Crap gifts

[Malbecqueen]

Having just seen another thread detailing valentine's day disappointments, I thought it'd be good/cathartic to list some really rubbish presents here...

This V day (we don't really celebrate it here), I got v cheap smellies for the bath, after told my DH (a) not to get me any more body creams etc some time ago and (b) my mum bought me enough bath oil to last me all year at Xmas...

At Xmas, I asked for a) a comfy lounge suit like the ones I had - and was clear that I wanted a zip top, no jumper/hoodie and loose/flared bottoms and b) a casual red check skirt ... he got me a cheap and scratchy lounge suit, no zip and elastic bottoms to the legs... and b) a brown dogtooth skirt that's more appropriate for the office (which is great in Covid times)....

And yes, I love my DH dearly but FFS I don't know how to say these things anymore clearly...

So c'mon on - hit me with your crappy/ thoughtless gifts.

Well the best by far has to be receiving nipple tassels from your dm! Did she have hopes of you becoming an exotic dancer rainbowandscarlett?

I’ve named changed for this as it’s very outing to anyone that knows me but one Christmas we received nicely gift wrapped gifts from my BIL and (evil & extremely passive aggressive) SIL. On opening them, mine was a Katie price ghostwritten autobiography like you would buy from the Works with the £1 bargain bin sticker still on it, DH received a scarf and hat set from primark with the £2 price tag still on and the dc’s received various bits of plastic tat from home bargains, all costing in the region of £2-£3 each (these are not poor people btw).
We found it quite amusing although a bit gutted that we’d spent about £150 on them. We are NC now (not only because of the gifts!)

I also have to add myself to the “guilty of giving crap presents” list as on Sunday I realised I’d forgotten to get DH his favourite bottle of wine to go with the chocolates I’d bought so I just grabbed one out of the wine cooler and gave him that (he had no idea!)

@abc31

Despite receiving endless abuse from us all for at least 40 years, my dad buys my mum a non fiction book as her Christmas and birthday present every single year. She doesn't really like books, particularly ones such as Coronation Street over the years and bedding plants (with video). We just see the rectangular shape and dissolve into fits of laughter. My poor mum.

However, I'd swap the books for some presents I've received from my father in law. Despite 20 years of trying to steer my in laws towards practical presents such as a pan or plant, he has to buy something "personal" as he puts it. He went through a phase of choosing me nightwear with slogans such as "Take me to bed" and "little miss naughty". Heave. I feel the fear when any squishy present comes my way. My colleagues always relished asking me what he'd given the first day back at work after Christmas.

oh you have properly made me laugh at that and you are a good sport to see the funny rather than possibly creepy side of it. The thought process behind it is bizarre and also, does he have a live wife who knows about these. What does your husband think? So many questions!

On a side note, you have made me sad for the days when I saw my colleagues in person and had a laugh about these kind of things. I miss them!

My best friend got me a t-shirt from Mango for my 30th birthday. It had a few pulls at the very front, and it was clearly something she intended for herself but she didn’t like it when she tried it on at home, and probably damaged while trying on so she gave it to me as a ‘gift’.

My ex bought me a discounted small and weird cross body bag for my 30th, it cost around £50. Something so not my style, I could never wear it anywhere. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was poor, but for his birthday he bought himself... a brand new shiny Tesla. 👍🏻

@Snuggleworm

A plastic red vase with snowflakes on it as a wedding present for our wedding in MAY!!! Think poundshop kind of quality. Now just want to add, that we did NOT ask for presents, we did not ask for money, we literally did not care if people bought us anything. We were late getting married so had all the housy stuff. But seriously, it was obviously a recycled Christmas gift. I still shake my head at the thoughtlessness.

Ah, see, I think that was your error, lots of people want to buy a present of some sort, even if you specifically say no gifts.. Personally I’d always give money in the absence of a gift list but some people like to give a thing. Such as a Christmas vase.

I have a liver condition and so can't drink alcohol (condition not alcohol related). What do I get at Christmas each year from my family? You guessed it...alcohol! I got a bottle of vodka. I always end up re gifting it, alongside the Lush bath bombs, because I don't have a fucking bath. I've lost count of the times I've mentioned the health condition I have when I have to explain why I don't drink and surely when they have visited, pre lockdown, that my bathroom consists only of a shower. Hey ho, what can you do if people don't listen 🤷‍♀️

I used to work for a company that did money collections for events like new babies, leaving presents, milestone birthdays etc. They usually collected around £100 and either bought a gift with it or gave them the cash depending on who it was for. I always donated to them.

On the afternoon of my last day before my wedding, I overheard a conversation about forgetting to do a collection. When I left work, people were waiting in reception and I was presented with an Asda tablecloth in a carrier bag (Asda was a couple of minutes away). I had to pretend to be thrilled with it when really I was a bit upset that they clearly forgot and rushed out to buy something.

We've got a family naff maroon organza gift bag. Someone paid extra for gift wrapping and the present turned up in this hideous gift bag. It's been passed around loads with various people getting a nice present in the hideous bag I got it with a Christmas present in it and I'm planning on putting a mothers day gift in it to pass it on.

My mother in law bought me a box of chocolates for Christmas, when she heard from my husband i was following a healthy eating plan ( not a diet) she took them back in case i was tempted!!

One year, when I was 15 and my sister 18 (our birthdays are 3 days apart), our auntie sent us identical cuddly dolphin teddies... I don't know how old she thought we were! Neither of us have ever expressed any interest in dolphins particularly. And certainly not as teenagers!

For my 17th birthday, my best friend bought me a very graphic book of sex positions, with actual photos of a couple "doing it". I haven't even kissed a boy at that point, and was mortified. No way could I take it home and show my parents! So I detoured home via a supermarket carpark and dropped it in one of their huge recycling bins!

From my MIL - slipper mops. Literally slippers made up like mop heads so I could wash the floor with my feet. Also a car cleaning kit (different year).

@Pumpkintopf

From my MIL - slipper mops. Literally slippers made up like mop heads so I could wash the floor with my feet. Also a car cleaning kit (different year).

I think she was trying to tell you something! Ouch....

One year the company dh worked for was sold, there was a massive restructuring, offices closed, WFH and hot-desking introduced and, of course, several rounds of redundancies.

That Christmas the company decided to send hampers to all employees, to thank them for bla bla bla. Everyone who still worked at or out of the Bristol office was to collect their hamper from the office. Everyone else would have it couriered to them.

Then it was decided that couriers were too expensive and everyone would have to collect from Bristol. Including all those who lived in the other side of the country. Naturally there were some complaints.

So the relevant Director decided that he would take all the non-Bristol hampers, and they could be collected from his home in Amersham, as it happened to be almost exactly central to where all the non-Bristol-based staff lived. A 60 mile, 1.5h round trip from our house, and we weren't the furthest out.

After Christmas the Director complained that his garage was unusable because it was full of these bloody hampers. Only a couple had been collected. Guess what? Yup, they all got couriered out to the staff.

And what was in these mythical hampers? A 1/4 bottle of fizz, a packet of savoury crackers, a small box of mini biscotti and a box of six mince pies. All from completely unheard-of makes.

What a waste of money and effort.

My godmother's father was a highly bizarre gift giver. One year, my Godfather complained about cutting the grass, so was gifted a goat. Not in the charitable 'I'm buying a goat for a village in your name' sense. An actual baaaa-ing goat, with a bow, on Christmas morning.

He also bought my mum a set of edible underwear once (still no idea) and me colouring pens/pencils and books, but got the tags muddled, so that was an amusing opening round the tree.

My DH can be amazing, but gets excited about the weirdest things. For my 30th he took me to Italy for an incredible week away - best holiday we've ever had. Bloody brilliant present. But he was super excited about my present that I was getting when we got home. I was really excited, and unwrapped... sink unblockers 🤷🏻‍♀️

They didn't quite eclipse Capri, Pompeii, Naples and Sorrento, I have to be honest.

My exH gave me an Iron.

To add more insult to injury I opened ex MIL’s card which said something along the lines of “here’s a tenner” for a drink - no tenner. I knew MIL would never pretend to gift something so shrugged it off. A while later he got pissed and laughed off how he knew she would have stuck a note in my card so nicked it because couldn’t be arsed to go the ATM.

Don’t get me started on my 30th birthday or the cubic zirconia ring from ASDA .... I should point out at the time he was dropping thousands on his hobbies.

My mum buys me toiletries every year despite me being allergic to a lot of them and having one brand I can safely use. I tell her this every year...… the school raffle is always the beneficiary of that gift....

My worst ever present moment though has to be when I had an "Emma Thompson Love Actually" moment and opened a blanket with pockets in it (didn't even know they were a thing!) when I knew there was a very expensive piece of jewellery in my ex husbands underwear drawer.

My MIL thinks I’m a goth because I mostly wear dark colours and have a few tattoos. I’m definitely not a goth at all but she’s convinced I am so she buys me things she thinks goths would be into like vampire films or books. I have told her I’m not a goth, as has DH but she still thinks I am. I don’t really wear make up, don’t have piercings, don’t wear anything outlandish either but because I like wearing black clothes I must be a goth . I’m actually a really boring radio 4 listener!

Oh and my DB and SIL always give me ‘seconds’. She would always point out the hole / defects or label snipped off at an angle as ‘I didn’t notice’ or ‘I accidentally cut it when removing the price tag’.

I’ve been quite lucky, although I don’t particularly like receiving smellies in gift sets unless it’s a brand I really love. Just think people could put a bit more thought into the gift. Especially if it’s for a “ big birthday”. I’ve also had a few things that were obviously regifted. I have done this myself but not after using the item! One friend gave me a jumper with holes in one birthday! I got a truly hideous pair of grey plastic half moon shaped earrings once but didn’t mind cos it was from one of the kids in my class when I was a teaching assistant.

"oh you have properly made me laugh at that and you are a good sport to see the funny rather than possibly creepy side of it. The thought process behind it is bizarre and also, does he have a live wife who knows about these. What does your husband think? So many questions!" (Sorry can't bold it for some reason)

FIL has a (live!) wife but no daughters. Worse still, my two sisters in law are sadly both now ex sisters in law so the "personal" present giving is back solely on me, like the last rabbit in the headlights.

This is rather outing but, due to his name, we've coined the phrase "over-Ken-fident" to describe his behaviour. He has complete conviction that he knows exactly what a woman half his age would love to receive from her father in law, such as suggestive nightwear.

My MIL is lovely but bows to his "superior judgment" on presents. My husband doesn't really see his presents as inappropriate as he should but does say "he's always been like this" as some kind of defence.

He also ropes in various "helpers"; he once bought me a beautiful necklace that he described as "looking stunning on the sales assistant when I asked her to put it on, due to her plunging cleavage". Right...

After suffering for months throughout my pregnancy with gallstones, avoiding foods with more than 5% fat and having a very strict diet in regards to fat, being hospitalised a few times due to stone blockage in the gallbladder...horrendous!
My then boyfriend (and father of baby) bought me a full chocolate cake for my birthday, knowing I couldn’t eat it and I absolutely love chocolate cake.

He sat and ate it in front of me when I said I couldn’t eat it!

Oh and he once bought me Christmas pjs that were size 20 when I’m a size 12. Wouldn’t even stay up on my waist!

This last Christmas my MIL got me a purple, amithyst crystal penguin. Its big too, about 6" tall.
It was such a weird, random gift and wrong for me I so many ways,
I don't like purple, I don't especially like penguins and I don't like ornaments.
It was like she didn't know me at all.
It's in a bag in the car waiting for the charity shop to. Reopen.

@abc31

"oh you have properly made me laugh at that and you are a good sport to see the funny rather than possibly creepy side of it. The thought process behind it is bizarre and also, does he have a live wife who knows about these. What does your husband think? So many questions!" (Sorry can't bold it for some reason)

FIL has a (live!) wife but no daughters. Worse still, my two sisters in law are sadly both now ex sisters in law so the "personal" present giving is back solely on me, like the last rabbit in the headlights.

This is rather outing but, due to his name, we've coined the phrase "over-Ken-fident" to describe his behaviour. He has complete conviction that he knows exactly what a woman half his age would love to receive from her father in law, such as suggestive nightwear.

My MIL is lovely but bows to his "superior judgment" on presents. My husband doesn't really see his presents as inappropriate as he should but does say "he's always been like this" as some kind of defence.

He also ropes in various "helpers"; he once bought me a beautiful necklace that he described as "looking stunning on the sales assistant when I asked her to put it on, due to her plunging cleavage". Right...

You have given me my second belly laugh of the day. Maybe Ken thinks he can overcome his deeply unsexy name with some 70s style sleaze.

I note the 'he's always been like this' defense. Surely the FIRST time he did it someone should have said, 'eh, WTF?'.

MIL is known for her bland gifts. This Christmas I got 3 packs of unscented tealights, a spatula, some pillow cases and a bottle of zoflora. She gave DH some unscented shower gel, size XS dungarees (he's 6'8, built like Eddie Hall and not 4) and a tray full of longlife soy milk (we are both soy intolerant). She lives VERY comfortably and buys luxury gifts for her friends (Even bought a car for a friend's grandson last year) but her kids and their partners get crap! BIL got a packet of minced beef for his last birthday!

It started off crap when my wedding ring was silver, and had the word LOVE painted on, in blue and red alternated colours. I nearly cried. I still have it but only wore it for a few months. Been married 17 years. Four years ago I told him I want a new one and I chose a set of two myself.

"BIL got a packet of minced beef for his last birthday!"
Omg! That's hilarious 😆. I would love to understand the thought process that lead to that decision.