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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lots of men in my new job ..aibu?

103 replies

melleb33 · 17/02/2021 21:11

I start a new job Monday.
I've been really looking forward to it.
Good money etc and I feel lucky to have found something given current circumstances.
Today I had a teams meeting to get introduced to everyone.
7 new starters and 5 of them are male.
Only me and another woman.
All the managers are male.
I just feel like it's going to be such a male dominated office.
I'm now worried incase this other woman doesn't turn up and it's just me and all the men.
I worry we will have nothing in common
I worry on team nights out I won't be able to go
Aibu ?

OP posts:

Playnoh · 18/02/2021 11:48

What??? This is a non issue.

Original poster

melleb33 · 18/02/2021 11:49

I work in marketing
Or I will be working in marketing
I know I'm being stupid and I'm sure once I get there il be fine.

OP posts:

Cas112 · 18/02/2021 11:51

No!! Ynbu. I got offered a job interview recently and they sent me an introductory video to the company. I noticed the company was mostly men and only one or two women. I don't know why but it instantly made me uncomfortable and I declined to interview. I have never had any untoward issues with men and I have a lot of males friends but for some reason as I have gotten older I seem to be a lot more uncomfortable around men especially in male dominated situations. Sometimes as a woman we can help to feel this way with out meaning to. Don't feel unreasonable, just go with your gut with how to move forward.

MintyCedric · 18/02/2021 11:52

Sounds great to me.

Working in a predominantly female environment isn't all it's cracked up to be IMHO.

Orchidflower1 · 18/02/2021 12:02

I actually think you are being very unreasonable and actually quite sexist.

MissMarpleDarling · 18/02/2021 12:06

How will you cope having to talk to someone who is a male 😳YABU. I assume you suffer with anxiety.

MissMarpleDarling · 18/02/2021 12:09

We only have 2 men in our team and one of them is gay, plus they are not in on the same days anymore. How must they cope having to talk to...... girls 😳😳

Original poster

melleb33 · 18/02/2021 12:09

I do have pretty bad anxiety
I'm trying to overcome it
I'm not sexist I'm just worried about things

OP posts:

Chimeraforce · 18/02/2021 12:15

Don't worry. We'll done on your new job. First day is always weird. Take one day at a time.
I did that with my job. Initially aimed for 6 months I'm still there 3 years later.... And I hate it.
So you'll do great.

Alexandernevermind · 18/02/2021 12:35

Congratulations on your new job!
New job anxiety is normal, and it seems as though the male to female ratio is the thing you are focusing on.
I have worked in male dominated, female dominated and mixed work environments. I would 100% choose male dominated. The whole sisterhood thing was a nice idea and I really looked forward to being "one of the girls", but in reality where I was there was always someone running off to the toilets crying, always someone gossiping or bitching about someone else and a really toxic clique running through that you were either in or out of.

StrawberrySquash · 18/02/2021 13:18

I think it's a perfectly valid question and it's a shame people are being so dismissive. Male dominated environments tend to be different from female dominated. It's not wrong to ask yourself how you feel about that. My last job change I definitely noticed the switch as it had more men in it.
Also, depending on the industry, it's reasonable to ask if you yourself if this means they aren't good at retaining/promoting women. My workplace is actively attempting to address this.
Having said all that, it will most likely all be fine, but like any job will feel different and have its own norms and culture to adapt to. Good luck!

damibasiamille · 18/02/2021 13:56

It's good to read all these positive accounts of male-majority workplaces, but I'm not sure it's the whole story. After all, the MeToo movement didn't come out of nowhere!

Glad to hear that the fire service is more enlightened these days, but I remember when the first women applied to join, the FBU kicked up a hell of a fuss, and i believe those pioneer women had a rough time.

If a person has anxiety, it may be because they have been badly treated in the past, and maybe OP has been badly treated by males; so to call her "sexist" without knowing her circumstances, isn't that a wee bit "bitchy"?

Orchidflower1 · 18/02/2021 14:32

Ok @melleb33 we don’t know how she’s been treated by men in the past but it’s sexist - assuming they won’t be nice to her, won’t get on with her etc.

Just as if @melleb33 had said she’s worried about a whole group of women and she was a man.

Saying the comments are bitchy is way off. We’re staying a fact not picking on her hair do!

For what it’s worth I think @melleb33 is most probably not sexist and is actually using this feature to focus her anxiety on. The focus of the op is sexist perhaps should have been the phrase.

I hope your first day goes ok @melleb33. Maybe switch the focus to what you’re going to eat for lunch eat day/ wear to work. Something you actually have control over rather than something you do not.

horridhorrid · 18/02/2021 14:41

I'd much rather work with men than a bunch of women any day.

JKW36 · 18/02/2021 14:45

I would prefer this tbh. I absolutely hate working in teams of women. It can be gossipu and bitchy.

grannysbay · 18/02/2021 15:57

I work in an all male team. Never any issues. The only person to ever cause me really bad issues at work was a woman. Enjoy your new job.

SteveBrexit · 18/02/2021 16:10

It's good to read all these positive accounts of male-majority workplaces, but I'm not sure it's the whole story. After all, the MeToo movement didn't come out of nowhere!

good point but reminds me of a post on another thread.

A poster was very negative towards someone's husband because he was allegedly working too hard, not helping his SAH wife enough, and that poster pretending that she knew "loads of women" very successful but insisting on a good work/life balance whilst men were only trying to avoid home life and insisted on working more

Complete bollocks. If you want to be treated equally at work, then.. work equally. Don't push your female status as a way to get things, to have more time off, work shorter hours, have more flexibility...

SteveBrexit · 18/02/2021 16:12

Also, depending on the industry, it's reasonable to ask if you yourself if this means they aren't good at retaining/promoting women.

depends if you expect some "positive discrimination" or if they are actually being fair and some women get miffed about it. I have seen many of those!

Fiona2020 · 18/02/2021 16:24

Would couldn’t you go on nights out?! I think I’d prefer a night out with men than bitchy women sometimes!

WhatAboutThatThen · 18/02/2021 17:23

You will be fine OP :) Although I wouldn't get your hopes up about it not being a gossipy/bitchy environment, in my experience there are plenty of men who like a gossip!

5foot5 · 18/02/2021 17:41

I worry we will have nothing in common
I worry on team nights out I won't be able to go
Aibu ?

Well yes YABU really but I think you probably know that.

I have worked for over 35 years in an industry that tends to be male dominated and it usually works just fine.

Peculiar comment on the team nights - why would you not be able to go? Who would try to prevent you?

Mind you I remember a few years ago when I was the only woman on a team of about 8 men. All perfectly nice chaps and I could work with them very well and had no issues with any of them. But when we had team nights out there would always come a point when someone mentioned football and then my heart would sink as all of them - every last one - would then join in the football conversation. And once the football convo started it seemed never to stop. I know nothing about football and care less so that was me effectively shut out from the conversation for what seemed like the rest of the gathering.

I was always a little surprised that one or two of the older and more socially adept ones didn't eventually notice and move the convo on - it's what DH would do I am sure in a similar situation.

However, apart from that nothing to worry about

SteveBrexit · 18/02/2021 17:46

you could have the exact same thing in a team of women starting talking about laundry or love island...

ShouldHaveCouldHaveWouldHave · 18/02/2021 18:49

Golly Gosh SteveBrexit, you’re so right! Used to really, really miss catching up on the thrilling laundry chat when I worked with men. To my dying day now I’ll never know if they preferred Ariel or Bold. Gutted.

SteveBrexit · 18/02/2021 19:24

Is that why you join MN? Laundry is a backbone of this site

JGACC · 18/02/2021 19:46

OP you could be me :) I work in marketing in an all male team and was very worried before I took the job. They are quite rough round the edges and I was brought in to implement quite a few changes as well. I really needn't have worried, it's one of the happiest teams I've worked in! I read a really good book called Lean In before I started as well that helped me be aware of speaking up and having achievements recognised. Good luck and enjoy!

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