To cry over a photo

[grannyinapram]

I thought dh was taking a photo of me. He never does. Ever. so I thought "oh he wants to remember this, how nice"
I just saw the photo.
It was a joke of him sticking his middle finger up at me. I cried.

aibu?
he is a good guy really but this really hurt my feelings.

All of my photos are of him and the kids.
All of his photos are of the kids or his hobby.
Just feel like I like him more than he likes me- like we are a doomed teen romance. I feel like im chasing him if that makes sense? We've been together for nearly a decade with children. I can't even talk to him now I'm so upset. And I feel ridiculous. Also quite hurt.

Might just be the lickdown blues though

Lockdown blues.
thanks autocorrect

Babes sounds like you could do with a lickdown.

What has he said when you told him how you feel?

That’s really rude of him. Why did he do it? Have you addressed it with him? It’s not funny, it’s just mean and immature. If you’ve not addressed it then when you’re calmer you need to

It doesn’t sound like this relationship works. Why are you staying in it?

My partner is like this. Honestly I wish I could say it doesn’t bother me but DS is 4 and if I flick through the photo albums I might as well exist for the first three years. Then I started taking selfie’s with DS.

It does make me feel like DP is a bit ashamed of me tbh. Then again, the rest of our relationship has been strained anyway. If your relationship is amazing apart from that, I’d ignore it!

Tell him that he's a dickhead.

not exist for...

Yanbu to be upset, its such a stupid immature thing to do. Maybe it also runs deeper and you are feeling unappreciated and taken for granted.
Most of us know that feeling.
I also am rarely in photos,i am a bit self conscious if I'm honest but on the rare occasions DH will take one, its often at a bad moment without warning or I'll realise i have my eyes closed, bra strap showing etc. If I say oh hang on I wasnt ready take another one and he'll refuse or kids will run off and moments gone.
Im always the one who thinks to take a photo at birthdays , on holiday etc so in our family photographs its like I dont exist !
Have you told him how upset you are? If so what did he say?

@AlohaMolly
this is what it is, I feel like I'm not worth documenting.
I always think if I died today, where would I be?
He took a photo of me when we first met and had it as his screensaver. but since then- zilch!
I've stopped wearing makeup and dressing up since baby number 3 so I don't blame him, but I can't be bothered to pretty myself up when my daughter is the only one who notices and she's 6!

It was a joke of him sticking his middle finger up at me. I cried
he is a good guy

Just keep reading that to yourself.

And please take some selfies of you with your kids. It isn't for you or him, it's for them

My husband does the same tbh. He has millions of the kids, the dogs, snow, sunsets, cars. Hardly any of me. I know it’s just thoughtless but I have thousands of him with the kids. I worry that when they are older and look back they will think I never bothered with them!!

I haven't said anything because I have a sneaking suspicion im taking it out of proportion.
it was just a joke.
But I found myself feeling excited and like he loves me only for it to be shattered.
I feel silly.
Hes at work now and tried to call me but I couldn't answer because I feel disgusting and unloved.

haha! I'm not going to ltb but it just hit a nerve.
especially when he takes photos of his work friend's for jokes. or his stupid hobby.

I know I am being unreasonable on the surface.

What did he say when you cried? I think this would determine my next move tbh. If he was apologetic then I would let it go. If not, then he sounds like a total wanker (as opposed to just a very unfunny joke that fell completely wrong, iyswim?).

If you want him to take photos of you, ask him to take them. Don’t expect him to read your mind. Say ‘take a picture of me!’.

yanbu very hurtful of him. And immature as well. My dh is good at capturing moments with my ds when we are not looking. BUT for ones that I want, i ask him.
I think you need to speak to him and tell him how you feel.b

OP you are NOT being unreasonable. Why is he taking a photo of himself sticking his finger up at you? That's so immature and disrespectful. Tell him everything you've said here.

@LuaDipa
I do too! and then I think 'maybe they'll realise I'm the one behind the camera'
there are photos with me in them, but they are the staged 'everyone stand infront of this landmark'... 'right now dh get one of me and the kids'.
So its not all bad.

But I take photos of just him when I think 'oh he looks handsome, I'd like to remember thismoment forever'
don't I ever look nice enough for a photo? I never catch him looking at me like they do in the movies. I just never feel romantic and I'm young! I'm not ready for the romance to be over yet

I haven't said anything.
I don't want him to say "well actually you're so ugly I'm scared ill break the camera"

what would I even say? you hurt my feelings. I'd feel like an idiot

The romance shouldn’t be over. Tell him. I’ve decided I’m going to have my moan about this tonight!!

it was just a joke

Is he always such an immature twat? How nasty of him. Why on Earth did he take it in the first place? To show you? To send to someone? Neither answer is remotely ok. Unless he’s having some sort of breakdown I’d re-evaluate your relationship with this rude excuse for a man.

Op I'd talk to him. 'I know this might initially sound silly but I got really upset when you made the joke... it's because I feel like x y and z. It would be really nice if you could do x y and z. It would make me feel so much better. What do you think?'

Hopefully he will take on board what you say and reassure you. Men are not mind-readers though and often need to be told explicitly what they have to do. So tell him. He probably doesn't realise op.

I see the Mumsnet mentalists are out. 🙄🙄🙄

@grannyinapram

it was just a joke

.....that made you cry?

Print off some pics of him and make yourself a dart board...

I sympathise, my lot pull faces or moan if a shot takes more than 30 seconds and its always me taking the photos until recently and the youngest likes to take pix of everyone.
I think when lockdown over you should get a local photographer to take a really nice picture of you and the kids. He can be in one of the shots but primarily one of you and the kids. Get a nice print of it and put it up on the wall!! Statement made ha ha!
A proper photographer will take a decent shot of you and let you choose the best one. Plus you will be able to make sure you are looking your best in advance. Also the photographer will make everyone else play ball and co-operate. I think that would really underline that you are part of the bigger picture and not just the forgotten person behind the lens and your children will love it too. Time is too short not to be in the picture.

What was the context? I don’t understand how it’s funny!

But anyway, does he know you cried and were upset? If so and he doesn’t give a shit - that’s a problem.