to feel like less of a person because I've never had a relationship?

[AureliainBlack]

I'm not particularly lonely or unhappy, but I feel like I am in a glass bubble, just watching everyone else.

My friends are starting to talk about settling down, planning weddings and babies. I'm so pleased for them but it feels like a different life to mine, one I can't even begin to imagine.

Would you judge someone who was 29 and never dated? Do you think it radiates off me, that I'm weird and unloveable?

Would I judge you for being single?no. Not dated before? No
However if you radiate self doubt and loathing as weird and unloveable that’ll affect how people treat you

Have you wanted to date? If so what has stopped you? You're definitely not unloveable just because you haven't dated. You do have to get out there and meet people though if you want to find someone (not great at the mo for this obviously!). x

No, I wouldn't judge you at all but I can understand your feelings.

Do you want to date, or a relationship? Or are you happy being just you?

I think the thing to remember is that dating involves a lot of effort and resilience and whether you date frequently or just go for that one person, it means putting yourself out of your comfort zone.

Do you want to date? Do you feel less or is it society and thinking about what you "should" want? Can you imagine yourself in a relationship?

(I'm 42 and never had a relationship, probably will never have one and am fine with that.)

I just never seemed to get started at the same time as all my peers, and then it all snowballed into a huge list of things I haven't done.

I've been on a few first dates but I don't know how to flirt, and I get so introverted when I'm nervous. I don't think I have the personality to be successful at online dating.

I thought for a long time that 'it' would all be easy when/ if I could only meet the right person, but now I'm beginning to think that's not true.

What do you want?do you want to date,to feel you need to because everyone else is?

I don't know. I can't imagine there being another person in my flat just now, or having to sleep in the same bed as a man, but sometimes I think it would be so nice to have a person to look after and someone to look after me.

This was me at 28.

I then started a relationship with a guy who turned out to be a emotionally abusive narcissist. This resulted in a long overdue total breakdown and depression, fortunately my employer had quality counseling available and I took advantage of this. All my issues related back to my controlling emotionally abusive narcissistic mother.

I'm 40 now, married with a toddler and no contact with my mother.

There is plenty of time for you, but it is worth figuring out why you haven't had any relationships. Also beware of abusive men, they can spot a weakness a mile off!!

I hope not because I'm in the same boat😅 but mines due to me being fat, ugly, low self esteem with severe anxiety and depression but working on myself to lose the weight.

The year l got married five other friends also got married. We had one other close friend. She had never had a relationship. A few years later she met a guy through work. They married and had 3 kids fairly rapidly. They match each other so well. They have a great outdoor life and have a lovely family atmosphere. I couldn't imagine her being married to anyone else.
We never thought of her as any less...we just saw her, our friend

@AureliainBlack

I don't know. I can't imagine there being another person in my flat just now, or having to sleep in the same bed as a man, but sometimes I think it would be so nice to have a person to look after and someone to look after me.

This is similar to me. At the end of weddings when couples are slow dancing or watching a good romcom, I think it would be good but I know practically it won't work.

Maybe have a google about asexuality, aromantic, or demi romantic.

So just date but don’t cohabitate, see folk but on terms that mutually suit both

I wouldn’t think any less of you. I think there are quite a few people out there in the same boat but it isn’t talked about because people feel ashamed (even though they shouldn’t). I would consider trying online dating and just take things really slow. You don’t need to tell people your whole story on a first date, so don’t feel pressured to do so. Only open up when you feel comfortable that you can trust them. Wishing you all the best OP.

I'll let you into a little secret: I think you're actually bloody lucky and people like you will get more done in life and learn far more about themselves than people who waste years on relationships.

Relationships serve a purpose but outside of the need to bear and rear children in a stable and supported environment they are vastly overvalued: a huge time and emotion vacuum.

I can understand how you feel odd and different and I sympathise. But long-term you're better off. The friends you have now who are falling over themselves worrying about their weddings etc will look at you in 20 years and envy you.

I wouldn't judge you no. I have a friend exactly the same as you but we are early to mid 30s.

What would you like your friends to do? Do you think they can do anything?

Do you want to meet someone?

You're enough as you are but if you do want to meet someone see what you can do :) now isn't a great time of course!

@AureliainBlack

I don't know. I can't imagine there being another person in my flat just now, or having to sleep in the same bed as a man, but sometimes I think it would be so nice to have a person to look after and someone to look after me.

I think there is a window where people learn this like they learn other social skills and if something got in the way then, it feels a lot harder later on. If it is something you want for yourself, then dont give up - I was talking to an 80+ something a few years ago who was about to move area because she had met someone and was getting married. Like any skill, it feels weird at first, and gets easier. Do some reading (I know it is cliched but it can help) and practice practice practice. if you feel you are better on your own, do that. There is a whole world of people (esp women) who prefer to be on their own. www.sashacagen.com/quirkyalone/

@AureliainBlack

I just never seemed to get started at the same time as all my peers, and then it all snowballed into a huge list of things I haven't done.

I've been on a few first dates but I don't know how to flirt, and I get so introverted when I'm nervous. I don't think I have the personality to be successful at online dating.

I thought for a long time that 'it' would all be easy when/ if I could only meet the right person, but now I'm beginning to think that's not true.

You might actually find OLD better, because you have time to think of your reply.

Quick off the cuff flirting isn't as important

@AureliainBlack

I don't know. I can't imagine there being another person in my flat just now, or having to sleep in the same bed as a man, but sometimes I think it would be so nice to have a person to look after and someone to look after me.

Specifically a man?

I feel like I am in a glass bubble, just watching everyone else.

I know this feeling. Unfortunately it doesn't happen for everyone, and you get to watch the rest of the world falling in love, getting married and having children which, if you would have liked that for yourself, sort of sucks. Therapy might help, but it didn't for me.

YABU to feel like less of a person though I kept feeling like that in my late twenties and was just like you regarding relationships then suddenly it all took off just as I relaxed and thought so this is me and started planning and seeing my future as a single person. Never say never, they say.

I think there is a window where people learn this like they learn other social skills and if something got in the way then, it feels a lot harder later on.

Yes, I do feel like this! Like everyone else has skills I don't.

I don't think I'm gay. If I imagine kissing someone, it's a man.

I'm sorry you feel like this too @LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour. How do other people manage so easily?!

If it helps I know two people one male, one female who were 28 and 32 respectively, never dated and convinced they were “past it and it wasn’t going to happen now” who are now in very happy cohabiting relationships!

I don’t really have any other advice at the moment I’m afraid but it can and does happen for people

Surprised that so many people know someone in their 20's or 30's who have never been in a relationship. I wish it was more talked about as then people like the OP would not feel so anxious or alone.
Personally, if you are in the right relationship it does not feel like a chore or hard work. My DP is the most important person in my life and makes me extremely happy. I would be happy without him if I was forced to be but he adds to my life and now I can't imagine him not in it.
What I am trying to say is, relationships don't have to be hard work and they do not have to be the 'be all and all' either. Society says we should all be in relationships and that being alone is lacking but everyone is different. The important thing is what makes you happy. What works for one does not work for another.

I'm not unhappy. My life is fine, really. I could imagine myself being happy with a husband and children, but I also feel like I'd have to make myself unhappy to get to that point... does any of that make sense?