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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lots of men in my new job ..aibu?

103 replies

melleb33 · 17/02/2021 21:11

I start a new job Monday.
I've been really looking forward to it.
Good money etc and I feel lucky to have found something given current circumstances.
Today I had a teams meeting to get introduced to everyone.
7 new starters and 5 of them are male.
Only me and another woman.
All the managers are male.
I just feel like it's going to be such a male dominated office.
I'm now worried incase this other woman doesn't turn up and it's just me and all the men.
I worry we will have nothing in common
I worry on team nights out I won't be able to go
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Glitteryone · 17/02/2021 22:31

YABU.

I’ve always worked in male dominated offices and I much prefer it. Ive never had a female line manager.

Nights out have always been the best craic.

You’ll be absolutely fine.

Doyoumind · 17/02/2021 22:32

YABU. They are people. You may get on with some. You may not get on with others. I work with an all male team men and it's pretty relaxed and easy. It is a bit different though and though I'm friendly with them all I don't have a close friend at work and I do miss that.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 17/02/2021 23:41

It will only be a big deal if someone makes it a big deal. I have always worked in a heavily male occupied profession, it’s never been a problem.

The only thing I’ve ever noticed is that men tend to be more direct than women. So if you aren’t used to that it can be a little odd at first.

My funny story... I was walking with 2 of my coworkers who started moaning about their wives and women in general... I finally said ‘yo... you do realize that I’m right here, right’. They both looked at me then each other and one said ‘yeah, you lost girl status a long time ago’

I wasn’t sure if I should have been worried by that statement!

MotherExtraordinaire · 18/02/2021 07:13

@melleb33

I start a new job Monday. I've been really looking forward to it. Good money etc and I feel lucky to have found something given current circumstances. Today I had a teams meeting to get introduced to everyone. 7 new starters and 5 of them are male. Only me and another woman. All the managers are male. I just feel like it's going to be such a male dominated office. I'm now worried incase this other woman doesn't turn up and it's just me and all the men. I worry we will have nothing in common I worry on team nights out I won't be able to go Aibu ?
Sounds ideal tbh. Less bitching of the female variety.
peak2021 · 18/02/2021 07:14

Do you need to be in the office full time once you have settled in? Can you wfh part of the time?

BikeRunSki · 18/02/2021 07:18

You’ll be ok
I’m a civil engineer, it’s been normal to be one of a handful of women in a make dominated team/office all my working life. It’s industry wide. The imbalance is improving, but it doesn’t bother me.
But don’t home on in the other woman as you new BFF, just because she’s a woman.

Sophiesdog2020 · 18/02/2021 08:14

YABU, like BikeRunSki, I am a professional engineer (not civil) - I am almost 60 so there were a lot less female engineers around when I went to uni and started my career than there is now.

In most teams I have either been the only female, or one of 2. There are more around now, including one of our top global managers, but still very male dominated. I generally am the only female in many meetings even now.

I have always been treated professionally and found male colleagues totally accepting of me. My role also includes site visits, so often travelling to other parts of the country, staying in hotels. I am less likely to go drinking after a meal when working away, but that is more my age than anything! I have never felt left out of conversations when travelling or eating with them.

I also found work, with its different atmosphere/conversations, a refreshing change from home life when the kids were younger and I was mixing a lot with other mums on my days off.

I did have a social life with some male colleagues when in my 20s, but not in recent years when married with kids. I am friends with a few female colleagues but even that is limited as we are scattered around a large area, plus have various family commitments.

A male dominated environment does have advantages too, I have never encountered any bitchiness, everyone is generally straight talking. We don't go in for collections for every celebration, I sometimes read a MN thread where they collect for anything and everything and am aghast!

So I would say, just go in with an open mind and remember you are there on merit.

melleb33 · 18/02/2021 08:23

I think I'm over thinking.
The age range is totally different as well so hopefully that will be good.
There is other women in the office just not on my specific team.
Hopefully after training and working from home I will get speaking to them too.
They said it feels like a big family and everyone says hello to you.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 18/02/2021 08:32

I’m not that much younger than @Sophiesdog2020. My “only girl in the office” experience has been largely similar, and largely positive. Incidents where “but you are a girl!” Comments have been made amount to fewer than 5 in 30 years. I was assumed to be a secretary and asked to make the tea on my first day in a new job, wherein my new line manger interjected with “Have you met Bike, she’s the new Senior Engjneer on this scheme. I’ll make the tea when I’ve introduced her to the project team”. To be fair, a few admin ladies had started that day too. The other moment that stands out was early on in my career I rocked up to a new construction site, went to sign in at the site office. Told the site manager who I was and why I was there. He said “unusual job for a girl”. I said “it’s just an unusual job”. End of discussion.

You’ll be fine OP. A couple of jokey one liners up your sleeve won’t hurt.

CorianderBee · 18/02/2021 08:41

Do you only like girl things like makeup and babies? No, right then, you'll probably be able to have a conversation with a male...

YouShouldLeave · 18/02/2021 08:45

YANBU

Divebar2021 · 18/02/2021 08:45

Why would you not be able to go to the team nights out?

I work in a fairly male dominated environment but currently work in a small team of women. I get on with them but I’m not particularly friends with any of them just because they’re women. My main work friends are 3 guys and a woman that I have worked with previously. There’s no guarantee that you will immediately click with the other woman just because you’re both female. Keep an open mind and don’t write them off - presumably in the way you yourself wouldn’t want to be written off.

SarahBellam · 18/02/2021 08:47

Men are just normal people but with willies.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 18/02/2021 08:49

To be fair to OP if a man started in a job where all his colleagues were women I think he would normally have some worries or concerns. Which he then would probably realize were unfounded but at first they’d probably be there

Ughmaybenot · 18/02/2021 08:50

Yabu.
I used to work with all men. There was one other woman working in that particular building but she was very part time and in her own office. I loved every minute of it, they were a great group of people and I was so, so close to them. Some even came to my wedding and 2ish years on from leaving, I still call in when I’m passing and see them when I can!
I now work with all women and honestly I could leave tomorrow and only really miss one of them.
I don’t think it’s about whether they’re men or women, it’s just who they are as people.
Good luck with your new job!

PlanDeRaccordement · 18/02/2021 08:51

YABU but for different reason. You don’t go to work to make friends or find a social group. Colleagues are not friends and so it doesn’t matter if they’re men or women (which ever sex you tend to make friends with). In fact creating friendships at work is what causes 99% of toxic office drama. It is for this reason that I find it easier to work with men than women because it was clear from the first that our relationship was going to be purely professional. But maybe I am also just used to navigating a male dominated career field.

OlympicProcrastinator · 18/02/2021 08:56

I work in a nearly all male profession and I’m only one of two women out of about 30. They are all lovely to me, great bunch. Come from all walks of life. Honestly, don’t sweat it OP.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/02/2021 08:58

I work in furniture manufacturing which is very male dominated! You'll be fine.

FuckyouCovid21 · 18/02/2021 08:58

I work in construction, you'd love it here!

MrsWhites · 18/02/2021 09:00

@PlanDeRaccordement

YABU but for different reason. You don’t go to work to make friends or find a social group. Colleagues are not friends and so it doesn’t matter if they’re men or women (which ever sex you tend to make friends with). In fact creating friendships at work is what causes 99% of toxic office drama. It is for this reason that I find it easier to work with men than women because it was clear from the first that our relationship was going to be purely professional. But maybe I am also just used to navigating a male dominated career field.
Absolutely agree with this. I used to be the only female in a team full of men, in an incredibly male dominated industry. Coming from a previous female dominated office setting, this was a breath of fresh air. Yes there are probably less social events but I didn’t see this as a negative thing.

Oh and no one suggests secret Santa and that kind of crap....bring in a pack of biscuits and you are good to go with a team full of men!

BobbinThreadbare123 · 18/02/2021 09:05

I work in the engineering arena - workplace is 95% male. It's mostly OK. I find the older/middle men to be just fine to get along with and we have a lot of good banter and so on. They're simple creatures Grin. Not so keen on some of the wokey younger blokes but many of their faults are thanks to age/lack of experience. I do miss working with women at times and I sometimes find myself going all out to get the same respect and recognition as a mediocre man, but I will keep fighting that!

minchinfin · 18/02/2021 09:09

YABU I work in a 99.99% male environment, and always have. It's fine.

Nnameechanged · 18/02/2021 09:09

I'm definitely not saying this is all women at all, but I would probably prefer this, if I'm honest.
My last 2 teams have been all-female, except for 1 or 2 men, tops, at any given time. The amount of bitching and fall outs is a nightmare. I prefer to work, I do talk to colleagues but ultimately I want to do my job and not spend half an hour plus talking about how much we all hate such person, which is what happened in my last job. I used to go and sit by myself to get some peace to work after outright saying "I don't dislike anyone, I'd rather not join in with this" just didn't work.
I imagine I was the subject of many of those conversations as the other person in the team who made it clear they didn't want to join in with the gossiping was torn to shreds whenever they left the room.
Current job isn't as bad, especially now wfh, but it's still there. My partner works in a male-dominated workplace/industry and although it can be an issue at times, it's nowhere near as bad and not as underhand, people tend to just sort their problems out there and then by talking to the other person.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 18/02/2021 09:10

Yabu, my sister is a Firefighter and the only female on her station, she just gets on with it.

TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe · 18/02/2021 09:13

@Nnameechanged

I'm definitely not saying this is all women at all, but I would probably prefer this, if I'm honest. My last 2 teams have been all-female, except for 1 or 2 men, tops, at any given time. The amount of bitching and fall outs is a nightmare. I prefer to work, I do talk to colleagues but ultimately I want to do my job and not spend half an hour plus talking about how much we all hate such person, which is what happened in my last job. I used to go and sit by myself to get some peace to work after outright saying "I don't dislike anyone, I'd rather not join in with this" just didn't work. I imagine I was the subject of many of those conversations as the other person in the team who made it clear they didn't want to join in with the gossiping was torn to shreds whenever they left the room. Current job isn't as bad, especially now wfh, but it's still there. My partner works in a male-dominated workplace/industry and although it can be an issue at times, it's nowhere near as bad and not as underhand, people tend to just sort their problems out there and then by talking to the other person.
I've found that too. Whenever there are unnecessary dramas and problems between co-workers, it has almost always been woman on woman. I'm not talking about legitimate grievances but someone taking a dislike to someone else and making snarky comments, that kind of thing.

Men tend to just ignore it, or argue it out and then move on.

(In my experience. Not saying that it's like that for everyone.)

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