AIBU to hate going for walks?

[junebaby2020]

I'm still on maternity leave and DH is on furlough. We try to get out for a walk with our 8 month old most days so they can get a change of scenery and some fresh air.

However, I just can't stand going out - I hate the miserable cold weather, the fucking relentless grey skies and the boring, concrete, suburban area we live in with very little to see or do, particularly as everything is shut due to lockdown.

I just feel so lethargic, dread the thought of walking anywhere (it seems like so much effort to walk walk walk for an hour or two) and just CBA - I'd much rather sit at home on the sofa with a cuppa and some biscuits and put my feet up.

Is it normal to feel like this or am I exceptionally lethargic/lazy?

I guess I just have a different experience because I hated mat leave anyway

I never went to any baby groups because I was too depressed and anxious and felt constantly judged. I get the point of toddler groups that the child actually enjoys but baby groups are for mums to chat which was always about stuff I was failing at. I would have loved to sit in cafes but that would have depended on DD not screaming her head off which she seemed to do 24-7. I didn't have or make any mum friends to ask over. I would have been ashamed of the state of the house anyway. I think I spent my whole mat leave breastfeeding, rocking to sleep, cleaning up sick and poo, 'sleeping when the baby sleeps' ie in half hour bursts and making food that would
never be eaten.

About my only pleasure at that time was going for a walk with her in a sling (wouldn't lay in a pram) because then she might sleep or at least be quiet.

I went back to work as soon as I could. Things have only improved since then. It seems I just don't do babies.

Horses for courses I guess.

If you really live in an boring area, why not go jogging instead of walking so you make it a goal and increase your fitness.

I didn't like running with a tiny baby, felt too bouncy for them, but at 8 months old gentle job is fine

or just use that time to listen to music, a podcast, radio shows, or any show where you won't miss the picture?

when you can’t help but compare it to what you should be doing instead. Many of us DID take their baby for a daily walk!
Nothing against parents using the baby creches at their local gyms, but many of us were not too comfortable about it.

I understand taking toddlers to various groups and class, even if they are far too young to play with others, the variety of toys, songs and activities is good for them.

A BABY? they are not missing out on anything. Babies do not need constant entertainment. Just get on with your own life with them next to you, their toys and you just interact with them.

Parents put far too much pressure on themselves.

A BABY? they are not missing out on anything. *Babies do not need constant entertainment. Just get on with your own life with them next to you, their toys and you just interact with them.

Parents put far too much pressure on themselves*

This! I had my baby last August. She's my third. Her life is no different to how her two older siblings were as babies. I loved their first years, just pottering around the house and garden with them, having naps, playing ( I've got huge age gaps so naps are doable!) We didn't really see anyone, just grandparents every 6 weeks or so.

But still, all I've had is handwringing from Dh family feeling sorry for the "lockdown baby". Drives me bonkers.

My 18 year old has grown up pretty unscathed by not going to groups and classes until he was 18 months or so.

All we do is the supermarket in the morning and a walk to the park in the afternoon. Every. Single. Day. It’s soul destroying.

@ColdBrightClearMorning this! I’m also so sad that I can’t go along to the baby groups at my library. They have a really good programme but of course it’s all shut due to sodding Covid.

I live in the country. Used to love walking. But I'm bored of walks now. And I'm bored of where I live now too. I want a day trip or a nice meal out or a trip to the theatre.

Just something different would be really nice. Maybe once this is all over I'll enjoy walks again.

@teamdebbievssorelosers

If you really live in an boring area, why not go jogging instead of walking so you make it a goal and increase your fitness.

I didn't like running with a tiny baby, felt too bouncy for them, but at 8 months old gentle job is fine

or just use that time to listen to music, a podcast, radio shows, or any show where you won't miss the picture?

when you can’t help but compare it to what you should be doing instead. Many of us DID take their baby for a daily walk!
Nothing against parents using the baby creches at their local gyms, but many of us were not too comfortable about it.

Cool? My own hopes for my only mat leave I’ll ever have weren’t going on daily endless walks just to get out of the house cos there was nothing else to do and I was going crazy from the loneliness. Nobody is criticising you enjoying going for walks with your children. I definitely felt I was missing out on a lot I would otherwise have been doing.

@teamdebbievssorelosers

I understand taking toddlers to various groups and class, even if they are far too young to play with others, the variety of toys, songs and activities is good for them.

A BABY? they are not missing out on anything. Babies do not need constant entertainment. Just get on with your own life with them next to you, their toys and you just interact with them.

Parents put far too much pressure on themselves.

With respect, you come across a little sneery with your ‘A BABY!?’, surely you’re aware that plenty of new parents like to take their babies out and about on mat leave? This can’t be news to you.

To an extent I agree re the pressure... I have known some parents feel bad for example if they’re not talking baby swimming or to sensory class in the first year. But ultimately plenty of parents want to do that stuff, they’re not unnecessarily pressuring themselves, it’s what they want. I always thought everyone understood that those groups and classes in the early months are for the parent not the baby anyway?

I loved having a place to be at a specific time to structure our day around, the challenge of having to be up and ready, dressing my baby and ‘showing him off’ (not overtly but just the pride of taking him out knowing I was finally a mum), the social aspect, chatting to other parents even briefly, a sense of accomplishment. I was under no illusion that he would learn new skills from our baby music group. It was for me. And it’s been very difficult to cope with the isolation of having all of that taken away.

Fair enough if that wasn’t something you wanted or needed to do, but lots of new parents do.

And yes, quite aside from my own feelings about having missed out on a lot of my mat leave, I do believe DS has missed out. Not on baby groups and singalongs, but on forming loving relationships with his family and friends. My sole living parent has met him three times and he’s now 14m. People have lost an awful lot more during the pandemic than not being able to go to a baby group. He might not understand what he’s lost, but I know. And it’s so sad.

I’m in awe of those who’ve breezed through new parenthood during a pandemic, it’s certainly not the case for any of the new parents I know in real life. Some competitive performative coping going on on MN at times for sure.

I love walking but I live rurally and my walks are in a bucolic setting. However, I have lived in London and hated going for walks when I lived there, I just couldn’t get excited about them, so YANBU, I would feel the same as you if I lived in the burbs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I enjoy walks, but there does seem to be some social tone deafness here. Yes, I’m sure walking is great if you live in the countryside, or in the midst of a big city. But if you live on an expansive 1960s brutalist estate with nothing but sprawling concrete for miles around you can’t be surprised that people would be sick of the same walks.

I walk my dogs daily and love going for walks but even I'm getting tired of the same few off-lead routes we do, which are even more limited because everywhere is ankle-deep in sloppy mud right now - in no small part due to all the extra foot traffic as people have nothing else to do. Roll on dryer weather and dryer ground!

I realise I missed the point of this thread, but you do you. I also love the Boss Family Groovealongs on Instagram if gentle dancing indoors is more your thing :)

But if you live on an expansive 1960s brutalist estate with nothing but sprawling concrete for miles around you can’t be surprised that people would be sick of the same walks.

True, but the majority of people probably don't go on walks for exercise or fun anyway in normal times, regardless of where they live. So it's not that surprising that going for their allowed exercise atm feels more like a chore they ought to do than a fun pastime. If you don't like walking, you're not going to suddenly love it just because there's a pandemic.

Ive found walking great for my MH although I very rately want to go and have to force myself. I usually spend half the walk grumbling about the rain etc but by the time i get home my anxiety has gone, or has at least got better.

I live in an urban area but there's a park a mile away. The paths are a bit muddy but its pretty and i make myself go even in the rsin. Usually at lunchtime i go for a quick mile round walk round the blocks, nd after work i walk to the nice park.

I think its really important to get out of the house especially if you work frpm home. For mos of us, were not walking to the bus stop or getting outside as we normally would and if were not careful well spend all day inside. You might think that thats a lovely thought - but for me and most people i know it is no good for ypur MH to be cooped up inside, bored. We need fresh air!

I find that when works busy i long for days off to just coloyr and watch tv. When i can do that, i feel absolutely crap. Ive walked to the shop earlier, and to the paharmacy this afternoon, but its atill light out and my phone needs charging so im gonna leave it at home and go for a walk. I spnt particularly want tp but i force myself.

I imagine im a 5year old, whixh seems to help. If i had a child i wouldnt allow them to stay in all day every day, i wouldnt encourage erratic bedtimes or chocolate for breakfast - nd so i give myself the same courtesy. If i wouldnt want a child living how i am then why i am i letting myself do it?

I love to walk in the sun even if it’s freezing, and tbh I like to walk in the miserable weather too. I am just picky about where I walk. I live in an area with lots of lovely walks so I really love to do those walks but I don’t LOVE driving to go for a walk (when we used to do that). As in, all day 5hr+ hikes. I like to do them on holiday but I don’t have the energy for it on the weekends.

With respect, you come across a little sneery with your ‘A BABY!?’, surely you’re aware that plenty of new parents like to take their babies out and about on mat leave? This can’t be news to you.*

I am not being sneery, I just meant that there's still enough to do with a baby that they are not missing out at all.

I loved the challenge of having to be up and ready, the social aspect, chatting to other parents even briefly, a sense of accomplishment.

I honestly cannot even begin to understand that, or how it remotely is a challenge.

if you are that desperate, you can just organise to meet a friend at a set time in a park or somewhere, people are meeting all the time, just call it a bubble. With an under-1, pretty sure it's not even against any rule.

I guess I never saw maternity leave as a long holiday, just as a necessary break as too tired to function and work efficiently, time to rest, settle your baby.

After seeing my DH being tutted at or rudely ignored because a MAN dared walking into a baby cleaning or play group, I have never felt very interested in them, that's true. I am not very partial, plus once you have several kids, you have better things to do anyway!

I hate walking, but as you are limited to gentle exercise post birth, light jogs were the only real option with a baby. Nothing judgemental about that.

@teamdebbievssorelosers

With respect, you come across a little sneery with your ‘A BABY!?’, surely you’re aware that plenty of new parents like to take their babies out and about on mat leave? This can’t be news to you.*

I am not being sneery, I just meant that there's still enough to do with a baby that they are not missing out at all.

I loved the challenge of having to be up and ready, the social aspect, chatting to other parents even briefly, a sense of accomplishment.

I honestly cannot even begin to understand that, or how it remotely is a challenge.

if you are that desperate, you can just organise to meet a friend at a set time in a park or somewhere, people are meeting all the time, just call it a bubble. With an under-1, pretty sure it's not even against any rule.

I guess I never saw maternity leave as a long holiday, just as a necessary break as too tired to function and work efficiently, time to rest, settle your baby.

After seeing my DH being tutted at or rudely ignored because a MAN dared walking into a baby cleaning or play group, I have never felt very interested in them, that's true. I am not very partial, plus once you have several kids, you have better things to do anyway!

I was that desperate and I did do that as much as possible. But people have lives and work and commitments, baby groups were a place where you were guaranteed some social contact and support in a nice warm safe environment. Really different in my experience to trying to find someone you’re close to who’s willing and able to come stand in the cold for half an hour in the park. Not to mention how difficult it can be giving a bottle or breastfeeding and changing a baby in a park in the middle of winter. Even in summer!

I’m surprised you can’t see how that could be a challenge for some. I can only speak for myself here but I was desperately exhausted from triple feeding, being up most of the night with the baby and then going to pump when he finally fell asleep, only for him to wake again before I got chance to get some sleep... I was in a great deal of pain after the birth, for a long time, which was exhausting and made getting dressed daunting (jeans, even jogging bottoms, ouch!), and it took time to get to grips with the whole process of getting both of us ready to leave, baby would shit again so we’d have to go change, just about to leave and he’d be sick, or need a feed, and so forth.

In the very early weeks I remember it feeling like a huge challenge once DH went back to work to simply get us both dressed and out of the door, my first goal was to walk a minute down the street and back again.

Surely I’m not unusual there? Don’t any other parents remember how challenging it felt with a newborn to even leave the house? It gave me a great sense of accomplishment.

Hopefully @teamdebbievssorelosers I’ve helped you to start to understand how what I said can in fact be a challenge to many new parents.

Oh for an edit button...

It’s also worth bearing in mind that your experience isn’t necessarily everyone else’s. You may have been lucky enough to have a straightforward birth and recovery. Many women don’t. You may have been mentally well. Many women experience postnatal depression and anxiety which (for reasons I’m sure I don’t need to outline) can also make it very challenging to cope with a baby. Or maybe you had a very difficult time of it and still took to parenting like a duck to water... or you didn’t and you’ve forgotten what it’s like?

Oh look, that's 4 cars so far, how many more do you think we'll see? How many are yellow? Do you think you'd prefer to drive a blue car or a silver car? I wonder where that car is off to? Conversation. That thing where the breeze is shot with the back and forth of conversation.

I don’t mind them as long as it is cloudy and cold but not raining too much. The minute the sun peaks out and I have to start slathering on spf 100 not to burn to a crisp in a few minutes, I hate stepping foot outdoors. I’ve just come to accept that the family jokes about me being part-vampire are actually true. Mom must have had an interesting encounter one night

The above is aimed at a poster asking about counting cars. Last time I checked, an 8 month old benefits a lot from conversation. I've had so much time with my baby through to being a toddler in this pandemic and there is literally no end to all the things you can show and point at and discuss, even on an estate like the one I live on.

I’m torn about recreational walking. I grew up on a farm, in the depths of beautiful countryside. I’ve never, ever, not even once, known my parents to go for a walk locally: farmers generally don’t - they are too busy and they drive everywhere they need to go. «Walks» are for visiting townies and incomers. I used to go for walks with my gran when she visited, but that was about it.

Fast forward to today, and I live city centre. I quite like a walk - especially with friends / coffee etc (though I still have a voice in my head that says «really? Haven’t you got something more productive to do?»)

@ColdBrightClearMorning

Oh for an edit button...

It’s also worth bearing in mind that your experience isn’t necessarily everyone else’s. You may have been lucky enough to have a straightforward birth and recovery. Many women don’t. You may have been mentally well. Many women experience postnatal depression and anxiety which (for reasons I’m sure I don’t need to outline) can also make it very challenging to cope with a baby. Or maybe you had a very difficult time of it and still took to parenting like a duck to water... or you didn’t and you’ve forgotten what it’s like?

I didn't, but we are all different. I just don't really think a baby group is the answer to everything, and I am just a bit puzzled how much people seem to focus on them. It's a bit sad that some parents think the first year of their baby's life has been basically ruined because of lockdown. It's too much.

I remember the petitions started to ask for longer paid maternity leave in the first lockdown because new mums felt they "missed out" and deserved a longer break. That didn't go very far. Many people agreed it was not reasonable.