To stop dating this man for this reason?

[natinoo]

(Not in the U.K. so not in lockdown)

Met a guy recently and the first time I met him, he came across like he took himself way too seriously and was trying too hard. He was a bit of a show-off and also a bit patronising. He came across a bit fake. Not hugely but just enough to irk me.

I deciding to give him a second chance, while also making it clear that I wasn't impressed by such behaviour (I communicated it in a nice way ). The next date was much better and by date 5, any pretence or superiority complex had completely gone and he turned out to be completely lovely and very humble.

I introduced him to 5 of my friends this week and was horrified that he was the version of himself I met the first time. Not only did my friends not like him....I didn't like him!

My friends were very very overt about their dislike for him when I spoke to them afterwards and frankly, I'm not surprised.

It's completely taken the wind out of my sails with him now. It seems to just be his manner when he meets new people (nerves maybe?) but it's horrid knowing my friends can't stand him!

Maybe he behaves like that because he’s really uneasy around new people, especially when he really wants them to like him?

I dated a bloke who thought most people were idiots and beneath him. He was super insecure.
I felt for him and also felt very special being one of the few people in the world he deemed worthy of his time.
He had no real friends and didn’t see his family.
Guess what! A year in, he was treating me with contempt as I was no longer a novelty and he’d already shown me he didn’t think much of most people - I was soon lumped in with them.
He’d shown he who he was early on, but I chose not to believe him........... lesson learned.......

@BloodyCovid

I dated a bloke who thought most people were idiots and beneath him. He was super insecure. I felt for him and also felt very special being one of the few people in the world he deemed worthy of his time. He had no real friends and didn’t see his family. Guess what! A year in, he was treating me with contempt as I was no longer a novelty and he’d already shown me he didn’t think much of most people - I was soon lumped in with them. He’d shown he who he was early on, but I chose not to believe him........... lesson learned.......

Exactly the same! I felt privileged, unique, to be favoured by him. It ended in a similar way to you describe. He was just an unpleasant person with an unfortunate personality, who didn't like people very much. Came across as shy but he wasn't.

Pity, because he was very good looking.

@natinoo

Well two days later he pissed me off so much with a patronising, disrespectful comment, that I ended it anyway.

And then he tried to tell me it was both of our ideas to end it

That told me everything I needed to know about his true colours!

I hope you learned something from it, though. Next time, honestly, don't waste your time second guessing, analysing, giving more chances, thinking you're unkind or wrong not to see some great underlying reason for the other person's behaviour. They act like that the first time, just move on. FGS, no idea why so many women twist themselves in knots like this. He was never giving it a second thought. Cut and run. Next!

100%

I’ve wasted enough time in my life trying to explain and excuse other people’s foibles in an attempt to feel well-rounded and measured. What I have surmised is that it makes no odds...people stay true to form however you analyse them.
I’m not a service. Can’t be arsed.

Sounds to me like he needs to overcompensate in situations when he meets new people due to some inferiority complex - rather than a superiority one. when people are anxious or shy they can be arseholes so conceal factors about themselves that they see as weaknesses.

@BakingABean123

Sounds to me like he needs to overcompensate in situations when he meets new people due to some inferiority complex - rather than a superiority one. when people are anxious or shy they can be arseholes so conceal factors about themselves that they see as weaknesses.

Actually, scrap that, I read the rest of the thread on this guy and can't delete this original post. He was an asshole.