Page 4 | Single mums-is life better now?

Isthisitnowthen · 2021-02-21T12:58:37+00:00

Do you feel happier just you and your child/kids? Is it manageable, what are the positives/negatives? Really feel I would be happier just myself and my Dd, just scared to take the leap. I have a couple of friends recently separated and the difference in them in huge, so much happier now.

IhaveNotBroughtMySpecsWithMe · 07/03/2021 00:29

I've done it twice. On both occasions its been better.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/03/2021 00:43

This is why I've always said its the world's best-kept secret

It’s funny . Look how much happier we all are . All those Wasted years looking for Mr Right

When actually my kids , job and wider loved ones are just fine enough

And the people asking me about dating
Jesus wept

I don’t think women need men as much as we thought we did
That’s not being a man hater I hope

Manzanilla55 · 07/03/2021 04:05

Society has been set up and pitched all wrong. It is the patriarchy. We are fed this right from birth/upbringing. It is in the media/collective/environment etc. We must need a man to be rescued and settle down. Whether we have babies or not.

The truth of the matter is women are in general much stronger emotionally than men but when we move in with one invariably we become weaker emotionally and the men become stronger. This is because in general men cannot last well on their own. They are emotionally weak. Whereas we CAN last and much prefer it once we have seen the light!

Not a man hater in the least but the only two things I need a man for is 1) casual sex and 2) repairs/plumber/diy/gardener etc. Luckily I have a platonic male friend for socialising with occasionally. Other than that I love my freedom and independence now ds is 16 soon. Bliss! I wouldn't change it for the world.

Even when ds moves out in say 5 years time I wouldn't sit here lonely. I am planning to get two terrapins instead for some living creatures in the home to enjoy lol. Am in no rush for that though as the cost of living these days generally means that children live with their parents for years .....

funinthesun19 · 07/03/2021 07:17

Yes yes YES. So much happier!

I was stuck in a very unhappy relationship and my life was more hard work because I had him to deal with.
Now I’m my own boss and life is so much calmer and clearer now it’s just me and my children.

Of course I have to do everything, but I had to everything when I was with my ex. I actually have to do less now because I have no man child living with me. I also have to pay for everything for my children, but somehow we have more money now than we did when he lived here.

My children are so much happier. That tells me everything I need to know every single day.

I used to fucking resent the attitude that many have on here, that if you’re in a relationship you have an easier and better life than someone who is a single mum. I still don’t agree with those who have that attitude now. Because my life was so desperately hard and far from easy!

Lollyneenah · 07/03/2021 07:26

Soooo much happier.dd and I have such a chilled out happy home.
I work full time and get universal credit to cover some of my childcare costs.
Financially we're better off as we don't have selfish ex spending all his money on ridiculous debts and things for himself.
Ex does eoweekend and had a steep learning curve. He would never have spent the day alone with her if I hadn't ditched him

Manzanilla55 · 07/03/2021 08:15

I agree funinthesun. Wives invariably think they have a better life and an easier one. Hope I'm not digressing but in society I have been asked by many a married woman lots of questions about me and ds. The 3rd degree. It is as if they are looking for proof that we cannot possibly cannot cope on our own. Some of these women I barely know. I do get tired of the wrong assumptions. Apologies if somewhat off topic.

funinthesun19 · 07/03/2021 09:13

Manzanilla55 It’s actually the other single mums who I used to find say this, not the women in relationships.
So when I was in a bad relationship and I was basically told on here that I should be grateful because at least I have someone “there” and they don’t, it used to really wind me up. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t always mean you have a better life.

I once made a tongue in cheek comment about how if you’re single at least you don’t have to put up with a snoring partner. I was absolutely ripped to shreds for it. I still don’t get it to this day, especially now I’m single myself and I enjoy very much a life without a snoring partner .

Manzanilla55 · 07/03/2021 09:26

I agree. Sleeping in a king size bed all on my own is just bliss!

funinthesun19 · 07/03/2021 09:36

It sure is! One of the many perks about being single.

I’m not for one minute saying that being a single mum is easy. I’m a single mum of 4 and my ex sees them very sporadically and pays nothing towards them. I have to juggle everything on my own. But life is still so much easier and happier than when I was with their father and I can say that very confidently.

Needhelp101 · 07/03/2021 09:48

@Manzanilla55

Society has been set up and pitched all wrong. It is the patriarchy. We are fed this right from birth/upbringing. It is in the media/collective/environment etc. We must need a man to be rescued and settle down. Whether we have babies or not.

The truth of the matter is women are in general much stronger emotionally than men but when we move in with one invariably we become weaker emotionally and the men become stronger. This is because in general men cannot last well on their own. They are emotionally weak. Whereas we CAN last and much prefer it once we have seen the light!

Not a man hater in the least but the only two things I need a man for is 1) casual sex and 2) repairs/plumber/diy/gardener etc. Luckily I have a platonic male friend for socialising with occasionally. Other than that I love my freedom and independence now ds is 16 soon. Bliss! I wouldn't change it for the world.

Even when ds moves out in say 5 years time I wouldn't sit here lonely. I am planning to get two terrapins instead for some living creatures in the home to enjoy lol. Am in no rush for that though as the cost of living these days generally means that children live with their parents for years .....

All of the above!

I'm much happier. Although I'm sure some of this state of affairs is because I have an excellent co-parent and I get a break.

thepeopleversuswork · 07/03/2021 09:55

Manzanilla55

"Society has been set up and pitched all wrong. It is the patriarchy. We are fed this right from birth/upbringing. It is in the media/collective/environment etc. We must need a man to be rescued and settle down. Whether we have babies or not."

Absolutely agree.

But I find it pretty shocking to realise there's this huge gulf between the actual lived experience of single mothers and the Dickensian morality tale which society presents.

The fact that its still seen as pretty much the worst thing to happen to a woman in this day and age, when so many of us on this board are clearly so much happier, shows how much of a number they have done on us.

We still have a hell of a lot of education and promotion to do.