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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would a little common decency have hurt?

549 replies

Weezapleeza · 22/02/2021 17:10

My nephew lost control of his R/C car and it went into the road. A few seconds later a woman in a Discovery ran right over it but apparently without batting an eyelid. She didn't slow down or stop either before or after. It was like she'd just flattened it in passing. Then the acknowledgement came. A couple of minutes later she pulled up outside the drive, wound down her window, and asked him the most incredible question. "Did you enjoy that?" She was furious, and rude, and he was in tears. That seemed to give her an answer but all she did then was drive off again. No apology, nothing. AIBU to expect better?

OP posts:
Original poster
Weezapleeza · 22/02/2021 20:28

@LunaHeather

OP "I kind of knew she had a point. I don't think I liked her making it."

This makes no sense.

But following your thought pattern through the thread it looks like you can see you and he were in the wrong.

I knew the toy was in a bad place. When I saw her car coming I knew it even more. At that moment you're not really thinking. I was hoping she'd miss but then she went right over it. I wasn't thinking beyond that and when she just carried on going I thought badly of her. When she came back I still didn't have my thinking right especially the way things went. I couldn't get past that she'd made a choice with what she did even though I know that, if she did, it' was actually the right choice.

She made it pretty clear what she felt and she clearly didn't feel the least bit like letting us off but it was hard to hear it from her when she'd just smashed something of ours to bits. I'll take the medicine. Stupid thing is that if she'd had a smaller car I might have thought different straight away, and like people have said: this could have been a bike or motorbike. I probably shouldn't have admitted that.

I'm not sure if I was looking for sympathy or confirmation that we were just not in the least responsible, in terms of our behaviour. We were just plain wrong.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:28

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

The 2 situations aren't remotely comparable 🙄

You knew the 13yo ran out in front of you.

You (nor we) don't know that the boy here did this deliberately. And it was a toy, not a person.

Jesus. 🥺

MarmedukeDuke · 22/02/2021 20:29

Ooh I know OP, you should go to your local rag and have them do a story on you, with a nice photo of you standing by the road, with DN next to you looking sad and holding his squashed car.

This story would be perfect for that.

AnotherKrampus · 22/02/2021 20:29

Wow OP, are you on glue! Why the everlasting feck are you mad at the driver?? You should be angry with your irresponsible nephew! This one of the most idiotic posts I have read in a long time. Seriously, in what world do you live! Hmm

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:29

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I'm sure the boy isn't on MN Confused
Smart.

I think you get the point? Let me labour it a bit though just in case

Talk about making an assumption about OP's DN that he was intentionally out to scare the living daylights / cause harm to a driver.

Happier??

bettertimesarecomingnow · 22/02/2021 20:31

She's a twat and a rude twat at best.

I would have said to the lad. I'm so sorry I didn't see it in time

Or something like that. I'd have probably offered to replace it too, because I am an adult and a nice one too.

It doesn't cost anything to be kind to a child. Ffs

Haveyouallgonequitemad · 22/02/2021 20:31

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows actually your situation is quite different and the girl was actually a stupid little bitch and I would have down similar I expect But this is not the same it was a total accident and the woman should be ashamed of herself amen

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:31

@AnotherKrampus

Wow OP, are you on glue! Why the everlasting feck are you mad at the driver?? You should be angry with your irresponsible nephew! This one of the most idiotic posts I have read in a long time. Seriously, in what world do you live! Hmm
Are you, Krampus?

The OP has posted v clearly that she now accepts she was in the wrong.

(I still think the driver was utterly in the wrong to be mean to a child)

saffire · 22/02/2021 20:32

Maybe she was rude as she was in shock, scared or surprised that it happened? It could've damaged her car, or caused an accident.
The remote control car shouldn't be on or near the road, especially as he obviously couldn't control it.

mcclucky · 22/02/2021 20:33

@Weezapleeza It's big of you to reflect on things and admit it.

(^ Truly, I do mean that - I know it can be hard to tell whether there is sarcasm when reading posts online. Acknowledging you did something wrong is always hard!)

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 22/02/2021 20:34

If you were with your nephew you should have been the one to apologise to the driver for the fright you gave her.

I have seen enough idiotic behaviour from 12 yr olds to assume that it was deliberate. I like to think that any apology would be "I'm really sorry it is broken but there was nothing I could do." but shock could lead to a less sympathetic reaction.

harknesswitch · 22/02/2021 20:35

He could have caused an accident if she'd swerved and crashed into another car/person. She was probably angry at you/him and might have been quite shaken up as a result. Tbh I think yabu as you are being very blinkered, you're not realising your DN might have scared and upset her!

TableFlowerss · 22/02/2021 20:37

I’d be more annoyed at the parent for letting the DC play with a RCC so close to a public road.

Accident wanting to happen!! Someone might have swerved instinctively to avoid it and cause a crash!

So YABU to put no blame on the parent

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:38

@harknesswitch

He could have caused an accident if she'd swerved and crashed into another car/person. She was probably angry at you/him and might have been quite shaken up as a result. Tbh I think yabu as you are being very blinkered, you're not realising your DN might have scared and upset her!
Look if you don't want to RTFT, how about even just OP's posts, hmm?
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/02/2021 20:40

@Snorlaxx

I cannot believe some of the responses- I'm genuinely shocked that some people think this woman was justified in sneering at a young child over something accidental.

If there was damage or harm caused by what happened, she should have spoken to you about it. Responding to a young child in such a nasty manner was uncalled for. Accidents happen and thankfully nobody was hurt.

I think the whole point is that she didn't think it was accidental. Her comment makes sense if she thought he had done it deliberately, and is quite mild in that context. He is lucky she didn't give him a complete bollocking.
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 22/02/2021 20:41

Anyone else think this is an issue of some people thinking teenage boys can terrorise others at will, just “boys will be boys” even if it gets someone killed?

Hepsie · 22/02/2021 20:41

Well at least you seen to have been reasonable in the end op. Unlike some of the posters who have crawled out of their caves tonight.

Ohnomoreno · 22/02/2021 20:43

More jealousy about the fact a stranger was driving a nice car and was therefore in the wrong because there was an obstacle in the road...admittedly she didn't have to be rude, but I'd be pretty shocked to run over, or even into, a remote-controlled car in the road. People are constantly "othering" anyone they perceive as rich.

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 22/02/2021 20:44

Perhaps she was shaken up wondering WTF she ran over. And took her own shock out on your nephew.

No excuse to shout at and be rude to an upset 12 year old kid but without her side of the story we have no idea where she was coming from with her response.

BobbidyBob · 22/02/2021 20:45

So rare for an OP to come back and admit they WBU after seeing the responses. Nice to see. Hope it helps you (and your DN) file it under “live and learn” and move on.

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:46

she didn't think it was accidental.

And if so, she could have asked the 12 yo or the responsible adult. She could even have been cross.

She doesn't have to assume, be nasty or cause him to cry

WHAT is wrong with people?

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:46

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Anyone else think this is an issue of some people thinking teenage boys can terrorise others at will, just “boys will be boys” even if it gets someone killed?
No.

How was the 12 yo boy terrorising anyone? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Girlonit · 22/02/2021 20:46

Only just @mcclucky. And I’ve been in a horrible car accident while pregnant (wasn’t my fault). Still my first thought is to ask others if they’re ok too.
Driving is very much about being able to deal with unexpected incidents and actually being able to do so calmly is an important skill. Like starting to skid in ice/snow you need to remain calm and deal with it even if it’s actually a bit frightening.

Was it in a residential area Op? I’m presuming he wasn’t playing by a motorway/dual carriageway.

LovePoppy · 22/02/2021 20:47

@Weezapleeza

I know I should have been looking out for him, and I know there is no way his car should been allowed to go into the road. I would have apologised to her about that if I'd been given half the chance even though I was pretty upset. But it was stationery for a good few seconds before she completely squashed it so it all looked a bit casual.

The thing is that she seemed to think he'd deliberately wanted to see her go over it, like other posters have suggested. Who would do that?

You still should have apologized.

Who would do that? Lots of kids.

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2021 20:48

@Girlonit

Only just *@mcclucky*. And I’ve been in a horrible car accident while pregnant (wasn’t my fault). Still my first thought is to ask others if they’re ok too. Driving is very much about being able to deal with unexpected incidents and actually being able to do so calmly is an important skill. Like starting to skid in ice/snow you need to remain calm and deal with it even if it’s actually a bit frightening.

Was it in a residential area Op? I’m presuming he wasn’t playing by a motorway/dual carriageway.

Couldn't agree more.

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