This is long so i'll try to be as accurate and concise as possible.
In many ways MIL is a very nice person and I'm conflicted over my feelings/ treatment towards her. Since being with her son, my DH, his relationship with her has fractured because I have been shocked at their relationship and have told him I don't think the way she behaves is correct.
The backstory is when I met DH about 15 years ago he was giving MIL a lot of money all the time. I am talking about a thousand a month and he wasn't a huge earner but almost all of his money was given to his mum. He was happy doing this but I believe it's because she manipulated him into it by saying things like she sacrificed so much when he was little etc. She was spending the money on holidays and cars, not essentials. I don't believe a parent should accept this - they should be encouraging their child to save and build their own life surely? She was also working full time as a school secretary so had an income. She has a daughter (my SIL) who lives overseas and I don't think she asks her for money.
Things got bad when she said she was struggling with her debts (about six months into our relationship) and DH sold his property to give her the money and move into rented accommodation himself. I told him I thought this was madness but he said she was going to lose her home and had to do it. She did pay off her debts and the rest went on holidays. He says that she told him she was keeping a large sum for him in her account - he then asked her for this back for a property deposit and she denied saying that and said all the money was gone.
I loved DH and wrestled with this as it made me resent MIL as I saw her as greedy and manipulative, yet she was always very nice to me. It's as if she genuinely believed that's what children should do for their parents. She didn't do any of this for her own parents by the way (sadly both have now passed) but I think a large part of it is that as a female she doesn't believe she should.
DH was furious with MIL as was I - she thinks she never did anything wrong as he offered to do all this- but I believe she manipulated him into it. DH then cut her off financially so stopped giving her money and taking her out and I said if we were to get married it had to stop. She now says he is mean with money, he chose to "help her" and she hasn't done anything wrong. She regularly tells us of how generous her friends sons are and says things like "he won't take a penny off his mum!"
It's not a cultural thing they are born in the UK. She now does strange little things like we will be walking past a coffee shop and she will ask him to buy her things - every time- it's like a power play she always needs him to be buying her something. She also thinks I am a controlling daughter in law and have cut her off cruelly. AIBU to say we can no longer give her any money? I resent even buying her a coffee now to be honest. DH now has a load of simmering anger towards her which if we weren't together probably wouldn't be there as I'm the one who pointed out that it was wrong - so he doesn't want to give her any more money but sometimes he will soften and say he feels sorry for her.