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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly irritated at this?

55 replies

Pipperleen · 18/02/2021 09:23

DH and I completely disagree - see what you think.

I feel like I am constantly getting annoyed by DH’s carelessness. He argues that I have no right to be as he doesn’t do these things on purpose.
Some examples include dropping his phone on the laminate floor in our bedroom and waking up our 4 month old, singing at the top of his voice around the house whilst she’s trying to nap, generally clattering about and dropping stuff whilst we are going to bed so she wakes up.
Breaking glasses - we got some heavy bottomed champagne glasses for our wedding, none are left. Things like standing them upside down and then knocking them over, breaking them when trying to get other things in that cupboard. Not a big deal but just a bit annoying! Same goes with various cups, bowls and plates.
Yesterday he broke the shower as he was trying to move the head with such force and snapped it. Again, it wasn’t on purpose so I can’t be cross he says.

I feel like I’m always saying ‘just be a bit more careful next time’ like I’m his mother or something. In my head I’m trying to tell myself to chill out but at the same time I think ‘why can’t we have nice things?’.

What do you reckon?
YABU chill out, it’s an accident
YANBU you have the right to be a bit peeved at times!

OP posts:
Fortunefavours1 · 18/02/2021 09:29

Yanbu. How is singing loudly and clattering at bedtime thus waking baby up things he can't help? Hope he's dealing with crying baby if he wakes her up

Washimal · 18/02/2021 09:34

Some people are just naturally clumsy and he may not be able to help that. He could make an effort to be quieter when the baby is asleep though? I think tiredness and lockdown definitely make these little irritations harder to cope with so it's not surprising that you're getting frustrated with each other.

Rupertbeartrousers · 18/02/2021 09:34

Both I guess... he probably can’t help being clumsy, but should learn from experience to be more careful doing this or that because x might happen (again). That’s the view I take with kids anyway (but I’m the accident prone one in our house so maybe not the best person to comment)

wifterwafter · 18/02/2021 09:38

Does he have dyspraxia? Is he just naturally clumsy?

Theunamedcat · 18/02/2021 09:41

If he wakes the baby he settles the baby

Unanananana · 18/02/2021 09:43

The singing and clattering around he can help. Breaking the showerhead was just plain stupid and he should be replacing it. He could be dyspraxic judging by the rest of it. Does he have a diagnosis?

Either way, you shouldn't have to 'mummy' him. He needs to take a look at himself and sort it. You must be on edge all the time, I couldn't live like that.

Surlyburd · 18/02/2021 09:45

My dh exactly like this. Constantly breaking stuff, walking onto doorways and stubbing his toes, then shouting. Dropping phone, keys, change late at night. Frustrating, but don't think he can change.

FourEyesGood · 18/02/2021 09:47

I don’t have anything other useful to say, other than thank you for using such moderate language in your title and post. You aren’t ‘fuming’, ‘raging’ or ready to tear his head off - you’re a bit peeved and slightly irritated. Grin

junebirthdaygirl · 18/02/2021 09:52

My first thought was dyspraxia. Look it up and see if it rings any bells. You might need to put things in place if he has like using cheap dishes for general use and keeping expensive glasses safely
I have it in my family and recognize a lot of what you said.

GintyMcGinty · 18/02/2021 09:54

It's better to be a bit noisy round sleeping babies.

If you have a constant hush they will always require it to be completely silent to sleep.

EggscellentEggplant · 18/02/2021 10:01

Well I have been known to give my DH the death stare when he moves too loudly near our sleeping baby. The only thing that will send my little one to sleep is to breastfeed so he can't help settle her. HOWEVER if he was doing what your DH is doing then I would absolutely tell him he can settle DC back down, and watch him struggle to realise how annoying it is for him to wake her!

Original poster
Pipperleen · 18/02/2021 10:12

Thank you for your nuggets of wisdom everyone. I am going to look into the dyspraxia thing for sure.
I think we will try a little bit of sharing the settling of DD - this could be what’s needed for him to try a little bit harder! ...or at least to stop throwing his jeans, complete with belt buckle, on the wooden floor in the dead of night...

OP posts:
Fortunefavours1 · 18/02/2021 10:41

Throwing jeans with belt, on wooden floor, middle of night...

Ain't no doctor in the land can convince me that's dyspraxia.

Palavah · 18/02/2021 10:44

YANBU and I am naturally clumsy. So I am very deliberately careful with precious things. It sounds as though he isn't doing that.

Fortunefavours1 · 18/02/2021 10:47

Op I bet if you went out and left baby napping with him, he would be quiet as a mouse.

XJerseyGirlX · 18/02/2021 10:49

I'm Naturally clumsy but like poster above have acknowledged it and and make an effort to be more careful with glasses and precious things. I have been known ( quite often thinking about it ) to throw a whole glass of whatever I'm drinking around the kitchen for no reason , simply cos my arm jolts lol

HaHaVeryBunny · 18/02/2021 10:51

He sounds a bit clumsy, so wouldn't be an issue for me.
Not being quiet to ensure baby sleeps is different though.
You need to sit down and explain why it's such a big deal the knock on effect it has on you and baby etc...
Is he really that unself-aware or is it deliberately done?

Muskox · 18/02/2021 10:54

I'm a bit clumsy and sometimes accidentally break things - I can tell DH finds it annoying as he is really careful, but I honestly can't help it.

The singing is different. Of course he can stop himself doing that!

LilMidge01 · 18/02/2021 11:13

Eh my DP is pretty clumsy too...more that he always just does stuff with more force than needed (the shower head sounds so him!), turning water in the sink on at max and it splashing everywhere, slamming doors/cupboards etc. It drives me bonkers but i try and not mentione it too much because also, I don't want to spend my life chastising him like I'm his mother (we don't have a baby so don't have that issue of waking).

Ultimately, I mention it if tis really bad or he could make more effort (like your singing example is just being thoughtless) but i can also see that it makes him feel childish and silly and so I try and respect that and just deal with it (I'm sure I have annoying habits and wouldn't want them constantly pointed out to me, eroding my self esteem). But still 'eh'...there's no right and wrong answer here really. Question is would you still rather have him with you and clumsy than be without him? I'm guessing like me, the answer is the former. So I deal with it.

Brefugee · 18/02/2021 11:13

Don't share the settling of DD - make him do it every time. He sounds like a bit of a knob if he doesn't apologise. If he knows he's lclumsy (or dyspraxia) he should be more aware of rootling around in cupboards.

But the singing? I'd probably punch someone for that.

mrsm43s · 18/02/2021 11:19

My DH is definitely less careful than me. (He's not inconsiderate, so the noise/baby waking wasn't an issue for me). The thing that helped most was me explaining to him that my possessions, even cheap ones, were important to me, and it mattered to me if they were broken, chipped, stained, lost etc. To him, a mug is a mug, cheap or even corporate gifts, so if it breaks, meh it can be replaced easily enough. To me, I choose my mugs carefully to meet my needs, or they have sentimental value. So if one of my Le Creuset mugs gets broken, I'm upset, because it's more expensive to replace, its been especially chosen because I like it, it's one of a set that is now incomplete etc. Or if the Beatrix Potter mug that I've had since childhood gets chipped, I'm upset because I've looked after it all these years and it has happy memories for me. Once he understood this, he started treating my things much more carefully, because, frankly, he's not an arsehole and he doesn't want to damage things that matter to me.

Of course he still sometimes breaks things, but now I know that he wasn't being careless, it was a genuine mistake, and most importantly he apologises and is quite contrite when something is broken. He'll also be the one to source the replacement etc.

So maybe have a chat with your DH and explain that everyday items that are fairly cheap/easily replaceable to him have value to you, and ask him to take a bit more care. If he's a decent person, he'll make an effort.

MyLittleOrangutan · 18/02/2021 11:22

Every single thing you've said are things that are his fault and that he could prevent. Singing and waking up his child? Wtf? Is he a child?

DimidDavilby · 18/02/2021 11:30

Dyspraxia my arse.

Skin him and use him as a rug. 2 birds one stone.

DimidDavilby · 18/02/2021 11:31

I think at least a "you wake the baby, you settle the baby" policy.

LindaEllen · 18/02/2021 11:33

We have this issue with older teen DSS. It's so difficult. I get that some people are just naturally clumsy, but it really winds me up that he breaks things and then me or DP have to go to the effort and expense of replacing or fixing them.

Most recently we had a new kitchen fitted and he pulled one of the drawers so hard that it came out (literally no need to pull it out that far) and the bottom cracked and the front panel so it will no longer hold together. We got a kitchen that was end of the line to save some money (risky I know, but we never imagined this happening) so we have no way of replacing it.

He scratches the worktops by cutting toast directly on them instead of using a board or a plate.

He's cracked the toilet seat by letting go of the lid instead of closing it gently.

His window won't open as he snapped the handle.

His bed has broken slats as he 'fell heavily onto it' (read: took a running jump).

There is always broken glass in his room from when he's dropped glasses and not cleaned up properly.

Holes in clothes from where he's snagged them on things. Broken phone/switch/watch screens.

It's fucking bizarre and there's loads more than what I've said.

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