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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish someone would take my kids out

52 replies

Letmeout21 · 21/02/2021 19:27

Just imagining what it would be like to have someone take the kids out, somewhere fun, like the zoo or something. Even just a nice day at the park.
My parents will look after them occasionally so I do get a break, but they don’t leave the house so it’s not massively fun.
The only days out we have l, are with me obviously. It must be nice to have some free time, whilst knowing your kids are actually off somewhere having fun so you don’t feel bad.
Do most people have this? Like partners taking kids out for the day, or mainly members?

OP posts:
Keeva2017 · 21/02/2021 19:39

I understand this feeling, it’s such a relief when you get a break but there is zero guilt because they are having a great time.

It doesn’t have to be a big event though. My 4 year old loves a day out but equally feels like a she’s having the best time watching a film with my sister because my sister is much cooler than me and my daughter feels like a “big girl”.

scubadub · 21/02/2021 19:44

Yes I'm very lucky that my parents will take mine off for the day and sometimes for the night too. They take them to the places in covid time they will go to the park or beach for walks and have a movie night.

Cherrysherbet · 21/02/2021 19:46

No, I've never had that, even before the pandemic. Mine are 23, 18 and 10, so older now. Days out have always been with me and DH. I love it, but totally understand the wish for time without the guilt, knowing they are having fun. I was always jealous of people who had family who would take their kids out, even just to the park! Parents who have this never seen to realise how lucky they are.

user1493413286 · 21/02/2021 19:51

My pil do that and DD loves her nanny so it’s lovely knowing that she’s having lots of fun with her. I’d love just to be able to take the kids out myself for the day at this point though

EachBleachBlairTrump · 21/02/2021 19:55

Both sets of grandparents will happily take DS out in non Covid times, but if it's the zoo, Legoland etc I like going too! We have actual passes for both grandma's and DS for the local aquarium, soft play and farm so we don't feel like we're missing out because we have our own family passes and take him all the time, but they have activities they can do with him without it costing them anything. We also live near the beach and a lovely park so they're always good options too.
Having said that both grandmas look after DS over day a week in normal times (DM is doing two days ATM because of childcare bubble rules and because she lives closer), but it's because DH and I are working. They do offer at other times but we prefer to do things with them as we both work full time over 4 days and it feels cheeky on top of the once a week childcare.
We are fortunate that if we do want an evening off, theatre, cinema, social event etc either set are very willing to have him and he loves being with them, we just don't use the privilege very much!

Original poster
Letmeout21 · 21/02/2021 20:12

Pandemic aside, I do get breaks. Overnights with grandparents. But they never go out and my 8 year old gets a bit bored there so I feel like it’s for my benefit rather than theirs if you know what I mean.
It’d just be nice for someone other than me to do something fun with them. Although I do like going to the fun places so would probably still want to go 😂
It would be nice to see my kids excited to go somewhere and come back and tell me about their day and I could feel guilt free about spending the day how I wanted (probably in bed)

OP posts:
Frozenintime · 21/02/2021 20:15

I've never had that. Never slept overnight anywhere else either. No break in 13 years.
I'm with you OP. It would be Fabulous

Bettyboop82 · 21/02/2021 20:24

Same here! My parents will have them but just stay in the house with them, don’t even let them in the garden unless it’s perfect weather! I’m glad of the occasional break but feel guilty that my kids are bored!

user85963842 · 21/02/2021 20:35

Yes 3 sets of grandparents (divorce) will do this. We had children quite young so grandparents are all relatively young still, we don't live near two sets so they help out with childcare in school holidays which means shipping them off for a week or 2, no guilt as the kids love it and enables them to build a relationship despite the distance. Is there a reason the grandparents don't do anything? Could you buy tickets somewhere to encourage them? Would they be capable/happy to?

Avaganda · 21/02/2021 20:35

I didn't get that for 7 years! Our families are hundreds of miles away and DH never takes the children out by himself, so the first time I got a moment to myself was when my youngest started preschool. Which lasted for all of 2 months when Covid shut the schools Angry It was nice while it lasted.

IndigoJewel · 21/02/2021 20:37

Pre covid my parents would take my DC all over the place. They have taken my eldest 2 on holiday abroad twice now aswell. Feel very lucky!

IndigoJewel · 21/02/2021 20:38

Also I had children very young so my parents are early 50s now, so still loads of energy to be off doing stuff.

sunshineandshowers21 · 21/02/2021 20:44

me and my sister take it in turns to take each other’s kids out so that we both get breaks. and our mum and dad take all the grandkid’s away for a week to the seaside every year so we get time to ourselves. you don’t need to feel bad if they’re just at their grandparent’s and not out having fun somewhere though! most kids love spending time with their grandparents even if it’s only at their house. don’t be so hard on yourself!

Annabell80 · 21/02/2021 20:47

I don't really get a break. My youngest is very little though. My parents would occasionally have my older two but they don't actually go out anywhere.

Original poster
Letmeout21 · 21/02/2021 20:50

My mum used to take my eldest out but just doesn’t anymore. I don’t think she has the energy anymore. She’s only 63 though.
My Dad wouldn't be able to. Again used to take my eldest shopping occasionally years ago, but my youngest is hard work and my Dad can’t deal with him.
My parents live separately and my Dad has never had my youngest for more than an hour or two, and very rarely.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 21/02/2021 20:51

No we never had that. The very occasional half day at GP during half term whilst we worked but otherwise no. No sleepover in 14 years either.
I read about GP clamouring to have their GC alone as babies and for sleepovers as DC and it's alien to me. No one ever seemed keen to do that for us. Lack of time away from the DC was why I went back to work early.

BackforGood · 21/02/2021 21:01

No, I never had that.
Never had time when they had them at their house either.
Never had overnights (except twice, for weddings, but I had to split my dc and co-ordinate 2 different households each to have one of them).

I think you need to look at your half full glass rather than your half empty one Smile

MirandaWestsNewBFF · 21/02/2021 21:22

I have never had this.

My parents live 100 miles away, my in laws 40 miles away. I have two brothers but neither of them live nearby either. We don’t drive and both grandads have trouble with health. My husband and I try to give each other a bit of time where we can but it is quite hard. Every so often pre Covid we would book a day off work to have some child free time. Lockdown has probably been harder for people who have been used to getting regular breaks from or help with their kids - we’re used to it, I guess.

MessAllOver · 21/02/2021 21:27

My DM does lots (or did lots, pre-Covid Sad) with my 3yo. But even then we'd tend to do big days out together. It's lovely just having an extra pair of hands, though. One person to fetch tea/coffee and the other to find a table and keep DS amused, that sort of thing. She'd do a lot of walking round with him while I ate in the early days. She's also massively into planning activities for him in the house and garden so they'll do baking or painting or crafty stuff and I can lie upstairs in bed and listen to them having fun, which is lovely. But she and my DF are too nervous to take my DS out by themselves unless he's on reins or in a buggy (which he's too big for now, really)... he's incredibly fast and was a terrible bolter when younger. My DF has never had my DS by himself... he likes talking to him and playing trains or blocks, but caring for small children solo really isn't his thing anymore!

MrBullinaChinaShop · 21/02/2021 21:30

You have it pretty good if you get overnights OP! My mum had my oldest overnight twice as a baby when we were at weddings, I now have 3 and no one has had my second or third overnight. She doesn’t take them out as she wouldn’t be able to manage it on her own. DH’s family live abroad so no overnights or trips out. It is what it is!

BrilliantBetty · 21/02/2021 21:50

Yep, pre covid my parents will take DC out for a 'nice day out' every half term / school holidays. And even a long-weekend stay at the seaside during summer hols.

And my FIL also takes DC out for the day a couple of times a year.

It's really nice. I couldn't imagine not doing this for my grandkids though, when the time comes.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 21/02/2021 21:54

It’s really nice. I couldn't imagine not doing this for my grandkids though, when the time comes

There are lots of reasons why grandparents can’t/won’t do this. My mum has a disability and wouldn’t be able to manage it on her own. She still has an excellent relationship with her grandchildren.

BrilliantBetty · 21/02/2021 22:39

There are lots of reasons why grandparents can’t/won’t do this. My mum has a disability and wouldn’t be able to manage it on her own.

Completely agree that some grandparents can't manage to. But for me, if I can, I definitely will!

There are plenty who just don't want to.

Norwaydidnthappen · 21/02/2021 22:51

Yeah, pre-covid my Mum would take them all over. They went on the Polar Express train Christmas 2019 which they loved and she’s taken them for a few days a couple of times to her static caravan on the coast. She’s in our ‘support bubble’ so she took them out for a nice walk to a forest this half term and it was great for all of us.

Disneymum1993 · 21/02/2021 23:00

I'm really lucky in the fact that my gran (the kids great gran) who is 75 takes my middle daughter every Friday for a sleepover (asd,doesn't sleep well ,adhd too) this is a godsend, she takes her shopping, park,walks ,do baking and fun crafts and pre covid the zoo and things like that.

My youngest (18 months)only stayed out for first time to my mums on Friday but she has him plenty times during day takes him to park,toddlers,swimming all pre covid.

My eldest has separation anxiety and only really leaves family home if both me and dp are working but the family always take her places and she has been on holiday with her great gran for a week before.

It makes it easier on me when they are away knowing they will have fun. Especially when I'm working back to back shifts and don't have as much time to spend with them.

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