Page 3 | Single mums-is life better now?

Isthisitnowthen · 2021-02-21T12:58:37+00:00

Do you feel happier just you and your child/kids? Is it manageable, what are the positives/negatives? Really feel I would be happier just myself and my Dd, just scared to take the leap. I have a couple of friends recently separated and the difference in them in huge, so much happier now.

Royalbloo · 21/02/2021 21:39

YES! Everything is better - we are sold the dream but we are so happy now

Wobblysausage · 21/02/2021 21:41

Absolutely yes

blubberball · 21/02/2021 21:45

Yes, it's so much better. Decisions are mine, my money is my money. So much better!

DecorativeParticle · 22/02/2021 19:43

Another one here voting that it's so much better - for same reasons others have said.

Fundamentally I think it depends how decent things were beforehand. If your partner was proactive, involved, helpful, supportive, played a constructive role within the family/household etc, then you'll feel their absence. If they were none of those things, then your life will be infinitely better/easier when you ditch the man-child.

Re money, from my perspective am much better off now - as I can make my own financial decisions and choices, and not have to financially support someone else's unaffordable lifestyle... But again - very much depends on your circumstances.

MissMarpleDarling · 23/02/2021 00:34

Much happier!

tunnocksreturns2019 · 23/02/2021 00:39

Well no, absolutely not, but that’s because I’m a lone parent through the death of my lovely DH.

Lollipity · 23/02/2021 09:43

Yes, I was much happier, although he was hard work when we'd split up with threats to kill me and constant harassment so I ended up on valium for a while. Before we split up I'd wake up in the morning feeling that my life was wrong somehow and in the
end I couldn't ignore it anymore.

I was working full-time when we split up and that obviously helped financially, although with a mortgage and a 2 and 6 year old I struggled. Tax credits gave me a significant amount of money which almost covered the childcare. However I still struggled and my ex refused to pay any maintenance. In the end I sold the house and moved to another part of the country as a family member had a house I could live in.

Met the man who is now my husband. Moved abroad and am now in Asia with my husband and children. Life is so, so much better for me, although it won't be the same for everyone who decides to leave a relationship.

lubeybooby · 23/02/2021 09:46

not single anymore but it was the right choice for me 14 years ago when I left exh and I was happier despite horribly tight finances for a few months while I got settled

Lollipity · 23/02/2021 09:48

Oops just realised this was aimed at single mothers. Yes, when I was single (but after I'd moved away from my ex), I was much happier and had a better relationship with my children.

tracker222 · 23/02/2021 09:56

I'm a lone parent and have never known any different. I'm very happy and I wouldn't change it. I love my independence. I'd far rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship.

Skeroooerrat · 23/02/2021 10:02

Best thing I ever did.
Happier beyond wildest expectations.
Lone parenting is physically, emotionally, mentally and financially very, very hard. Gruelling. Depending on ages and stages of dc. Still way better than doing in a miserable resentment fuelled argumentative or unsafe home.
Wishing you all the best.

30scrisis · 23/02/2021 10:10

Urgh, never stay in a relationship because you think it might be easier. I'm a single mum to three and although it can be hard I actually enjoy my own space and bringing up my children how I want to. The only people I have to prioritise is myself and my children. I've had boyfriends but came to the conclusion eventually that they weren't good enough for me. I always thought a man would make it easier but it really doesn't. Financially you will cope. Again, it's not easy sometimes but you will get some benefits help.

Ultimatecougar · 25/02/2021 12:53

Depends what sort of a relationship you have with your ex as well. Because if you have children together often you still do have a relationship of sorts.

The happiest single mothers seem to be where either they are totally lone parents, so can do everything as they please, or are co parenting with an amicable ex.

My ex and I are not on speaking terms, but he still sees the children. Everything to do with the children is a source of tension. Much, much worse than when we were together. Paradoxically he now has much greater involvement with the children than he did when we were together, maybe because he sees what he has to lose or possibly just to stake a claim to them.

Holidays, Xmas, medical treatment, schooling, everything is a source of disagreement (via email because we don't speak). And now the children are older he is working hard to charm them away from me and choose him. Don't assume that if you split from an uninvolved father that he will stay that way.

Manzanilla55 · 05/03/2021 04:54

Now ds is 16 in a weeks time things are much easier. Just got concerns ref education disruption for ds owing to the pandemic plus I a running a small business which is temporarily challenged. However I am much stronger emotionally as a person since lone parenting ds from 5 months old! His dad does pay a small sum monthly though plus have him over at his family 4 times a year for a week as he is 100 miles away.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 05/03/2021 05:11

Yes 100% better. My DC dad has them 2-3 nights a week and pays maintenance and we have extended family who help out in the school holidays. I work pt and claim tax credits and I'm lucky to have a fairly small mortgage.

I will never live with another man again, or at least not while my DC are still at home. I am very happy in my own company and never lonely, which also helps. I think it might be hard if you were the sort of person who likes to have others around. But me and the DC (9 and 5) are a team and we have a great life so I have everything I want right here!

CayrolBaaaskin · 05/03/2021 05:16

Yes definitely. I moved as well so dd dad can’t take that much of the load and pays nothing. But I’m much happier and ddS are used to it and happy with the set up.

Aquariussuns · 05/03/2021 06:25

Naturally, there are some things that are more difficult being a single parent. I must say though, I am so happy in myself and feel genuinely free at the idea of being this way until my daughter is grown up. I can’t be bothered with another relationship and want to have all my spare time with my daughter or doing one of my hobbies.

Manzanilla55 · 06/03/2021 11:30

To be honest I think society has no idea how much value we place on independence.Once we get the hang of things there is simply no need for people to pity us or perceive that we cant possibly cope on our own and must need some form of urgent rescue. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Bella43 · 06/03/2021 15:23

Yes I'm very happy. The children are growing up in a nice atmosphere instead of listening to arguments or watching their father engrossed in endless football matches on tv or worse, cowboy and western films.
What is hard though? Having to juggle work and school runs, never having a break, people feeling sorry for you. I love being a single parent but many people assume I'm lonely and looking for someone. Err, no thanks

Manzanilla55 · 06/03/2021 17:23

Yes I hate people pitying me. They also assume we are man hungry lol.

Shufflebudge · 06/03/2021 17:30

Yes I’m happier than I’ve been in years. And so much more relaxed. I have a good co-parenting relationship though, might be a different story if I didn’t.

LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella · 06/03/2021 17:43

I've been a LP for years to my 3 (now all teenagers). It was tough when they were little but I love it. We're a very close family unit, and I'm really proud of them (and of myself).

thepeopleversuswork · 06/03/2021 18:18

@Manzanilla55

To be honest I think society has no idea how much value we place on independence.Once we get the hang of things there is simply no need for people to pity us or perceive that we cant possibly cope on our own and must need some form of urgent rescue. Nothing could be further from the truth!

This is why I've always said its the world's best-kept secret.

When you're a young woman you endlessly beat yourself up about what it takes to "keep a man happy" etc and see single parenthood as your worst fear.

There's this huge sense of liberation when it happens and you realise that actually not only can you do it all yourself perfectly adequately but that you're actually far happier by yourself.

I'm a real evangelist for it now. I realise its not for everyone and that single parenthood can be financially challenging. But taking the financial element out of the equation I actually think by far the best environment for children to grow up is in a solvent single parent family headed by a capable mum.

You only have to look at this thread to realise this as well.

SparklyWindow · 06/03/2021 23:46

*This is why I've always said its the world's best-kept secret.

When you're a young woman you endlessly beat yourself up about what it takes to "keep a man happy" etc and see single parenthood as your worst fear.

There's this huge sense of liberation when it happens and you realise that actually not only can you do it all yourself perfectly adequately but that you're actually far happier by yourself.

I'm a real evangelist for it now. I realise its not for everyone and that single parenthood can be financially challenging. But taking the financial element out of the equation I actually think by far the best environment for children to grow up is in a solvent single parent family headed by a capable mum.

You only have to look at this thread to realise this as well.*

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I really wish someone had told me this 5 years earlier. Being out of that relationship is flipping' amazing and I wish I'd done it sooner! Will now be shouting it from the rooftops

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/03/2021 00:27

Positives
No one shouts at me ! Or my kids (bar for me )
Working to have home be calmer and happier
It’s how I want to it be
Have freedom to live ( C-19 aside )
Can have people round (C-19 aside )
I can get things fixed and changed
I’m not depressed anymore
I think I’m a positive role model for them . I work hard and try to get stuff addressed

Cons
My kids game a lot , I’m too tired to do things all the time - guilt
It can be mentally exhausting
I’ve cut down on sports as have no will to spend weekend driving to matches , guilt
It’s a heavy loads when things go wrong
It’s an issue for career as can’t travel

Don’t have a single regret