Crap gifts

[Malbecqueen]

Having just seen another thread detailing valentine's day disappointments, I thought it'd be good/cathartic to list some really rubbish presents here...

This V day (we don't really celebrate it here), I got v cheap smellies for the bath, after told my DH (a) not to get me any more body creams etc some time ago and (b) my mum bought me enough bath oil to last me all year at Xmas...

At Xmas, I asked for a) a comfy lounge suit like the ones I had - and was clear that I wanted a zip top, no jumper/hoodie and loose/flared bottoms and b) a casual red check skirt ... he got me a cheap and scratchy lounge suit, no zip and elastic bottoms to the legs... and b) a brown dogtooth skirt that's more appropriate for the office (which is great in Covid times)....

And yes, I love my DH dearly but FFS I don't know how to say these things anymore clearly...

So c'mon on - hit me with your crappy/ thoughtless gifts.

My mother in law no longer buys for us, which is a shame as the kids looked forward to her pick and mix bags. One item each, all wrapped, no labels. One year I got some Jaffa cakes, husband got a tin of soup, one daughter got some kettle chips, and the other one got hovis crackers.

I don’t think too much thought went into them!

I got a small Easter Egg for Valentines Day, could have been a lot worse, when we were dating went on holiday with his friends without me. He brought me back a reindeer skin toilet seat cover.

I know I have a bad present coming, we haven't seen my In laws for over 6 months so haven't exchanged all the Christmas presents. My DBil let slip at the weekend that after checking we didn't already have one with DH bought me a slowcooker.

In a way DH is right we don't have one, we have two. Not sure what I am going to do with a third.

Okay, I'm confused. I thought a lounge suit was male smart business attire.

It is!

Most crappiest Valentines gifts?

Top contenders are :- huge bouquet of flowers given before going home alone. 6 hours on packed trains with 3 changes and already overloaded with luggage.

Possibly already used sex toy.

My own unused bath set, wrapped up and presented as a new gift.

Empty bottle of wine and burnt dinner - train was delayed and he'd opened the wine to breathe whilst waiting for me to get home.

Loungewear for me is smartish, comfortable clothing for slobbing around in at home. If you aren't well and need to rest during the day then you can have a lie down but still receive visitors and not look like you are in pyjamas.

my friend got a set of bathroom face wash cloths from her sister-in-law for Christmas. I thought she was joking until they arrived, gift wrapped, nestled in with my birthday gifts last week.

A packet of Christmas paper napkins for me and my then DH... From one of his family luckily they were sent via another family member so didn't have to curtail our laughter.

Still no idea if we were meant to get them as present or if wrong thing got wrapped up by accident. I had visions of them searching for the new napkins they'd bought on Christmas Day

An ironing board cover and a mop for my 30th. I had no ironing board and already had a mop. Fuckwit EX!

My sister has a friend who is bad at gifts and one year she got a chicken handbag and another year collectible Barbie dolls of the hunger games

Last year I got a bath robe from MIL, a satin one, so harsh and ugly, but that wasn't even the problem. It was so stiff that it could hold itself up, didn't even need a hanger should I mention it was red too?

Exh . Pack of microfibre cloths & some Lavender scented bin bags for Valentines Day . Xmas ? A plasterers mortar board ( that he wanted obviously!)

I was given a box of tea bags for christmas.I don't drink hot drinks.😆

My SIL went to Europe and brought back expensive gifts for everyone I got the tackiest set of lace doilies I've ever seen (we live in the US)

DH’s grandma once gave us a box of teabags for Christmas that still had the ticket on from the tombola where she had obviously won them.

She was a one off. She also gave us a cheque for DD when she was born which was lovely. Except she had made it out to DD in the name she preferred. Which wasn’t her name. And declined to change it stating ‘well you can just change her name’. She’s dead now and we miss her strangeness!

Butt plugs in small, medium, and large.

@Directionerforever Did your DD ever get the money?

Not at that time but she was remembered (by her proper name) in the will

Despite receiving endless abuse from us all for at least 40 years, my dad buys my mum a non fiction book as her Christmas and birthday present every single year. She doesn't really like books, particularly ones such as Coronation Street over the years and bedding plants (with video). We just see the rectangular shape and dissolve into fits of laughter. My poor mum.

However, I'd swap the books for some presents I've received from my father in law. Despite 20 years of trying to steer my in laws towards practical presents such as a pan or plant, he has to buy something "personal" as he puts it. He went through a phase of choosing me nightwear with slogans such as "Take me to bed" and "little miss naughty". Heave. I feel the fear when any squishy present comes my way. My colleagues always relished asking me what he'd given the first day back at work after Christmas.

My birthday is at the end of March. Obviously last year we were in lockdown but prior to that DP had planned and booked a fancy dinner out and then a spa weekend. They were both postponed to the summer and then cancelled when we realised lockdown was going to go on a lot longer than anticipated.

It’s been almost a year and I’m still bitter I didn’t get a present!

Every year one relative gives me books for my birthday. I don't know why or how this tradition started. She has very different taste to me and they're usually cast offs from her book club. All go to the charity shop. It is a waste of postage but also feels a bit cheeky as she offloads them onto me after she's read them. And creates the sense of obligation that I have to send something.

My birthday is in November and last year DH bought me a Christmas card instead of a birthday card, he insisted it didn't say anything about Christmas on it anywhere. There was a Christmas tree on the front and it said Merry Christmas inside .
For my 30th MIL got me a rubber verruca sock you wear for swimming. Then one Christmas, she got me a floor length, high necked, long sleeved nightie. I looked like the ghost of Christmas past in it. Apparently it was so I would appear unattractive to DH and he wouldn't want to have sex with me . We are NC with her now so no longer get contraceptive nightwear.

A horrible bag. Old fashioned and a colour if never use.
Friend told me the week before that she'd picked up a few bags for £2 each at the car boot but one was a horrible colour so she couldn't sell it on.
Lucky me!
She then went on to tell an elaborate lie about how she'd ordered it especially for me.

@Dilbertian

A book about Dads' Army. The same as the one he'd just got for his own dad's birthday a couple of days earlier (there was a 2 for 1 offer at the bookshop). For my 50th birthday.

My birthday is 1April, so I laughed, thinking it was an April Fool and he had a proper gift for me.

He did not.

OP, this wins hands down, I felt quite ill but I almost stopped breathing over this 😆

A plastic red vase with snowflakes on it as a wedding present for our wedding in MAY!!! Think poundshop kind of quality.
Now just want to add, that we did NOT ask for presents, we did not ask for money, we literally did not care if people bought us anything. We were late getting married so had all the housy stuff.
But seriously, it was obviously a recycled Christmas gift. I still shake my head at the thoughtlessness.

TBF @FrankskinnerscRoc , dh generally chooses me decent presents.

He just has the occasional brain-fart