To be slightly irritated at this?

[Pipperleen]

DH and I completely disagree - see what you think.

I feel like I am constantly getting annoyed by DH’s carelessness. He argues that I have no right to be as he doesn’t do these things on purpose.
Some examples include dropping his phone on the laminate floor in our bedroom and waking up our 4 month old, singing at the top of his voice around the house whilst she’s trying to nap, generally clattering about and dropping stuff whilst we are going to bed so she wakes up.
Breaking glasses - we got some heavy bottomed champagne glasses for our wedding, none are left. Things like standing them upside down and then knocking them over, breaking them when trying to get other things in that cupboard. Not a big deal but just a bit annoying! Same goes with various cups, bowls and plates.
Yesterday he broke the shower as he was trying to move the head with such force and snapped it. Again, it wasn’t on purpose so I can’t be cross he says.

I feel like I’m always saying ‘just be a bit more careful next time’ like I’m his mother or something. In my head I’m trying to tell myself to chill out but at the same time I think ‘why can’t we have nice things?’.

What do you reckon?
YABU chill out, it’s an accident
YANBU you have the right to be a bit peeved at times!

My otherwise wonderful DH is the clumsiest person I have ever met. He just has to look at a glass and it will smash. He also trips up on thin air. Not dyspraxia, just very easily distracted! I have learned to take it in my stride as there is no changing him and I'm so used to it now, I can't muster the energy to get annoyed anymore when I hear the sound of something breaking in his vicinity

@LindaEllen

We have this issue with older teen DSS. It's so difficult. I get that some people are just naturally clumsy, but it really winds me up that he breaks things and then me or DP have to go to the effort and expense of replacing or fixing them.

Most recently we had a new kitchen fitted and he pulled one of the drawers so hard that it came out (literally no need to pull it out that far) and the bottom cracked and the front panel so it will no longer hold together. We got a kitchen that was end of the line to save some money (risky I know, but we never imagined this happening) so we have no way of replacing it.

He scratches the worktops by cutting toast directly on them instead of using a board or a plate.

He's cracked the toilet seat by letting go of the lid instead of closing it gently.

His window won't open as he snapped the handle.

His bed has broken slats as he 'fell heavily onto it' (read: took a running jump).

There is always broken glass in his room from when he's dropped glasses and not cleaned up properly.

Holes in clothes from where he's snagged them on things. Broken phone/switch/watch screens.

It's fucking bizarre and there's loads more than what I've said.

He sounds like a careless idiot.

I'm dyspraxic. It's not an excuse for being a twat and it doesn't make you need to sing loudly while your child is asleep.

It amazes me how much bad behaviour is excused by assumed medical diagnosis on mumsnet.

There's accidents and then there's carelessness and thoughtlessness.

Just because something was not done on purpose or maliciously doesn't mean the person isn't responsible.

I might not mean to clip someone's side mirror but I'm responsible for repairing it for example. People who do something then bleat on about how it was an accident so they shouldn't have to apologise / fix it are prats. Selfish prats.

He has a responsibility to be more careful. As for singing at the top of his voice and waking his child. That's not an accident. That's not giving a flying fuck.

I'm clumsy but am always mortified when I break things.

I think that he's just massively inconsiderate, particularly re the baby. Agree with the pp who said if he wakes the baby he should settle the baby

I'm dyspraxic. I am constantly covered in bruises from walking into things, have broken all my toes and several of my fingers, I'm constantly breaking and dropping stuff. I also can't drive due to a serious lack of spacial awareness.

DH is a lumbering, heavy footed big fella who is clumsy as fuck, but he is in no way dyspraxic. Some people are just built that way.

I don't know why you are annoyed with the breakages particularly ; these usually are accidents and certainly not deliberate. He knows he has done it so why remind him? As you say; you are not his mother . Regular singing loudly enough to wake a baby is irritating and he should be trying to remember not to. You have had your DC for 4 months he should be adapting and I think reminding him not to be careless in that situation is fine.

People are allowed to be annoyed if a clumsy idiot who knows they are and still lumbers around like a bull in a china shop breaks something of theirs (may or may not have value, sentimental or monetary) and then not apologise. It's fucking rude.

But the waking the baby up, too, leads me to believe it's sheer pig-headedness and the DH is a knob.

I'm clumsy, always injuring myself and smash phones by accident a lot, but everything else I'm super careful with.

My brother (late 20s) is simply careless. Expensive gadgets smashed to bits as chucked in his work bag or left lying around. He even managed to smash an expensive hair trimmer into about 6 pieces, no idea how.

He wont be told.he gets annoyed if anyone ever mentions it. He shrugs and says 'things break'. I hate it and refuse to buy anything expensive as gifts as they're just abused. It's the attitude that riles me, you're perfectly entitled to feel annoyed!

Singing is not clumsy. He’s just utterly thoughtless/selfish.

Does he deal with the fall out or do you wind up fixing everything for him so his thoughtlessness is without am consequence?

I really don't want to be that annoying poster, but I must ask - why on earth do you have wooden floors in your bedroom?!? I thought it was universally understood that anything but carpet on an upper level was avoided, for this very reason!

*He scratches the worktops by cutting toast directly on them instead of using a board or a plate.

He's cracked the toilet seat by letting go of the lid instead of closing it gently.

His window won't open as he snapped the handle.

His bed has broken slats as he 'fell heavily onto it' (read: took a running jump).

There is always broken glass in his room from when he's dropped glasses and not cleaned up properly.*

This isn't clumsiness. It's thoughtlessness and carelessness and a lack of respect.

Sounds like a self-centred arse to me. Singing & stomping around, waking the baby is out of order.

@LindaEllen

We have this issue with older teen DSS. It's so difficult. I get that some people are just naturally clumsy, but it really winds me up that he breaks things and then me or DP have to go to the effort and expense of replacing or fixing them.

Most recently we had a new kitchen fitted and he pulled one of the drawers so hard that it came out (literally no need to pull it out that far) and the bottom cracked and the front panel so it will no longer hold together. We got a kitchen that was end of the line to save some money (risky I know, but we never imagined this happening) so we have no way of replacing it.

He scratches the worktops by cutting toast directly on them instead of using a board or a plate.

He's cracked the toilet seat by letting go of the lid instead of closing it gently.

His window won't open as he snapped the handle.

His bed has broken slats as he 'fell heavily onto it' (read: took a running jump).

There is always broken glass in his room from when he's dropped glasses and not cleaned up properly.

Holes in clothes from where he's snagged them on things. Broken phone/switch/watch screens.

It's fucking bizarre and there's loads more than what I've said.

Maybe if he paid for repairs and replacements he wouldn't be so careless with things that his parents have worked hard for to provide?

Have him tested for dyspraxia?

I'm guessing he doesn't ever do the settling the baby back to sleep which is why he doesn't care about waking her! Same with my DH.

I’d agree, you need to give a consequence to his actions. If he wakes the baby he settles the baby, if he breaks something he organises it to be fixed or replaced. And within a certain timeline.

In a lesser example by husband used to loose his phone, keys and glasses regularly. Always asking me where they were. As soon as I stopped helping, just shrugged and said I don’t know, even when I did, he miraculously became a lot more careful and looses them much less now.

So he needs to face the consequences of his actions. And you need to make sure he does. Keep on at him till he’s replaced said items. Or settles the baby, don’t get involved at all. When he knows he needs to deal with the fall out he will suddenly become a lot less clumsy and noisey.

My DH is very much like this although he has realised that if he wakes the DC then he has to resettle them; they actually sleep quite well through his noise now. However it drives me crazy and at times really upsets me how he’s broken so many things that can’t be replaced (like wedding glasses) through being so heavy handed and not careful enough.

He either can’t help it, or hasn’t tried. If the latter try assigning him to ‘settling baby’ duty, so he realises the consequences of being noisy!

Having said that my DH can be silent and cat like and has great spatial awareness. He focuses on what he’s doing and is the one constantly reminding me to be careful. Especially driving, he can squeeze into the tiniest gaps and reverse out of tight spaces with ease.

But when DD was a baby I did make an extra effort (I was the one doing most of the settling so you learn to keep the floor clear of squeaky toys, oil the doors and place strategic nightlights around so you don’t bump into things, learn where the creaky floorboards are etc).

I don’t think DH has ever broken a glass in the whole 15 years we’ve been together, but I break a few a year. I try to be careful but I’m always thinking of lots of things at once.

It sounds almost like manspreading in an I'm going to do whatever I want and everyone else will just have to deal with it attitude.

Couldn’t help laughing at the broken loo seat (sorry!) If a loo seat is so fragile it breaks when lowered there’s surely something wrong with it? I once broke a friend’s loo seat at a student party, I tripped over her cat and fell on it 😳 (the loo seat not the cat!)

Worktop scratching? Is he used to non-scratch worktops like granite, where you can chop directly on them?

Some household fittings are just flimsy and badly made, so breaking them can be purely accidental (think plastic shower heads, cheap window latches).

As for the wooden floor, can you just put a rug down? If he’s always thrown his jeans on the bedroom floor a rug may be easier than reminding him every night!

For what it’s worth some of my most careful guests have managed to break things. An elderly relative of mine broke the shower controls as she got confused without her glasses and turned it too hard the wrong way. A very careful friend once broke our TV as the doorbell made him jump and he stepped backwards into it. Accidents happen!

DH tried the 'I didn't mean it so you're UR to be cross' approach with me. I told him (and the kids) that I had of course assumed that they hadn't MEANT to do the bloody stupid thing they'd just done, and that if I thought they had actually INTENDED to do whatever it was then I wouldn't just be cross, I'd be fucking incandescent with rage.

Funnily enough they all made more effort to avoid doing stupid things after that

I think I'm you dh. I have broken so many glasses and chipped so many plates and drop my phone at least once a day.

No small babies to wake though.

I genuinely can't help being so clumsy, I hate it, especially when I break things that mean something. As I've gotten older I suspect I have a form of dyspraxia. Self diagnosed 😂

I have always been this way, really unco-ordinated l, can't catch something thrown at me, can't aim to throw back. Mostly my DH accepts it but sometimes he does get mad. My DS seems to be like me and also breaks things a lot more than his sister.

I cant get too worked up over stuff breaking, i justice mend it or replace it, or live without- (as in champagne glasses for example) I don't want my family to live in a house of fear

It's not about living in a house of fear. It's about living in a house where people respect the property and don't just break things and shrug. Things get broken, sure. But a shrug when DH breaks my favourite mug will lead to Cross Words. It's not about the mug, it's about the shrug.

Same as waking a baby. FFS who does that regularly and doesn't understand that it's a dick move for everyone concerned, not least the baby?