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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I make her go to school?

75 replies

UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 22:53

I'm looking for some advice as to how others might approach this.

I would prefer for my 8yo DD to start attending school one day a week after half-term. The reason being I have Zoom calls from 10.30-12.30 & 13.00 - 14.30 (support group and therapy) and it would give me some much needed time to myself. It's not imperative that she goes, though as I am at home - she can be at home doing her own thing plus she has an older brother to keep an eye on her. So it really isn't essential at all. She is incredibly reluctant to go. She likes school but the changes in that she will be with different children and not her class teacher makes her very anxious. It's been a stressful time for her the last few years and she is doing her own support group so I'm reluctant to do anything non-nurtering right now. I have arranged for us to go into school for an hour to see what it is like to see if it can tempt her - maybe if a friend is there, perhaps? Any advice, welcome.

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 16/02/2021 22:53

If she doesn't need to be there, she should be at home.

LadyCatStark · 16/02/2021 22:55

No it’s not fair on all of us who are having to juggle work and homeschooling 5 days a week!

Racoonworld · 16/02/2021 22:55

Will the school even take her if it’s not essential?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/02/2021 22:55

How would she be able to go to school? Is a place on offer because of your/her needs?

WaterBottle123 · 16/02/2021 22:57

If you're in England then schools open in two weeks anyway, so you're really only talking about two days in total before she has to return. Can you just hold on?

FoxyTheFox · 16/02/2021 23:00

No it’s not fair on all of us who are having to juggle work and homeschooling 5 days a week!

How does it impact on you in any way other than the OP getting something you're not?

OP, presumably the school are offering a place under vulnerable children criteria? If so and if you think your DD would benefit from going then its worth a try.

NotmyfirstRodeomyfriend · 16/02/2021 23:02

@WaterBottle123

If you're in England then schools open in two weeks anyway, so you're really only talking about two days in total before she has to return. Can you just hold on?
Do they?
tinierclanger · 16/02/2021 23:03

You say it isn’t essential, and she doesn’t want to go. I don’t understand why you would send her?

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:04

@LadyCatStark - ensuring my wellbeing is not fair? Actually it's incredibly important to my family. Lots of things have happened to us are 'not fair' - I wouldn't wish them on others, though.

Yes, she has been offered a place. But yes, if they do return in 2 weeks ( is that definite?) I can hold on!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:05

@FoxyTheFox - yes, that's right. I'm not sure she would benefit. I think it would more be for my benefit.

OP posts:
Iamfudgingfreezing · 16/02/2021 23:07

I think they are planning to open from match 8th so maybe If you can hold on.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:08

@tinierclanger - it would help with my wellbeing and also it means not having to be looked after by a triggered mum.

Actually that's just answered how she would benefit. She would probably get better care from school that day than me.

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 16/02/2021 23:08

So you want a place for your child because it would make you feel better? Hmmm...

Yesmate · 16/02/2021 23:09

There is an announcement on Monday. Why not wait until then and then decide. It might be that you only have to manage for another 2 weeks

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/02/2021 23:09

I think people are just wondering if you are a keyworker or if she is vulnerable. These are normally the criteria. But I guess you don’t have to say if you don’t want!

1Morewineplease · 16/02/2021 23:09

Lots of things have happened to many families that aren't fair.

FoxyTheFox · 16/02/2021 23:10

I would send her, OP. At worst, she won't settle and school will ring you to come get her but at least you'll have both tried it. The more likely scenario is that she'll settle in fine and will enjoy the change of scenery and the social interaction.

scrivette · 16/02/2021 23:11

If school have offered a place then they believe she requires one under their rules so you shouldn't feel bad sending her in.

FoxyTheFox · 16/02/2021 23:11

OP has confirmed that her child has been offered a place under the vulnerable child criteria, no need for the snide remarks just because she has a place and you don't.

Vickles20 · 16/02/2021 23:11

Bloody hell? Really?? Angry

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:11

@1Morewineplease - I don't 'want' a place - she has a place. It would enable me to concentrate on my therapy etc and mean she would get better care on that day.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:13

@1Morewineplease - exactly so not sure why saying my DD having a school place is 'unfair' is relevant. I could say my DC being vulnerable is 'unfair'.

OP posts:
tinierclanger · 16/02/2021 23:14

“She is incredibly reluctant to go. She likes school but the changes in that she will be with different children and not her class teacher makes her very anxious.”

But taking all this into account, and the fact that you can access your support while she’s at home- well no, I don’t think you should make her. You did ask! But only you can make the call on what’s best for your own family, as you’ve got the full picture.

Hopefully it isn’t too much longer until there’s an official return, and even if that’s staggered, she should be going back with her friends which will presumably make it a lot easier on her.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:15

@FoxyTheFox @scrivette - thank you for the advice

@Vickles20 ? Yes, really she has a place.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 16/02/2021 23:17

@tinierclanger - yes, I did ask and I appreciate your opinion. And yes, hopefully all our DC can be back with their friends soon!

OP posts:
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