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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would a little common decency have hurt?

549 replies

Weezapleeza · 22/02/2021 17:10

My nephew lost control of his R/C car and it went into the road. A few seconds later a woman in a Discovery ran right over it but apparently without batting an eyelid. She didn't slow down or stop either before or after. It was like she'd just flattened it in passing. Then the acknowledgement came. A couple of minutes later she pulled up outside the drive, wound down her window, and asked him the most incredible question. "Did you enjoy that?" She was furious, and rude, and he was in tears. That seemed to give her an answer but all she did then was drive off again. No apology, nothing. AIBU to expect better?

OP posts:

Baggingarea · 22/02/2021 18:20

You are both being unreasonable.

Not defending the lady's behaviour (she should know better) but her comment sounds like she thought your nephew did it on purpose.

To be fair to her she doesn't know him and probably got a fright seeing something fly out in front of her.

Bit silly and unsafe playing next to a road op.

LowlandLucky · 22/02/2021 18:20

I hope you are thankful she didn't have to swerve, she could have hit someone, your nephew included.

Wearywithteens · 22/02/2021 18:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Nith · 22/02/2021 18:22

@UrAWizHarry

The kid being 12 does change things a little bit, but it still sounds like the driver basically didn't give him or the OP a chance to even apologise.

Things occasionally appear in the road which shouldn't. If you find that "shocking" then I would suggest that driving isn't for you.

When someone has just had a nasty shock, guess what, they tend to react in the moment and don't necessarily stop and think "Goodness me, I should give the child who caused that the chance to apologise". Not necessarily perfect, but show me someone who always acts perfectly after a bad shock and I'll show you a robot.

Jakie7700 · 22/02/2021 18:22

You are bat shit if you think she is in the wrong.

Rupertbeartrousers · 22/02/2021 18:22

A rat ran into the road in front of me once and I drove over it - it made a surprisingly scary thud so a remote control car would probably sound extremely loud and crunchy. (but then I was driving a small Citroen and not a discovery).

She may have been rude but she wasn’t in the wrong.

luxxlisbon · 22/02/2021 18:22

@UrAWizHarry

The kid being 12 does change things a little bit, but it still sounds like the driver basically didn't give him or the OP a chance to even apologise.

Things occasionally appear in the road which shouldn't. If you find that "shocking" then I would suggest that driving isn't for you.

Someone who finds it shocking that they could have potentially killed a child or an animal shouldn't be driving?! This is the most wtf comment on the whole thread.

Apparently you need to be a sociopath to drive...

jennieflower · 22/02/2021 18:23

This happened to me once, a pre teen boy was playing with his RC car on the road, we saw it and slowed down, the boy was driving it on our side of the road and we moved over to the middle to avoid it, just as we were alongside it the boy panicked and steered it right into and under the wheels of our car. We figured that as he was driving it towards himself he had meant to steer it towards the kerb but forgot that the controls were reversed and steered it the wrong way, we drove off down the road and found a spot to turn around and go back and check on him. By the time we reached him he had got his dad out, the dad was furious with us, shouting, swearing and shaking his fists at us for deliberately driving over the car. There was no reasoning with the dad at all so we drove off, still feeling guilty but there was nothing we could have done to avoid it.

UrAWizHarry · 22/02/2021 18:23

In what universe is running over a toy car the same as a child or an animal?

DottyFlossie · 22/02/2021 18:25

He shouldn't have been playing so close to the road.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 22/02/2021 18:25

Of course it is upsetting for your DN to lose his car, and get shouted at, so I feel for him.

But you need to know that when he learns to drive in 5 years time, and you are supporting him, he will be taught that he must not swerve or break sharply for small animals or objects in the road.

Obviously everyone avoids hitting animals, birds, objects when they can, but it is scary / stressful to make an emergency manoeuvre.

SparkysMagicPiano · 22/02/2021 18:25

If her tyres had been damaged would you have offered to pay OP?

islockdownoveryet · 22/02/2021 18:26

@Wearywithteens

“islockdownoveryet It’s because op she’s a c**t and I don’t say that often . Making a child cry and some people are justifying it ffs .”

Have you actually read the thread? You think a fairly mild question from a shook up driver made a 12 year old boy cry? Or that his toy was broken because of his own stupid fault? Do some people just like aggro and calling people cows and cunts over nothing?

Only for people that are . I’ve made my comment your made yours . I couldn’t give a flying flute that you disagree .

Famousinlove · 22/02/2021 18:26

The high-schooler is BU for either crying over a broken toy or being told off.

luxxlisbon · 22/02/2021 18:26

@UrAWizHarry

In what universe is running over a toy car the same as a child or an animal?

If something darts out into the road with no warning you can't see what it is, that is why you hit it most of the time, you just feel that you have hit something. It easily could have been a small child or an animal.

It is incredibly common to find that "shocking" and that is absolutely not a reason against someone driving.

DdraigGoch · 22/02/2021 18:27

It would have been far more appropriate for her to say something like "you should be more careful" or "you could have caused an accident". "Did you enjoy that?" is a really weird thing to say.

typicalvalues · 22/02/2021 18:28

Why didn't your nephew steer the car off the road? I suspect he wanted it on the road. He got his just desserts. The woman obviously reacted out of shock. As a driver myself, that would have left me shaken. My mother always drilled it into us, if you see a ball roll out onto the road, slow down immediately as it's likely to be followed by a child. If she didn't have time to slow down, she had no other option but to drive over it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/02/2021 18:29

I'm trying to imagine how it would have felt to her. You said it was just a few seconds after the toy went into the road that she ran over it, so it's entirely possible that she either did not see it, and even more likely she did not have time to react. And had she reacted - what were her options? Brake or swerve. Either of those action could have resulted in an accident, either the car behind her rear-ending her and giving her whiplash, or her swerving into another car (or into the child whose car it was, who could have been running into the road after their toy). Not sure, but I believe the advice in this situation is that it's safer just to drive on.

You say she returned a few minutes later, and was furious. Well, yes. From her point of view, she'd had a near-miss from a car accident. Her adrenalin would be pumping, fight or flight. And she was faced with a 12 year old, not a 6 year old. Maybe she'd have surmised it was a loss of control at 6, but your average 12 year old is pretty adept with a controller. 12 year olds, on the other hand - well I can think of a few who've been quite destructive around that age when bored. So, she jumped to the conclusion that the 12 year old had done it deliberately. That isn't completely unreasonable.

Your 'common decency' comment is at fault, in my opinion. She'd probably been quite shaken by the incident.

To expect her to telepathically divine that he'd lost control and not just been a bored boy looking for distraction and not valuing the toys he had is unreasonable on your part. Sorry, but it is.

I think you're directing your anger against her because you'd rather not accept being angry at yourself for not supervising him, or against him for being careless with his toy.

JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 22/02/2021 18:29

Someone else made a mistake, you as a stranger are put at risk as a result, and you rectify the mistake they made that disadvantaged you. It's a perfect analogy.

😂 “it’s a perfect analogy” you do love yourself don’t you?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 22/02/2021 18:29

The driver's comment is, at first glance, weird. But if you think about it, it's pretty consistent with her assuming that the kid was buzzing cars deliberately - I can tell you for 100% certain that people do that, because it's happened to me, and my DF.

I nearly killed a teenager a few years ago as many were playing a game in the area where they jump out in front of a car a jog in front of it (local police had put out warnings about it). I was going 30mph and if it hadn't been for my automatic brakes I'd have hit the stupid cow who did it. I stopped and screamed at her, she just laughed at me. She was probably 13/14. I can 100% believe a 12yo would do something like this on purpose.

nimbuscloud · 22/02/2021 18:29

Did you enjoy that?" is a really weird thing to say.

It’s not if she thought he deliberately drove the car out on the road in front of her.

UrAWizHarry · 22/02/2021 18:30

It could also have been a flying monkey or a badger made of cheese.

Fact is, it wasn't, so to be in "shock" is an absurd overreaction.

Nanny0gg · 22/02/2021 18:30

@Weezapleeza

That's what I thought. He made a mistake and his car went in the road and the way it looked she just basically drove right over it. Even if she saw it late she could have been a bit nicer.

Who let him play with it by a road???

NameChange1666 · 22/02/2021 18:30

I’d be fuming if an almost teenager drove his RC car into the road. I’d probably assume it was done on purpose to cause an accident or for their own amusement in the same was as some children thrown rocks at moving cars.
Also driving over a RC car could cause damage to the tires so that would add to my annoyance.

OhCaptain · 22/02/2021 18:31

Sounds like she thought he was doing it on purpose which given that he's 12 is more understandable than if he'd been very young.

I don't fully understand what happened afterwards - did she scream at him until he cried, or was he already crying about his car?

It's possible that she was worried a kid would come out after the car and her adrenaline went through the roof - which would make her a bit shouty?

Nobody here can know her motivation but I am inclined to think that a 12 year old is plenty old enough not to accidentally steer a RC car into the road!

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