Please say I'm not the minority here...

[Sunshine3013]

I love my children and I would class myself as a good mum. However I work from home as a professional writer, and along with running the house and tending to their needs... I just don't find the time to really sit down and play with them. They are twins so are constantly playing with eachother and attend school.. I do take them out to play and do fun things with them but at home I don't find myself sitting and doing crafts or baking cakes and doing lego for an hour. I make sure my kids don't want for anything and I do spend time with them in other ways... However I often feel inadequate when I read all these mum blogs and the women seem to be doing all these fabulous at home adventures with their kids.

Please say I am not the minority...

My son doesn't care for arts n crafts, and has limited interest in baking (as do i). I'll do imaginative play, a bit of lego if pushed and lots of stupid chat. We interact plenty just not through things that look good on Instagram.

99.99% of people don't start blogging about their mundane boring lives and how they don't do all that much with the kids, do they?

The only ones you see are the show-offs.

YANBU at all!

I never do craft or play with my kids, never felt the slightest bit of guilt.
Home is the time (and place) to get chores done, and I think it's extremely important to teach them independence and to "be" at home without any parental input.

It's also important (and it did pay off during the lockdown) that they are used to either play or 'work" quietly when I am sitting down at my desk catching up with urgent work.

Baking and cooking we do a bit, but it's more because it's a basic skill, they'll need to cook for themselves so have to start. They don't need me to do play-do or legos. I hate board games.

I am genuinely amazed by the amount of people who must run from baby class to baby club from the first month, who spend HOURS playing and crafting - when do they even get time to get anything done?

We spend as many hours outside as possible, that's our quality time.

I also read to the little ones at bed time until they know how to read independently.

It's great if you enjoy playing with your kids, but if you don't, you don't need to! Mine are barely allowed tv and screens either.

Mum blogs are bad for any mother’s mental health. You have no evidence that anything they post is even true. You sound more than adequately engaged. It’s important that they learn to play with each other and on their own rather than being constantly being stimulated by other people.

From my experience, DH away nearly all week every week, juggling a professional career and childcare, I would say, just make sure you do these things occasionally. they remember them and still talk about them decades later. They were special, the inviting friends home for tea, the making marzipan pumpkins at Halloweeen, the reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe together, the beautiful party dress I once made, the birthday cake, still happily remembered decades later. You don't have to do these things often, just make sure you do them occasionally. They have resonated over the years, honestly. You don't need to do them all the time.

OP, the only unreasonable thing about your post is the fact that you even look at photos of other people's perfect families.

Thank God my children were little before social media were invented.

Fed and not dead is pretty good right now

Ha, yes. I wonder if we were on the same training course recently.

You are in the VAST majority.

People who do crafting etc with their kids do it because they like it, which is great, but as long as you are around for them - that’s all that matters.

I tried planting seeds with my 3 DCs on Saturday (10, 7 and 3).

Two hours of total carnage. Fighting, moaning and tears. It was torture.

DH stuck his head out of the window, took a couple of photos and put them on Instagram.

We looked like the bloody Waltons

Just to add, my post above was in more normal times,and I am full of admiration and sympathy for those trying to juggle WFH and childcare/ home schooling at the moment. Take a bow, all of you, 💕

@Crackerofdoom

I tried planting seeds with my 3 DCs on Saturday (10, 7 and 3).

Two hours of total carnage. Fighting, moaning and tears. It was torture.

DH stuck his head out of the window, took a couple of photos and put them on Instagram.

We looked like the bloody Waltons

😂👍🏻

Mine are 3 & 5. They play with each other, I occasionally play with them but I also find it boring. That’s why I had 2 so close together

I was an only child & always had to play by myself so it could be worse...

You are totally not being unreasonable, OP.

In my view, in terms of mums, you have participators and you have facilitators.

Both are good for kids and neither are wrong.

There is immense learning through play and free play to be had to
I find it really entertaining and also often very touching to watch my three young children engaged in role play and free play. Yes I sometimes have to intervene to prevent an altercation but overall I see a lot to be positive about: lots of imagination, intonation, empathy and resourcefulness. As well as negotiation skills!

Can’t Instagram that

For what it's worth… my mum never had time to play with me. When I would ask her (usually to play with Barbie dolls), she would always say she didn't know how, which I found funny as a 3/4 year old. The idea that there was something my mum didn't know how to do!

I actually believe this was true, in retrospect, as she had a very hard upbringing.

I meant to close my post with, she was and is the best mum in the world.

I don't remember my Mum ever doing crafts or imaginative play with me. Most of my time was spent playing with my brother, or meeting up with my Mum's friends who had kids the same age so they could drink coffee and listen to Take That whilst we played. Didn't do me any harm doesn't stop me feeling guilty though inexplicably

Nope you’re not alone. I don’t play with mine either. They play with each other.
Things I do do - take them on days out, read with them, plan fun holidays, talk with them a lot.
My parents didn’t play with me and they were wonderful!

I have twins too and the best thing about it was them being able to entertain themselves together. They are now 13 yrs old and perfectly capable of finding themselves things to do without us hovering anxiously over them to give them things.

Definitely not alone!

Not alone! I take my young DDs out to the park, the playground, to the cafe, on their bikes or scooters or walk ddog (obvs would be much more exciting things if it weren't for lockdown), but sitting indoors and playing with dolls or duplo for hours? No thanks.

Of course YANBU, I really do try and play with mine every now and then but it’s just so tedious. They are really into Barbies at the moment (5 and 7) but they can see I don’t really know how I’m meant to be playing so they let me get back to whatever I’m doing pretty quickly .
They watched Junior Bake off when it was on recently and really got into baking, so we have done quite a bit of baking in past few months. Also, they love chores and being a “mummy” so I grab them a stool and let them to washing up (just small bits) and that makes them feel so grown up. Then, when it’s laundry time, I get them to help me sort the laundry and I tell them how to turn washing machine on. They also nearly always pair up socks once they are dry. Honestly, they end up being really helpful.
As for arts and crafts, I enjoy those things myself and we would do some colouring or drawing together. We follow art for kids hub on yt, and then do a drawing of whatever they choose from the channel.
Of course, on the weekends we would go for a walk together as a family, sometimes play board games and (lockdown purchase) play Mario party on Nintendo switch.
All that said, they still play most of the time on their own. Luckily they are really close and love each other’s company.

You're absolutely not alone! I don't like playing with my toddler very much at the moment (very tedious developmental stage, can't wait til we can have a conversation that makes sense!), and I'm a full time SAHM so in theory I have loads of time to. I only have so much energy available to look interested in driving the same train round in the same way for the nine millionth time. I can't always get out of it easily, but I try to think about what I do like doing with him and do that instead.

I do like reading aloud to him, especially when I get to pick the book, so even though he's not quite three I've started reading chapter books to him while he does stuff (or cuddles if I'm lucky!). I get a rerun of my favourite children's books, he feels like Mummy is doing something for him, I am excused train duty. No idea how much he's getting out of the books really, but it's relaxing for both of us and doesn't make me feel like my lights are on but nobody's at home.

I love craft stuff in my hobby time, but I don't know how much I'd enjoy doing it with my children, tbh. I'd probably end up "helping" so much I just did it for them!

I’ve always enjoyed doing things with my kids that have a finite time (playing a game, reading a book, crafts and cooking).

What I hate (but DH is good at) is imaginative play that goes beyond 10 minutes. I’m not making Barbie talk! Leave me alone!

You don't even need to ask this question. Think back to your own childhood- did your mother sit and play with you and do crafts and bake? I was an 80's child and I spent a lot of time being looked after by grandmother who would shoo us out the back so she could clean, when she had bleached the fuck out of everything we would sit and watch wrestling on a Saturday afternoon whilst she entertained us with her party trick of blowing smoke rings whilst chain smoking from her favourite chair in the corner.
Tell that to those instagtam mummy twats. Incidentally I went to Oxford and have a very successful career. I never bake, let alone with my children and I send them to nursery to do crafts. Put that in a blog.