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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you came into a lot of money-would you leave?

79 replies

Windspickingup · 21/02/2021 12:52

Your partner/Dh?
Anyone feel life would be easier/happier just you/you and the kids?
I don’t think you realise when young how important money actually is/will be
Aibu to feel like this?

OP posts:
DishedUp · 21/02/2021 13:16

No I wouldn't.

I'd buy a bigger house, and hire a cleaner. But I'd be looking forward to all the things we could do together

fat13 · 21/02/2021 13:19

@VladmirsPoutine

YANBU. A lot of couples are only together because maintaining two houses is much more expensive than just one. It's not as simple as saying "You should leave! Go be happy!" - because sometimes the sums don't add up like that. Sometimes you can't literally afford to leave. Whatever is the story in your case OP, or maybe this is more of a thought experiment I hope you're ok!
This
Hurtandupset2 · 21/02/2021 13:19

I wouldn't want to leave the relationship as such, but I would like separate houses, or to employ a housekeeper and cleaner, etc, as the mess he's happy to live in drives me insane and is the cause of a lot of friction.

poblwcymru · 21/02/2021 13:21

We have wildly different hobbies- I like to travel, DH does not. DH likes motor racing, I do not... if we won mega money we would inevitably split as we would never see each other.

Luckily neither of us can afford a round the world cruise or a race car so we're alright for now Grin

Honeyroar · 21/02/2021 13:24

No. But Definitely yes to leaving work!

Nutrigrainygoodness · 21/02/2021 13:24

No, but i did ask DW last night (in jest) if when her gran dies and she gets her inheritance, would she leave me cos she'd be minted 😂

Deadringer · 21/02/2021 13:26

Yes

CoRhona · 21/02/2021 13:27

No. Another one who'd be planning holidays for us both.

MixedUpFiles · 21/02/2021 13:27

No I wouldn’t leave. Mostly because I am happy, but also because if I wanted to leave, I would just leave. I saw growing up that money was one of the things that kept my mom with my dad. It really stuck with me and definitely influenced my career choices. I think it’s actually the most important lesson we can teach our daughters because society has failed so many women through so many generations.

LionLily · 21/02/2021 13:29

No, but I'd buy myself a little place right on the seafront to which I could retreat regularly.
I love him very much but there are times when both or either of us feels we need a few days just looking after number one. Luckily, we both get this so it doesn't cause friction.
Would just be nice to have a little hidey-hole.

AgeLikeWine · 21/02/2021 13:29

Absolutely not.

DP would both retire & go travelling in a big way. Together.

bumblingbovine49 · 21/02/2021 13:31

A friend of mine most divorced hae husband after her second child was born.. She stayed because financially they both would have been much worse off. However by the time the youngest was a teenager , my friend had been left a couple of sizeable chunks of money when her dad and then her mum died. Within a couple.of years they were divorced as it was then possible for both of them to live in their own properties without both of them being much worse off. Also my friend was able to get a better job as her children were older by then.
My friend says her marriage had been dead for many years . They get on very well as friends now,.live within minutes of each other and in fact my friend helped her ex considerably when he was very ill for a.while a few years ago

Lweji · 21/02/2021 13:31

If it is a yes from you, then you should be making plans to leave regardless.

Are there any other reasons in addition to money?

Newnamefor2021 · 21/02/2021 13:36

Definitely no. There are no "what ifs" in our marriage. Granted we never know what the future will bring, but no, I can't imagine being with anyone else's doing it alone. Think we work great together. Neither of us are perfect at all, but I love the bones of him. Think he thinks I'm alright too.

Nat6999 · 21/02/2021 13:37

I was one of a syndicate who won £250k on the thunderball at work in 2003, within a year over half of the group had called time on their marriages.

BeatricePrior · 21/02/2021 13:38

No but I would buy a bigger house and have separate lounges to each other.

Fagey · 21/02/2021 13:38

No. Wouldn't be any joy in having the money at all if I didn't have him to spend it with.

Sumwin1 · 21/02/2021 13:38

@Significantown

Is money the only reason you’re staying?
It’s the reason a lot of people may stay. Not the only reason but part of it.
SugarfreeBlitz · 21/02/2021 13:39

No. I buy a house for us to live in so we don't have to pay rent anymore.

YukoandHiro · 21/02/2021 13:40

No but if money were no object I'd buy a much bigger house so we each had more personal space and I'd probably take some solo holidays as well. And I'd pay for more childcare to get a bit of a break.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/02/2021 13:40

I left my husband with no money, no job and a 10 month old baby so if you're unhappy you don't need money to leave.

fat13 · 21/02/2021 13:47

No money can be easier than some money.

No money means benefits will step in.

Some money - they won’t. But it may not be enough to live on.

BigWoollyJumpers · 21/02/2021 13:53

No, because it's not about money.

How much are we talking about OP? It's all relative. As a couple we would need £1m+ to consider changing anything about our lives.

HitchFlix · 21/02/2021 13:55

When the DCs were small yes, I would have left if I came into money. It was the main reason I stayed. Now, if I came into money I'd move to where I want to live (he doesn't want to move) if he wanted to come too then great but if he didn't I'd survive!

Shoxfordian · 21/02/2021 13:55

No because I love my husband

If the answer is yes then you should leave anyway