19:00

@HeddaGarbled

She was probably shocked - I would have been.
Yes, this. I'd have been worried what my car bumped over, if I was the driver, and horrified by the possibilities of a kid rushing into the road after it.

I am not usually on the side of car drivers, but I am in this case.

YABU.

SpeakingFranglais · 22/02/2021 19:02

Would you rather she slammed her breaks on, skidded and ran you both over?

nimbuscloud · 22/02/2021 19:02

looks like OP is well aware that the fault was on her side... no need for the pile on

No, she still thinks the driver was at fault for being rude and mean.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 22/02/2021 19:03

A plastic r/c car is not going to damage an actual real car

What if she had swerved to avoid it? when you are driving, swerving to miss obstacles is a primal, natural instinct and in the split second of the moment its very possible this could have caused a serious accident. Its all very well saying oh its fine, but its not. This is how accidents happen and it leaves you feeling quite shaken up to think you were in the car and almost had an accident. We have no idea what this person has experienced before- she may have been in a serious accident before and this is a trigger for her. If you play beside the bloody road and it goes into the road thats on YOU not the motorist.

crazycatgal · 22/02/2021 19:04

YABU and you know that. That's why you didn't say that he was 12 years old in your OP.

Fluffien · 22/02/2021 19:06

She shouldnt have been rude, but he isn't a small child, he is 12, he should know better. Hopefully he will think next time and be careful.

MsTSwift · 22/02/2021 19:09

The truly hilariously bonkers response that the poster would buy the kid a new toy is too funny. Utter virtue signalling!

everythingisstillginandroses · 22/02/2021 19:10

When I was in my early 20s (and thus invincible) I stepped out between two parked cars on a narrow street and was almost struck by a car I had neither seen nor heard coming. The driver was hysterical, shouting "Stupid, stupid" and banging her steering wheel. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away, thinking only that I stood to come off a lot worse than she did. Afterwards it occurred to me that she'd been in shock and I felt bad Blush

PrtScn · 22/02/2021 19:10

@luxxlisbon

"But it was stationery for a good few seconds before she completely squashed it so it all looked a bit casual."

What exactly were you expecting, someone to swerve off the road or slam on the breaks with no regard for themselves or any other cars following behind them because there was a toy car in the road?

The fact that you were there watching him play with the car on the road the whole time is even worse!

If it was stationary for a good few seconds and the driver was paying attention then there is no way she would have run over it accidentally unless she was driving like a twat. She probably saw it, thought he did it deliberately so deliberately run it over. Why else would she say “did you enjoy that” to a child? Shocked or not.
lobsteroll · 22/02/2021 19:12

I would be furious and really shaken if I was the driver.

What if she's swerved out of instinct and hurt someone or herself? There is absolutely no need to play with a remote control car by a road.

If I was you I would have been apologising profusely to the woman; not judging her choice of car.

I'm sure your nephew was really shaken by it all and sounds like she gave him a fright with her reaction but it's probably a lesson learned for a 12 year old and I'm sure he'll be much more careful from now on.

Haveyouallgonequitemad · 22/02/2021 19:13

What an absolute nasty bitch. So what if child was playing near road where he probably shouldn't thats what they do he could have been told off no need to flatten his toy and then gloat and bitch about it. I get she may not have been able to stop but to come back and do that she is no better than cruella de ville I would have taken her number plate and probably screamed at her and possibly kicked her car evil witch