Page 4 | Please say I'm not the minority here...

fastwigglylines · 20/02/2021 22:42

I hardly get time for my DC right now and they can't stand each other

If they played together I'd be delighted and much less worried about my lack of time.

Having a sibling you get on with and can play with is a massive benefit.

Bluenightowl · 20/02/2021 22:47

My kids are near each other in age and have each other luckily. I find it mind numbingly boring playing with them. I tried when my eldest was a toddler but was relieved when my youngest was old enough to take over. I sometimes bake as one of them enjoys it but again its tedious and messy and I have no interest in baking but make an effort to do it once every three or four weeks. I chat to them a lot and read etc

A friend spends hours on the floor playing with her children (nine and fourteen) and plays board games EVERY evening. She enjoys it. I'd find it quite stifling if I was a child having my mum so involved in my downtime. For what its worth her children aren't particularly well adjusted and are very insecure so her many years of being overly involved hasn't resulted in particularly well adjusted, resilient kids.

Lovinglavidaloca · 20/02/2021 22:54

My god I bloody love the first two pages of this thread (because that’s all I’ve read).

I’m constantly guilt tripping myself for not doing enough with the kids. I really thought I was in a small minority and felt so bad about it.

I have mental health issues that mean that mean that certain activities are really difficult for me to stay engaged in and I’ve just always felt so terrible.

Every once in a while I make a big effort to colour with them or built Lego and I’ll continue to do that.

dividedwefall · 20/02/2021 23:04

@Sunshine3013

I love my children and I would class myself as a good mum. However I work from home as a professional writer, and along with running the house and tending to their needs... I just don't find the time to really sit down and play with them. They are twins so are constantly playing with eachother and attend school.. I do take them out to play and do fun things with them but at home I don't find myself sitting and doing crafts or baking cakes and doing lego for an hour. I make sure my kids don't want for anything and I do spend time with them in other ways... However I often feel inadequate when I read all these mum blogs and the women seem to be doing all these fabulous at home adventures with their kids.

Please say I am not the minority...

You are not in the minority. I don't have a lot of time to play, and I work similarly to you.

It was worse when my kids where little. Now they are a bit older I can tolerate playing the odd game or doing the odd craft with them. I did spend a lot of time teaching them to read, numbers and the alphabet from being tiny, but I have never been one for 'playing' with them. To be honest, I sometimes tried and didn't really know how to!

Original poster

Sunshine3013 · 20/02/2021 23:09

Thanks, @dividedwefall - yes I feel the same way I'm just not built that way.

OP posts:

Gerberageri · 20/02/2021 23:51

@Mollyboom yes this! Saturday's spent watching Nightrider before the pools came on and we had to get out of the room pronto. I don't think we were ever asked, the mere presence of my grandad with his newspaper was enough to send us scuttling.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/02/2021 23:58

There are a lot of things I’ll happily do with Ds, like playing football in the park. What I don’t enjoy is following him around doing imaginative play, especially when only he is allowed to control the game.

I get a bit miffed when we’ve been playing football (which he does really enjoy!) or our somewhere doing something else enjoyable and he says “you haven’t played with me”. What was I just doing then? No, but not my game where we’re wizards defending the universe....

Honestly, they need their friends around them!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/02/2021 00:02

My Dd is too old to want to play with Ds - 12 - although there are somethings she will occasionally do.

My memory of childhood is that it was my grandad if anyone who had time to play imaginative games with us - we were and army and we all had ranks, went on missions etc.

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 21/02/2021 00:43

I find this thread really sad. Parents not playing with their own kids because THEY don’t find it enjoyable. I can’t help but think this is such a selfish attitude..Playing with children is obviously for the benefit of the child rather than the adult.

I play/bake/craft/dance with my DD a lot. Also work full time and completing a degree. Yes it’s exhausting but I’d feel awful if I left her to it, especially throughout lockdown when days out aren’t an option. But then she is a lone child so I think needs far more input than children with siblings who can play together.

dividedwefall · 21/02/2021 00:51

@HereLiveIAmNotACat

I find this thread really sad. Parents not playing with their own kids because THEY don’t find it enjoyable. I can’t help but think this is such a selfish attitude..Playing with children is obviously for the benefit of the child rather than the adult.

I play/bake/craft/dance with my DD a lot. Also work full time and completing a degree. Yes it’s exhausting but I’d feel awful if I left her to it, especially throughout lockdown when days out aren’t an option. But then she is a lone child so I think needs far more input than children with siblings who can play together.

I like to think it helps them develop imagination and to play/entertain themselves. I know a few kids that can't entertain themselves when they get a bit older - what a nightmare!

Five67Eight · 21/02/2021 03:41

@HereLiveIAmNotACat

I find this thread really sad. Parents not playing with their own kids because THEY don’t find it enjoyable. I can’t help but think this is such a selfish attitude..Playing with children is obviously for the benefit of the child rather than the adult.

I play/bake/craft/dance with my DD a lot. Also work full time and completing a degree. Yes it’s exhausting but I’d feel awful if I left her to it, especially throughout lockdown when days out aren’t an option. But then she is a lone child so I think needs far more input than children with siblings who can play together.

I (we) don’t play with ours because they play with each other.

We do plenty of other things with them - things we all enjoy, so there’s really no need to feel sad - everyone’s having a good time!

cachedelete · 21/02/2021 04:59

Any tips for encouraging an only 5yo to play independently?? I am OK with baking, crafting, Lego, but hate role play and constant accompaniment is not feasible but get 'what can I do?' all the time.

Bainne · 21/02/2021 06:03

@HereLiveIAmNotACat

I find this thread really sad. Parents not playing with their own kids because THEY don’t find it enjoyable. I can’t help but think this is such a selfish attitude..Playing with children is obviously for the benefit of the child rather than the adult.

I play/bake/craft/dance with my DD a lot. Also work full time and completing a degree. Yes it’s exhausting but I’d feel awful if I left her to it, especially throughout lockdown when days out aren’t an option. But then she is a lone child so I think needs far more input than children with siblings who can play together.

Yes, you’re the only one doing it correctly.

Fluffien · 21/02/2021 07:22

@cachedelete

Any tips for encouraging an only 5yo to play independently?? I am OK with baking, crafting, Lego, but hate role play and constant accompaniment is not feasible but get 'what can I do?' all the time.

Maybe ask him to create a play or something and practice it to show you later?

Lweji · 21/02/2021 08:53

As far as the parents spend time with their children, and pay attention to them and value them, they don't have to play or do everything with them. Parents certainly don't need to join things that aren't enjoyable for both, and not on a regular basis. Meals, bed time, helping setting up an activity and giving feedback, going out, are good touch points. Children should be encouraged to entertain themselves too.
Of course it depends on their personalities. Some need more interaction than others. I'm sure if my DS had been different, I'd have spent more time doing lego, crafts, or baking. We did other things instead, but he was quite happy doing his own thing many times, just with me around.
He's a well adjusted teenager. A bit on the introvert side, but we have an excellent relationship and he's been doing quite well in the pandemic linking with his friends via gaming and online activities. Unlike other kids I know he works well independently, although I can see from his online interactions that he's a good team player too. I've also noticed with his friends that he has his own mind and can be assertive because he doesn't need constant validation or company.

It is important that parents also model that it's OK not to do an activity when you don't like it or have no time. That you don't have to say yes all the time.

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2021 08:57

I never played, it was fine. My husband did all that. He loved it, he’d play games, go to the park, play football. I’d just want to pass out with boredom. But I did thr chatting. The bed time stories, the dancing, and all the logistics, from buying toys and books to sorting play dates etc.

It worked for us, she’s a healthy well balanced 23 year old now, and will still laugh about how I didn’t play. I’d even start a game of monopoly and quit after ten mins because I couldn’t take it. 😂

Fluffien · 21/02/2021 08:59

My mum was the same @Bluntness100, she was and still is incredible in many ways, but playing wasn't one of them! She would be the first to admit it though, and fair play to her, it is boring haha.

Impossibleisnothing · 21/02/2021 09:17

I think playing hours and hours is just exaggerating it. Just 1/2 hour per day is plenty. Just sitting with them, complete attention to them. You don't have to play, just sitting next to them or watching them play. It's amazing to watch their personalities shine through when they do what they like the most.

Elsia · 21/02/2021 09:22

I can barely get mine dressed just now.

TillyTopper · 21/02/2021 09:37

I don't want to make you feel bad - but I thought I'd give you another view. I have two 19 yo DS now, I am more career woman than mum to be honest. However, the memories that count are the times we spent doing crafts, making things, baking etc. You don't have to do it all the time, just the odd thing but from looking back it really counts. However, I'm not saying you're a bad mum if you don't - my 2 are absolutely fine! Just my perspective!

Glittertwins · 21/02/2021 09:46

@suspiria777

letting the twins totally entertain themselves is a recipe for creepy/clingy/maladaptively close twins later on.

You have twins to back up your comment then? Nothing clingy or maladaptive about my 13 yr olds not any other set of twins B/G or not etc that we know

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 21/02/2021 10:30

@Bainne I said nothing about ‘doing it correctly’ clearly everyone parents differently and raises happy children regardless so there is no right or wrong.

It’s the attitude of ‘don’t like it, not doing it’ I find sad. Surely part and parcel of being a parent is putting your children first.

I do play as find it a great way of interacting with DD and encouraging imagination/learn through play. My mum played when I was little and it formed some of my favourite childhood memories.

StarrIntheSky · 21/02/2021 10:35

I love it I prefer staying in anyway. I’ve decided I won’t be returning to work after all this either it was too stressful for me and this has made me realise

StarrIntheSky · 21/02/2021 10:36

Crafting/baking/playing In the garden/reading etc it’s the simple things that make lovely memories and rushing around before I didn’t always have time and was too stressed

Elsia · 21/02/2021 10:44

I do baking, board games, reading, crafts with my girls (6 and 3). That’s fine.

Imaginative play - no. They have each other for that. I find it boring and cringe.