To be planning another baby

AndTheMillions · 2021-02-14T15:52:15+00:00

My youngest was meant to be my last baby ! 8 months old now...... Obviously conceived before covid. I had such big plans-groups to go to , going out with friends etc etc Been stuck in. Bored and a bit down in some ways, in other ways it’s been nice but not as expected and there was a lot of stress around appts and birth etc. So. I have decided to have another ‘last’ baby, to wait till maybe a year (as had a c section) and try again if Covid seems to be getting better if things not back to normal then maybe wait a bit longer and 🤞 covid improves things going back to normal and it can be how we planned, it’s not that i haven’t enjoyed this baby I have it’s just I don’t feel finished now if that makes sense ! But I worry it’s just a reaction to the whole pandemic but I do want another now... confusing feelings !!

giletrouge · 14/02/2021 15:53

How many children have you got OP?

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 15:57

3

OP posts:

kowari · 14/02/2021 15:58

You plan to have children, not babies. You still have over 17 years until this baby is likely to leave home, only a small part of their life has not gone as expected.

SendMeHome · 14/02/2021 15:59

I wouldn’t make a call on this right now. Wait until life is back to “normal” and you’re not feeling bored and stuck inside; and see if you want another child then.

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:00

In a way as well maybe a sibling would be nice. The older 2 are 10 and 12 so perhaps with that big gap it could be nice to have 2 together. I also had terrible pnd with my 10 year old it took me this long to want another as was scared itd happen again and then I ended up with no pnd but pregnant / new baby in a pandemic I wish I hadn’t left it so long

OP posts:

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:02

@kowari

You plan to have children, not babies. You still have over 17 years until this baby is likely to leave home, only a small part of their life has not gone as expected.

I’m fully aware of that. That’s what I mean. Being pregnant, Baby, toddler, child, teen, adult ...... I’ve just said baby as I do feel I’ve missed out a bit on the newborn part and the things I had planned but thinking about it I’m now leaning towards having a sibling for my baby as the older 2 still get along and have shared interests etc so it might be nice

OP posts:

MargosKaftan · 14/02/2021 16:03

Seeing your big gap changes it a bit - I know a few families who have done this, effectively had 2 pairs.

If you can afford it and you and your DP want another child, go for it, although not because you've missed out on the baby year you thought you'd had, but because you want another child in your family.

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:03

@SendMeHome

I wouldn’t make a call on this right now. Wait until life is back to “normal” and you’re not feeling bored and stuck inside; and see if you want another child then.

Yes I definitely am not planning to try now as it’s all still quite bad with covid and I really don’t want to do the same all over again

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/02/2021 16:04

There's a lot of "I" and "my" in your post .

What about your DH/DP ?
Does he want another baby ?

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2021 16:05

@70isaLimitNotaTarget

There's a lot of "I" and "my" in your post .

What about your DH/DP ?
Does he want another baby ?

I literally just went to type that and saw your post.

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:05

@MargosKaftan

Seeing your big gap changes it a bit - I know a few families who have done this, effectively had 2 pairs.

If you can afford it and you and your DP want another child, go for it, although not because you've missed out on the baby year you thought you'd had, but because you want another child in your family.

Yes definitely. I’m trying to think sensibly def not rushing atm as covid is still so bad. Plus I was told wait 12 months at least

OP posts:

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:09

@70isaLimitNotaTarget

There's a lot of "I" and "my" in your post .

What about your DH/DP ?
Does he want another baby ?

Yes, he would definitely he wanted us to have a third for many years it was me that put it off. I had such a terrible time with pnd I was terrified. He has said he absolutely would love another.

I do feel that I made a mistake in hindsight waiting as long as I did I wish I’d gone for it a Couple of years ago I literally never envisaged this covid scenario though .

I think there’s a lot of me and I because that’s been my language around pregnancy for years ! Mostly as I didn’t want to for such a long time. Pnd was hard on me and I had such a big gap as I needed to recover and work and get over it all as I felt even after o was ‘better’ I still had after effects

OP posts:

kowari · 14/02/2021 16:22

There is no guarantee that this baby and the next would get along as siblings. I'm closer to my sibling 10 years younger than my sibling 3 years younger.

TrendingToday · 14/02/2021 16:36

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Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:39

@TrendingToday

Well I have heard of lockdown puppy being a plaything to get over lockdown boredom but having a baby because you missed out on socialising with the current baby due to lockdown is the height of selfishness and stupidity.

Buy a book

And aren’t you an absolute joy...

I waited YEARS to have another baby due to pnd. I was looking forward to all the things I had missed out on when I had been so unwell with my second baby. I think, given the circumstances I’m well within my rights to feel that I have missed out.

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TrendingToday · 14/02/2021 16:43

I waited YEARS to have another baby due to pnd. I was looking forward to all the things I had missed out on when I had been so unwell with my second baby. I think, given the circumstances I’m well within my rights to feel that I have missed out.

And that so not a reason to have another child
It might still be lockdown
You might have PND again

Then there are the general risks of pregnancy.

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 16:45

@TrendingToday

I waited YEARS to have another baby due to pnd. I was looking forward to all the things I had missed out on when I had been so unwell with my second baby. I think, given the circumstances I’m well within my rights to feel that I have missed out.

And that so not a reason to have another child
It might still be lockdown
You might have PND again

Then there are the general risks of pregnancy.

Very true. Pros and cons to everything

OP posts:

TheGoogleMum · 14/02/2021 16:59

It sounds like you want a baby becuase you missed out on the usual maternity leave activities rather than because you want another child:s

Shaniac · 14/02/2021 17:04

Im sorry but that sounds like an awful reason to have another baby. The way you talk about the situation rather than the child shows you arent thinking about another baby as a human being to raise but rather a short term activity to occupy you. You have an 8 month old, focus on them for a while. No one is saying dont ever have more, just think about it better and consider the child not the circumstances of their birth and babyhood.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/02/2021 17:17

None of it sounds like a reason to have another child.

If your DP loses his job or leaves, can you afford to support four children on your own with no help?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 17:17

I do get you op - DS was a poorly baby with 18 months in and out of hospital, really poor social skills so just cried through most of the playgroups, was behind and on tubes so we always stuck out, he always needed so much more than the "ordinary" kids. We waited to TTC until he was stable. Concieved early 2019, twins. Ok so it'll still be different and harder than 1 but we can do all those groups and play dates.... Covid hit when they were 4 months.

I haven't had a single "maternity" period with 3 kids where it's been standard. No baby groups and sitting having a coffee with other moms whilst the babies roll around on the floor . No toddle waddle groups or swimming lessons. Just 18 months of hospital and now looking like 18 months of lockdown.

It's so tempting to try again and hope for 1 single healthy standard issue child to be born when the world is normal. But a) I'm scared of twins b) it's a bit like I'll keep trying til I get a good one that's fun.

So have another baby, and actually 2 and a gap then 2 was always my dream but I started late. But have a baby because you want a baby not because this post birth period isn't how you wanted it

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 14/02/2021 17:27

I don't understand how you've missed out on the newborn part because of the pandemic. I had a lockdown 1.0 baby and I have so enjoyed her. It has been difficult in terms of not being able to have that early family support but in terms of newborn days I can say it was my best experience compared to my other kids. We were literally in a newborn bubble with no school runs etc.
Can't see what you've missed out on 🤷‍♀️ and this sounds like a total whim tbh.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 17:43

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

None of it sounds like a reason to have another child.

If your DP loses his job or leaves, can you afford to support four children on your own with no help?

So by that logic no one earning less than say 40k should have a child? And in couples each should earn than and down south probably more like 60k?

Original poster

AndTheMillions · 14/02/2021 17:58

@SleepingStandingUp

I do get you op - DS was a poorly baby with 18 months in and out of hospital, really poor social skills so just cried through most of the playgroups, was behind and on tubes so we always stuck out, he always needed so much more than the "ordinary" kids. We waited to TTC until he was stable. Concieved early 2019, twins. Ok so it'll still be different and harder than 1 but we can do all those groups and play dates.... Covid hit when they were 4 months.

I haven't had a single "maternity" period with 3 kids where it's been standard. No baby groups and sitting having a coffee with other moms whilst the babies roll around on the floor . No toddle waddle groups or swimming lessons. Just 18 months of hospital and now looking like 18 months of lockdown.

It's so tempting to try again and hope for 1 single healthy standard issue child to be born when the world is normal. But a) I'm scared of twins b) it's a bit like I'll keep trying til I get a good one that's fun.

So have another baby, and actually 2 and a gap then 2 was always my dream but I started late. But have a baby because you want a baby not because this post birth period isn't how you wanted it

Thankyou I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult time too. I definitely have a lot to think about

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CaffineismyBFF · 14/02/2021 18:34

Your OP sounds like you want a baby so you can enjoy the social side of it all...that is not a reason to have a baby. A child isn't a fashion accessory or something to use to go to fun mummy dates and NCT classes.

Maybe shift your focus on creating lasting beautiful memories for the 3 children you already had and look forward to seeing them grow up into decent people who make a positive contribution to society