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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish someone would take my kids out

52 replies

Letmeout21 · 21/02/2021 19:27

Just imagining what it would be like to have someone take the kids out, somewhere fun, like the zoo or something. Even just a nice day at the park.
My parents will look after them occasionally so I do get a break, but they don’t leave the house so it’s not massively fun.
The only days out we have l, are with me obviously. It must be nice to have some free time, whilst knowing your kids are actually off somewhere having fun so you don’t feel bad.
Do most people have this? Like partners taking kids out for the day, or mainly members?

OP posts:
user1471554720 · 21/02/2021 23:03

My children are 9 and 11. Grandparents would take them for a night if we had a wedding, but not for non essential things. We only got asked to 2 wedding in the last 10 years.

You are very lucky your parents are taking your kids at all. I have to work nearly fulltime, and then have to turn around and fit in fun things at the weekend when I want to catch up on housework and rest. In a way the covid has helped my energy levels, as I don't have to fit in swimming, cinema etc. I just take them for a walk and watch tv with them. I don't mind doing an odd thing but I would need the Monday after off to rest and catch up with housework. I am 49.

Pre covid, my dh would bring them to his relations for a visit once every two months, and I would get 2 or 3 hours free on a Sunday, every 2 months.

I know it would be fabulous to have someone take them away for a day, so you could relax at home. I know that taking two away is hard work and very busy, and a lot of people won't do it regularly unless they own the child and absolutely have to.

Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 23:18

Nope never had that, I’ve never even had a night away from them as my mum won’t have all 4 of them so I never get a break, she certainly wouldn’t take them all out anywhere

Ileflottante · 21/02/2021 23:22

From the title I thought you meant with a shotgun. 🤭

tunnocksreturns2019 · 21/02/2021 23:27

Ah yes, wouldn’t it be lovely! I don’t get this and didn’t pre covid either. And I almost always take DC out alone as I’m widowed.

Cocopogo · 21/02/2021 23:29

Nope, it’s just me.

winetime89 · 21/02/2021 23:33

I have one parent who does my childcare who will take them out to small places, the park, soft play ect in the holidays when I'm at work, but the other we'd love to ask so we can have a free day on a weekend to get stuff done but she will let them watch tv all day so then we just feel incredibly guilty so try to avoid this.

sonnysunshine · 21/02/2021 23:37

Precovid my parents had the DC once a year, though not every year. PIL never. I did used to get jealous of people that had parents who willing took their kids and was amazed at how much they took it for granted.

langgang3000 · 22/02/2021 00:02

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RIPworkingmums · 22/02/2021 00:22

Oh I am always moaning at my partner about this. How lovely it would be if he could just take them to the park for an hour so I could relax and know they’re having fun. I hate leaving them at home with him because I know he’ll shove them in front of an iPad for hours on end Angry. My lovely parents to occasionally take the older two out for the day, although the toddler is too much for them to handle as well which I totally understand!

BiddyPop · 22/02/2021 05:31

Dd is mid teens and has only had a handful of days out that haven't been with DH and/or I over the years. But she hasn't missed,out as we've taken her loads of places and I occasionally got free time either with a coffee after dropping her to crèche before I turned up at work, when DH took her out or when I took a day off and she still went to crèche.

Sooverthis1 · 22/02/2021 06:40

We have loads of family and no one has ever minded or taken out our dcs ever, I literally have to ask them to watch them if I go to the bathroom. It's always been like this, it's a bit bizarre tbh, even my sister who is close in age to me now so mid 30's never,ever offers no matter what the situation (if I was sick or exhausted etc). I remember helping pre-kids with friends who had children and enjoying it,
like the odd afternoon in the playground etc. Yes they are our kids and our responsibility but seems very different to what I see around us. My eldest is almost 10 now so it's never going to happen. I agree that actually the pandemic hasn't made a huge difference for us support-wise as we have none, I am freelance for this reason. My dh and I are great at giving each other some time though and he's fantastic with them, goes off on camping weekends or brings them off hiking somewhere for the day with a picnic. It would be lovely for us to get some time together and leave them with people we 100 percent trust , I think because of the lack of any family support we can be a bit nervous re babysitters.

jiskoot · 22/02/2021 06:52

As someone who can't have children I'd love to borrow someone's for the day, I love spending time with kids. Don't have any family nearby and new to the area so don't have any friends, certainly none with younger kids. Would be a bit weird to rock up to someone in my village to offer this even though it sounds like people would appreciate it.

TwirpingBird · 22/02/2021 06:56

I have a 2.5 year old. Her GPs (inlaws) have taken her to the local park twice. Nobody has ever taken her out anywhere. We get maybe 3 date nights a year, and pretty much no other breaks, ever. It's always just us taking the kids on days out. We do enjoy it but we just never get a break. We have no help. It's just us.

hellywelly3 · 22/02/2021 07:10

I wish this too not for my benefit for the children. I adored my grandma (only had one grandparent) and loved our relationship and I’m so sad mine don’t have that with either set. Both well off no health concerns etc so it’s not money they just don’t seem to want to have them.

TwirpingBird · 22/02/2021 07:16

I just want to add that my inlaws have no reason not to take her out. They are 50s, healthy bar being overweight, mostly dont want to (it makes them "tired" and they dont like driving the motorway). Also, admittedly, I am reluctant as they tend to fill her with sweets until she physically vomits, so I dont push it.

My parents live abroad. They are very active, healthy, just turning 60. If they could, they would take my kids out, and they would be brilliant! Maybe in the future.

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 22/02/2021 07:22

Nope. My parents can't even come over as they're vulnerable and still waiting for their vaccination immunity.

So it's just me. Heavily pregnant too so no trips for us.

But everything's closed anyway so I thought I was in the majority of staying in with them?

Adancewithdragons · 22/02/2021 07:30

I wish! Grandparents are quite vocal that they have done their time and only want to be grandparent. Never had any time off from the kids unless DH watches them for a few hours and visa versa. It would be lovely to have a meal out together. Once they get older I might feel comfortable getting a babysitter but they are too little right now. Ohhh I can day dream 😂

Adancewithdragons · 22/02/2021 07:33

@jiskoot if I knew you I would definitely let you borrow my kids 🥰

lollipoprainbow · 22/02/2021 07:33

Nope my dd doesn't have have any grandpas left and her two grannies are in care homes, no one else to take her out and about or for sleepovers so just me. How I envy those with their parents still around.

user85963842 · 22/02/2021 07:55

"and only want to be grandparent"

What is being a grandparent to them? I know some mumsnetters moan at grandparents (usually in laws) for wanting time alone with grandchildren, which is shooting themselves in the foot if you ask me, not saying that's anyone here, but for me it was an important part of my childhood getting that time with my grandparents, and as an adult it's now my lifeline and for my kids great memories again. I just don't think you'd forge the same relationship all meeting you for dinner once a month or whatever. I hope my children are happy for me to have the grandchildren, but I have sons, so their DILs might not let me, we'll see Grin

thepeopleversuswork · 22/02/2021 07:56

I never have this. This is my only source of regret really about being a single parent. In general I love it but its the relentlessness and never having a break from it.

justanotherneighinparadise · 22/02/2021 07:57

That sounds like bliss!!! Never happened here either 😂

NoSuchThingAsTooMuch · 22/02/2021 07:58

Grandparents on both sides never did this really. I have an even smaller support network after divorce and Covid, so it's just me and my partner.

I do believe in that "it takes a village" adage and it makes me sad we don't have a wider network of trusted adults to depend upon.

manyhorror · 22/02/2021 08:03

Dh takes them out swimming, trampoline park or to the playground, the cinema or shopping/lunch, or round his mums. Nice to have a day to myself.

Grandparents tend to keep them at home or just go for walks but they love it anyway. They do arts and crafts, watch movies, do baking so they see it as a special treat. And me and dh get to have a day or night to ourselves. Pre-covid this would happen about once a month. We didn't have it for years though so I really appreciate it.

justanotherneighinparadise · 22/02/2021 08:05

@NoSuchThingAsTooMuch

Grandparents on both sides never did this really. I have an even smaller support network after divorce and Covid, so it's just me and my partner.

I do believe in that "it takes a village" adage and it makes me sad we don't have a wider network of trusted adults to depend upon.

The problem is when parents did think they had ‘trusted’ adults to help care for their children in the past those were often the adults who abused them. So I can see why we have all become quite insular. I agree it’s a shame though.